News from Svalbard

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Bruce
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News from Svalbard

Post by Bruce » Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:21 pm

I'm planning on moving there, after I finally snap. I don't know why. Maybe the madness is already setting in. Svalbard, the promised land. Why not?

The only thing you have to worry about in Svalbard, apparently, is polar bear attacks.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/08/ ... 9394.shtml
The four British survivors of a deadly polar bear attack in Norway's Arctic Svalbard archipelago have been operated on and two of them, including a teenage boy who had to have some of the bear's teeth removed from his skull, have been transferred back to the U.K., according to reports.
Well, I don't want to run away to Svalbard and be completely unprepared, do I?

So, what I can do to minimize the likelihood of being eaten by a polar bear. What do polar bears not find tasty?

I already took this quiz. I didn't score so well. I guess I need to study some more.

http://theoatmeal.com/quiz/bear_balls
Such potential!

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Bruce
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Bruce » Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:24 pm

The attack took place in Svalbard, a group of islands home to about 2,400 people and 3,000 polar bears.
Cool! Each person can have their own polar bear. You could ride one to work.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/polar_bear
Such potential!

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Ronin
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Ronin » Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:28 am

Don't worry, global warming will get rid of all the polar bears eventually anyway.

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Luke T.
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Luke T. » Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:00 am

Apparently polar bears have a poor dental plan. Their teeth fall out when trying to eat a teenager's head.
Bruce wrote:What do polar bears not find tasty?
Penguins.
Bruce wrote:So, what I can do to minimize the likelihood of being eaten by a polar bear.
Travel in groups larger than 13 people, and make sure one of those people is adventurer Michael "Spike" Reid.
The bear attacked one of the groups, made up of 13 people, in the early morning, leaving them with moderate to severe wounds that included head injuries, officials said. The bear was eventually shot — apparently by adventurer Michael "Spike" Reid, his father said Saturday.
[size=75]"it seems you don't believe how your enviroment of smells affects for a young ones.how many young girl are are in just involved in porn industry just because of lack of natural smells" - pillory (7/13/02)[/size]

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Bruce
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Bruce » Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:21 am

I'm sure Mike is a fine chap and all, but something about the way that article was written makes me wish that "Spike" had been eaten by a polar bear. :|
Such potential!

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ed
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by ed » Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:27 am

Luke T. wrote:Apparently polar bears have a poor dental plan. Their teeth fall out when trying to eat a teenager's head.
Bruce wrote:What do polar bears not find tasty?
Penguins.
Bruce wrote:So, what I can do to minimize the likelihood of being eaten by a polar bear.
Travel in groups larger than 13 people, and make sure one of those people is adventurer Michael "Lardass" Reid.
The bear attacked one of the groups, made up of 13 people, in the early morning, leaving them with moderate to severe wounds that included head injuries, officials said. The bear caught up with — and apparently ate - food critic Michael "Lardass" Reid, the slowest moving member of the group.
Fixed
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Bruce
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Bruce » Tue Aug 09, 2011 2:33 am

Want to come with me to Svalbard, Ed? :D
Such potential!

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grayman
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by grayman » Tue Aug 09, 2011 3:02 am

Is there an ass so wide a bear couldn't bite?
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Bruce
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Bruce » Sat Sep 10, 2011 9:49 pm

There's a restaurant in Svalbard.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-daily ... el_Russian
Where is Svalbard, you might ask? Good question. It is a group of (seemingly perpetually cold) islands situated between the Arctic Ocean, Barents Sea, Greenland Sea, and Norwegian Sea. Barentsburg is the last remaining Russian-settled island in Slavbard. If that's not remote enough for you, there is no road access and to hike there would take two full days. It would be worth it, though, if just to sample classic Russian fare like boiled pork with potatoes, Arctic correl, and caviar washed down with Champagne, cognac, and Russian vodka at the Barentsburg Hotel.
Hot damn! I know where I'm going for my next anniversary. :bigthumb:
Such potential!

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Bruce
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Bruce » Tue Sep 13, 2011 1:55 am

Image

The bait is set.

Any minute now, a polar bear will be here....

Image

Holy Fuck! There's one right behind us! Where did he come from?

Image

Poor fella looks hungry.

Quick, to the polar bear shelter!

Image

Ha! Stupid polar bear can't get us in here.

Image

The end.
Such potential!

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Eos of the Eons
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Eos of the Eons » Thu Sep 15, 2011 2:33 am

Want to move there too... sorta :P
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ed
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by ed » Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:50 pm

Looks like a lovely place.

Seems the CIA is having problems getting data on it though.

Location:
Field info displayed for all countries in alpha order.
Northern Europe, islands between the Arctic Ocean, Barents Sea, Greenland Sea, and Norwegian Sea, north of Norway
Geographic coordinates:
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78 00 N, 20 00 E
Map references:
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Europe
Area:
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total: 62,045 sq km
country comparison to the world: 125
land: 62,045 sq km
water: 0 sq km
note: includes Spitsbergen and Bjornoya (Bear Island)
Area - comparative:
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slightly smaller than West Virginia
Land boundaries:
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0 km
Coastline:
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3,587 km
Maritime claims:
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territorial sea: 4 nm
exclusive fishing zone: 200 nm unilaterally claimed by Norway but not recognized by Russia
Climate:
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arctic, tempered by warm North Atlantic Current; cool summers, cold winters; North Atlantic Current flows along west and north coasts of Spitsbergen, keeping water open and navigable most of the year
Terrain:
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wild, rugged mountains; much of high land ice covered; west coast clear of ice about one-half of the year; fjords along west and north coasts
Elevation extremes:
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lowest point: Arctic Ocean 0 m
highest point: Newtontoppen 1,717 m
Natural resources:
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coal, iron ore, copper, zinc, phosphate, wildlife, fish
Land use:
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arable land: 0%
permanent crops: 0%
other: 100% (no trees; the only bushes are crowberry and cloudberry) (2005)
Irrigated land:
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NA
Natural hazards:
Field info displayed for all countries in alpha order.
ice floes often block the entrance to Bellsund (a transit point for coal export) on the west coast and occasionally make parts of the northeastern coast inaccessible to maritime traffic
Environment - current issues:
Field info displayed for all countries in alpha order.
NA
Geography - note:
Field info displayed for all countries in alpha order.
northernmost part of the Kingdom of Norway; consists of nine main islands; glaciers and snowfields cover 60% of the total area; Spitsbergen Island is the site of the Svalbard Global Seed Vault, a seed repository established by the Global Crop Diversity Trust and the Norwegian Government
Back to Top
Population:
Field info displayed for all countries in alpha order.
2,019 (July 2011 est.)
country comparison to the world: 232
Age structure:
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0-14 years: NA
15-64 years: NA
65 years and over: NA (2009 est.)
Population growth rate:
Field info displayed for all countries in alpha order.
-0.024% (2011 est.)
country comparison to the world: 198
Birth rate:
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NA
Death rate:
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NA
Net migration rate:
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NA
Sex ratio:
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NA
Infant mortality rate:
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total: NA
male: NA
female: NA
Life expectancy at birth:
Field info displayed for all countries in alpha order.
total population: NA
male: NA
female: NA
Total fertility rate:
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NA
HIV/AIDS - adult prevalence rate:
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0% (2001)
country comparison to the world: 169
HIV/AIDS - people living with HIV/AIDS:
Field info displayed for all countries in alpha order.
0 (2001)
country comparison to the world: 163
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Bruce
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Bruce » Thu Sep 15, 2011 4:20 pm

At the rate the polar ice caps are melting, it will probably be the most lush and fertile land in the world by the time I retire.

Maybe I should buy up some coastal property in Svalbard? :Devious3:
Such potential!

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Ronin
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Ronin » Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:50 pm

Have you checked out Bouvet Island? It's another Norwegian owned remote place, apparently the most remote island in the world. No polar bears to deal with, either. The only vertebrate life are sea birds, seals and penguins. Over 90% covered in glacier, but as you said, that should change by the time you're ready to retire.

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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by En folkefiende » Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:06 pm

Ronin wrote:Have you checked out Bouvet Island? It's another Norwegian owned remote place, apparently the most remote island in the world.
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Ronin
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Ronin » Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:18 pm

jj wrote:
Ronin wrote:Have you checked out Bouvet Island? It's another Norwegian owned remote place, apparently the most remote island in the world.
Tristan da Cunha
That's the most remote inhabited island in the world, meaning Bruce would have to deal with the people already living there. Bouvet Island is uninhabited.

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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by En folkefiende » Fri Sep 16, 2011 1:07 am

Ronin wrote:That's the most remote inhabited island in the world, meaning Bruce would have to deal with the people already living there. Bouvet Island is uninhabited.
Someone has to make the beer.
Formerly jj, the enemy of the people, aka the bullies who rant and lie here.

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Bruce
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Bruce » Fri Sep 16, 2011 2:15 am

jj wrote:
Ronin wrote:Have you checked out Bouvet Island? It's another Norwegian owned remote place, apparently the most remote island in the world.
Tristan da Cunha
Already checked out both. Mentioned them in another thread in fact. Tristan da Cunha is out. Way too many kooky inbred Christians. They've banned immigration. Can you believe that? Nope, sorry. You'll have to turn your boat back around. We're full. I read a news article several months about about the island getting the internet for the first time. There was a picture showing three teenagers surfing the net on three computers. It got me thinking, that has to be the worst place on earth to be a teenager.

Bouvet island has an internet address. That's awesome. There's no one there, no man made anything, but if someone wanted to go and live there (like me), the internet will be ready. 8)
Such potential!

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Cloverlief
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Cloverlief » Fri Sep 16, 2011 5:53 am

grayman wrote:Is there an ass so wide a bear couldn't bite?
Yes, mine.
Chani

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Bruce
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Re: News from Svalbard

Post by Bruce » Tue Sep 27, 2011 2:19 am

Found me another candidate. Johnston Atoll.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnston_Atoll

It's an abandoned military base near Hawaii, and by near, I mean 400 miles. Nobody lives there, not even Christians. I may have to clean up some nerve gas, but it has a runway. Did I mention there are no Christians?

Image

And the cracked article I got it from is way cool:

http://www.cracked.com/article_19449_6- ... -real.html
Such potential!