Why Florida is an awsome place to live

ed · Post by ed » Fri Jun 20, 2014 11:02 am

1) You can shoot people pretty much at will

2) You can buy guuns anywhere with a minimum of legal crap

3) You can blow shit up at will
Evidences ----->https://i.postimg.cc/jdkJPCJ7/Tryptich-zpsa5f341ad.jpg

4) We have, potentially, a "Penis Christ" (within minutes of my house!!)

5) We have really cool enormous snakes to remove the dead bodies resulting from (1), above
Evidences ------>http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/as ... n-body.jpg

6) We have weird crypto critters
Evidences ----->http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y160/JTrojan/dz3.gif
(aka Myakka Skunk Ape)

7) We have big ass hogs running around all over the place necessitating travling armed 24/7
Evidences ------>http://www.chasinbacon.com/mediafiles/g ... _Bacon.jpg

jacks · Post by **jacks** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 11:27 am

two words- sinkhole central- that is all

ed · Post by ed » Fri Jun 20, 2014 11:41 am

Forgot about that thanks.

8) We have awesome sinkholes wherein naysayers are dropped, never to be seen again and forgotten but for their thin screams of desperation emanating from the stygian depths.
Evidence ---->

130301151745-02-sinkholes-0301-horizontal-gallery.jpg

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 12:21 pm

That is a huge hog. Those are dangerous are they?

What is the species?

WildCat · Post by **WildCat** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 12:39 pm

Florida is also the flattest state in the USA. Illinois is the second flattest.

Useless crap learned reading the news this week.

ed · Post by ed » Fri Jun 20, 2014 12:50 pm

Anaxagoras wrote:That is a huge hog. Those are dangerous are they?

What is the species?

Evidentially yes. I asked someone why Contender pistols (a noted single shot make) were not popular down here and the guy explained that you have to have a second and third shot ready because those hogs are so aggressive. One chased my son home the first month we were here. Big, ugly brutes. I don't hunt but I might make an exception.

http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2009/dec ... ing-flori/

I wonder if you could train them and put together a Hog Army. Cool.

ed · Post by ed » Fri Jun 20, 2014 12:53 pm

WildCat wrote:Florida is also the flattest state in the USA. Illinois is the second flattest.

Useless crap learned reading the news this week.

9) Two wheelbarrows of dirt will be enough to create a mountain that you can name after yourself.
Evidences --->

Clown 414.jpg

"Mt. Ed"

jacks · Post by **jacks** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 2:02 pm

two words- hot + humid- that is all

ed · Post by ed » Fri Jun 20, 2014 2:55 pm

10) My heat/AC bills down here are about 20% what they were in CT for similarly sized homes.

11) My skin is thoroughly hydrated and youthful in appearance. I do not have that crusty look so common amongst some of our posters.

jacks · Post by **jacks** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 3:03 pm

two words- skin cancer- that is all

hammegk · Post by **hammegk** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 3:04 pm

jacks wrote:two words- skin cancer- that is all

Gators & hurricanes.

quarky · Post by **quarky** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 3:16 pm

There are some hilly areas in Florida. There are even a few rivers that have enough gradient to form rapids. There are also some waterfalls, but they are underground.
The underground aspect is the most interesting to me. There are many first magnitude springs and world class cave diving. It's quite karsty. Some of the obscure springs that feed the Suwanee River are stunningly beautiful; deep, and crystal clear. With the right timing, you can have these springs to yourself. As crowded as it is, there are surprisingly wild places with strange and abundant wild life.

Once, while snorkeling in Silver Glen (a first magnitude spring in the Ocala National Forest) I was watching the sting rays, which have evolved for fresh water, when, suddenly, an otter snatched a mullet a few feet from me. Then, a bald eagle came crashing in and stole the mullet from the otter. I pulled my head out of the water to tell someone, but I was the only person there. That's when I saw a brown bear walking along the trail adjacent to the spring branch.

And crackers. Serious crackers. Cracker-ass-crackers.
Most of the myriad springs are in Northern Florida, and they remain around 72F year round, which can make the heat more fun.
Frost is not uncommon in Florida. I've camped in 18F, and wished I brought more clothes.

Tiosylanyl · Post by **Tiosylanyl** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 5:17 pm

ed wrote:10) My heat/AC bills down here are about 20% what they were in CT for similarly sized homes.

11) My skin is thoroughly hydrated and youthful in appearance. I do not have that crusty look so common amongst some of our posters.

That crusty look has nothing to do with hydration, or lack thereof.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 8:11 pm

The Northern Star wrote: Our History

Floridians have been stubborn and strange right from the start. In 1845, when Florida joined the United States, the first flag that flew over our capital bore the slogan, 'Let Us Alone'. Florida's cattle-herding settlers didn't cut the same romantic figure as the cowboys of the Old West. Artist Frederic Remington described them as "low-browed cow-folks" who would "shoot and stab each other for the possession of scrawny creatures not fit for a pointer-dog to mess on".

Our People

Since the Second World War, keeping Florida's economy afloat has depended on maintaining a constant influx of new residents, prompting The New Yorker magazine to dub us 'The Ponzi State'.

Our politicians

A study released last year found that, from 2000 to 2010, Florida led all the other states in total convictions of officials and staff who broke federal public corruption laws.

When our political leaders aren't breaking the rules, they're coming up with new ways to embarrass themselves. For instance, our legislators banned gay marriage, but later discovered they had never outlawed bestiality. Our current governor, Rick Scott, gave out a hotline number for dealing with a meningitis outbreak, except it turned out to be for a phone-sex line.

Our sense of always teetering on the edge of disaster

When you live in Florida, you spend half the year watching for hurricanes. Otherwise you're watching for lightning strikes, shark bites, stingray barbs, alligator attacks, coyote packs and the occasional centenarian driver who has confused the brake and accelerator. You can't even trust the ground you walk on. Just ask the folks at the Disney-area resort who saw half of it swallowed by a 100-foot wide sinkhole.

&c.
Snipped from here

But rising sea levels will take care of all that… :twisted:

ed · Post by ed » Sat Jun 28, 2014 11:31 am

MIAMI — Lawyers gawked from office windows last month when a BMW S.U.V. swiped a parked police cruiser in the parking lot of a courthouse in Fort Lauderdale, then slammed into a gate over and over again.

A judge was at the wheel.

As lawyers used smartphones to snap pictures of the morning spectacle, Judge Lynn D. Rosenthal became the third Broward County judge in six months to be arrested on charges of driving under the influence. A colleague, Judge Gisele Pollack, had been suspended five days earlier after getting arrested on a D.U.I. charge while already on leave for taking the bench intoxicated — twice.

Even for South Florida, where absurd news events are routine and the sheriff went to prison for corruption, the spate of judicial scandals has raised serious questions about whether the arrests in Broward are a bizarre coincidence or underscore a larger systemic problem. In a county where the judiciary is known for old-school nepotism and cronyism, and judges have been caught smoking marijuana in a park and found drunk and partly naked in a hotel hallway, some lawyers find themselves wondering: At what point do isolated instances of misconduct point to something bigger?

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/28/us/in ... v=top-news

Awsome. And the "Times" writes as if there is a problem. Liberal faggocytes!! :x

We like our justice in FL the way we like our women: impaired and borderline violent and probably armed. Yankees need not apply!! :x

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Sat Jun 28, 2014 1:01 pm

Who are we to judge, right? :lol:

ed · Post by ed » Mon Jun 30, 2014 9:42 pm

http://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/7c0179a ... age001.jpg

Two Headed Gators, buddy.

http://www.wtsp.com/story/news/weird/20 ... /11764369/

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 3:25 am

The Huffy Post wrote:Florida Cops Accused Of Breaking Into City Hall To Use Bathroom

Link

clarsct · Post by **clarsct** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 7:22 am

Florida....

Where we send the old people to die.

The nursing home of the US, that is.

Ed seems right at home....

quarky · Post by **quarky** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 11:59 am

One hilarious sight in Florida is the bill boards advertising cheap cremations. It's quite competitive.

Rob Lister · Post by **Rob Lister** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:21 pm

There's currently a tropical depression forming off the coast of Ed's Pond.

I hope he's alright.

quarky · Post by **quarky** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 4:16 pm

Like before?

ed · Post by ed » Wed Jul 02, 2014 12:56 am

Piffle, I rarely get depressed since I moved here.

Back to business ...

Unusually large hogfish caught off Venice
:o :o Wow :o :o
http://www.heraldtribune.com/apps/pbcsi ... 5&border=0

VENICE - A pair of local restaurant owners caught an unusually large hogfish this weekend, more than double in size of most local catches and only an inch short of the area record.

Sam Chavers, 62, and Jane Corliss, 65, owners of Captain Eddie's Seafood Restaurant in Nokomis, landed the 28.5-inch long fish while spearfishing shortly before noon Sunday.

Weighing exactly 11 pounds, the hogfish does not come close to the state record of 19 pounds, 8 ounces caught near Daytona Beach. But it is still one of the biggest seen in these parts.

“I've killed hogfish for years, and I've never seen one close to this size before,” Chavers said. “If you catch a 5-pounder offshore here you've caught a nice fish.”

Most of the commercially caught hogfish are the size of a football or a little larger, but Chavers' catch was the size of his chest. The fish still had its bright pink color Tuesday, with four tusk-like teeth protruding menacingly from its mouth.

Chavers said he and Corliss were spearfishing about 32 miles offshore of Venice Inlet when they caught the male hogfish. It was swimming near a ledge on the ocean floor in 104-foot-deep water when Chavers speared it.

Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission spokesman Brandon Basino said hogfish rarely exceed 23 inches in length. The largest hogfish on record in the area was only one inch longer than this one.

Chavers and Corliss have more than 50 years of spearfishing experience combined, but prior to Sunday's catch the biggest hogfish landed by either of them was an 8.5-pounder Corliss caught in the Dry Tortugas.

http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20 ... picks=true

Awesome!!!

ed · Post by ed » Thu Jul 17, 2014 1:17 pm

Pacu, piranha's larger cousin, caught in Sarasota
http://www.heraldtribune.com/apps/pbcsi ... 5&border=0
http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20 ... picks=true

Awesome.

robinson · Post by **robinson** » Thu Jul 17, 2014 5:44 pm

http://www.anglingthailand.com/data/pic ... cu4889.JPG

robinson · Post by **robinson** » Thu Jul 17, 2014 5:47 pm

Welcome to Florida

http://laodong.com.vn/Uploaded/buibichh ... h_OSSI.jpg

Want to go swimming in the river?

Giz · Post by **Giz** » Thu Jul 17, 2014 9:13 pm

Wow, even the fish in America have great teeth.

jacks · Post by **jacks** » Thu Jul 17, 2014 9:30 pm

Giz wrote:Wow, even the fish in America have great teeth.

I see what you did.

ed · Post by ed » Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:42 pm

Man buys Fla. house, finds corpse on bedroom floor
Updated 4:18 am, Thursday, November 6, 2014

CAPE CORAL, Fla. (AP) — A southwest Florida man found a body inside a foreclosed house he purchased at an auction.

The News-Press of Fort Myers (http://newspr.es/1s8ADXq) reports Cape Coral resident William Wilson bought the light pink house for $96,000 on Tuesday. When he went to evaluate his purchase Wednesday, he found a corpse on the master bedroom floor.

Cape Coral police cordoned off the property and began a death investigation.

Neighbors told the newspaper two sisters had lived in the home but no one had seen them for a while. Police told Wilson the most recent piece of mail was from November 2011 and unpaid property taxes went back three years.

http://www.seattlepi.com/news/us/articl ... 875142.php

Its those little unannounced extras that make all the difference.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Tue Nov 18, 2014 2:28 am

https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3869/147 ... 1f3c_o.jpg

ed · Post by ed » Tue Nov 18, 2014 12:01 pm

That is a definite improvement over our previous nickname "The Dangling Turd State"

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Tue Nov 18, 2014 10:03 pm

ed wrote:That is a definite improvement over our previous nickname "The Dangling Turd State"

For realz, "Dangling Turd"?!?http://www.4smileys.com/smileys/icq-smi ... ey_040.gif

Some cryptozoologist wrote:THE MOST FREQUENTLY REPORTED STRANGE CREATURE IN FLORIDA, IS THE SKUNK APE. Bizarre stories of encounters with a giant, shaggy haired, man-like ape, who smells like rotted cabbage, has circulated through Florida's history and folklore for hundreds of years. In recent times, encounters with this creature have been reported in newspapers and on television news. Those who have claimed encounters with the Skunk Ape, have provided descriptions of what is called the Big Foot, or Sasquatch, of the Northwest United States. The Florida Skunk Ape, also called the Swamp Monkey, Bardin Booger, among other names, is said to stand 7 to 8 feet tall, estimated to weigh 300 to 600 pounds, with long shaggy hair and a man-like face. In virtually all cases, the strange critter is said to emit a foul odor which smells like a spoiled cabbage, or a skunk. Hench the name Skunk Ape. There are numerous Indian legends in Florida which mention giants, or what could have been a man-beast. We also find mention of the "Sand People" and the "Mangrove People", in Indian legends, which some researchers believe could have been tribes of some unknown primate.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Wed Nov 19, 2014 5:24 am

I knew someone from Florida who swore by the existence of the Skunk Ape.

Made fantastic espresso.

EXPLAIN THAT!!1!!!!1!

--J.D.

ed · Post by ed » Wed Nov 19, 2014 12:07 pm

[youtube]i-dkMhHD9K0[/youtube]

The Myakka Skunk Ape

-- Wed Nov 19, 2014 7:11 am --

Witness wrote:
ed wrote:That is a definite improvement over our previous nickname "The Dangling Turd State"
For realz, "Dangling Turd"?!?http://www.4smileys.com/smileys/icq-smi ... ey_040.gif{/quote]

Uhhhh ... yeah ... The Dangling Turd State. Thats why we all laughed at the "Hanging Chads".

Some cryptozoologist wrote:THE MOST FREQUENTLY REPORTED STRANGE CREATURE IN FLORIDA, IS THE SKUNK APE. Bizarre stories of encounters with a giant, shaggy haired, man-like ape, who smells like rotted cabbage, has circulated through Florida's history and folklore for hundreds of years. In recent times, encounters with this creature have been reported in newspapers and on television news. Those who have claimed encounters with the Skunk Ape, have provided descriptions of what is called the Big Foot, or Sasquatch, of the Northwest United States. The Florida Skunk Ape, also called the Swamp Monkey, Bardin Booger, among other names, is said to stand 7 to 8 feet tall, estimated to weigh 300 to 600 pounds, with long shaggy hair and a man-like face. In virtually all cases, the strange critter is said to emit a foul odor which smells like a spoiled cabbage, or a skunk. Hench the name Skunk Ape. There are numerous Indian legends in Florida which mention giants, or what could have been a man-beast. We also find mention of the "Sand People" and the "Mangrove People", in Indian legends, which some researchers believe could have been tribes of some unknown primate.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skunk_ape

AKA The MYAKKA Skunk Ape
<n.b. I should do a video of my adopted city some day>

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Wed Nov 19, 2014 5:21 pm

Froze up.

https://wattsupwiththat.files.wordpress ... eezing.png

Rob Lister · Post by **Rob Lister** » Wed Nov 19, 2014 6:18 pm

It's a bit nippy hear at the beach. I turned on the fireplace. I'm working from my laptop down in the cozy den. Trying not to watch tv. Trying to focus. Working through a stack of crap. Shut up.

ed · Post by ed » Wed Nov 19, 2014 6:18 pm

Not me :D :De_Bunk:

robinson · Post by **robinson** » Wed Nov 19, 2014 8:41 pm

Don't let Ed fool you, it's brutal right now in Florida.

It's like 64 degrees right now.

It's horrible.

jacks · Post by **jacks** » Wed Nov 19, 2014 8:43 pm

robinson wrote:Don't let Ed fool you, it's brutal right now in Florida.

It's like 64 degrees right now.

It's horrible.

dipshit

-- Wed Nov 19, 2014 3:43 pm --

dipshit

ed · Post by ed » Wed Nov 19, 2014 8:51 pm

robinson wrote:Don't let Ed fool you, it's brutal right now in Florida.

It's like 64 degrees right now.

It's horrible.

I know. The temperature plummeted like 15 degrees.