Ping: A Chemist

[Nyarlathotep]

His name COULD be Ping anyway.

[Abdul Alhazred]

Nope. Ping is a model.

A Real Chemist ^TM would either be clean shaven or have a real beard.

[Anaxagoras]

How much time do real chemists spend staring thoughtfully at beakers full of colorful chemicals?

[Nyarlathotep]

Nope. Ping is a model.

A Real Chemist ^TM would either be clean shaven or have a real beard.

I thought that made him either Mary or Jesus respectively.

[Doctor X]

His name is "Chang."

--J. "What are You Doing, Chang?!!" D.

[Abdul Alhazred]

Nope. Ping is a model.

A Real Chemist ^TM would either be clean shaven or have a real beard.

I thought that made him either Mary or Jesus respectively.

If he appears on toast (or in the clouds), I'll revise my thinking on the subject.

[gnome]

How much time do real chemists spend staring thoughtfully at beakers full of colorful chemicals?

Bruce? Can you give a percentage?

And then for comparison, what the highest percentage of his work time is.

[Bruce]

How much time do real chemists spend staring thoughtfully at beakers full of colorful chemicals?

Bruce? Can you give a percentage?

And then for comparison, what the highest percentage of his work time is.

I'm an analytical chemist. My time is divided as follows.

60% Writing reports that nobody reads unless something goes terribly wrong.
20% Fixing these god damned machines.
10% Attending mandatory pointless corporate meetings and doing mandatory pointless corporate bullshit that wastes time, generates no revenue, sucks time away from projects that generate revenue, and decimates morale.
4% Figuring out what the chemist did wrong.
4% Explaining to the chemist that no, my data is correct, it's your chemistry that's f'ed up. Which, by the way, that was one of my pet peeves about Breaking Bad. No analytical equipment or analytical chemist. How the hell did he know his product was 99.7% pure without an HPLC and a certified analytical reference standard? Not that an analytical chemist would have lasted long. Sorry Walt, the results clearly show that your product is actually 93.1% after you factor out residual solvents and water content. In fact, your blue crystals are septa hydrate. That's what's making it the color bl....[BANG!!]. Jesse, get rid of what's left of this incompetent piece of shit and correct the paperwork. My product is 99.7% pure because I SAY it's 99.7% pure.
0.9% Applying the knowledge and skills learned from 21 years of education.
0.1% Gazing thoughtfully at unlabeled beakers full of clear liquids, then reminding my co-workers for the millionth time that the FDA fines $10k per unlabeled container of chemicals. You want to see how fast a chemist can move? Run into the lab and say, "The FDA is onsite for a surprise inspection! The manager's in the lobby trying to stall them as long as he can! MOVE!!!"
0% Gazing thoughtfully into beakers full of colorful chemicals in a spotless lab coat and looking damn sexy.

-- Wed May 20, 2015 10:30 pm --

His name COULD be Ping anyway.

$100K in FDA fines for unlabeled chemicals. Maybe more if PING can't explain exactly what is in those solutions.

And I sure as hell wouldn't put a volumetric flask full of colored liquids that close to my laptop. There also appears to be a graduated cylinder full of a clear liquid on the edge of the table directly in front of his chest, just begging to be tipped over right into his lap.

Sexy models wouldn't last long in a real lab.

BTW, people stopped using big glass test tubes and wooden test tube racks around 1938, except in high schools and colleges.

[Witness]

Had a good laugh from all the gory details, thanks Bruce! (Working on your new book, My chemical Life, already?)

[Anaxagoras]

How about this dork?

He would be so fired!

[Bruce]

Too many things wrong in that picture to count!

The worst is the hair net that's only covering half his hair. WTF?

[Abdul Alhazred]

At least Ping has an appropriately chemist like look on his face.

[ed]

If there is no bunsen burner, the photo is not of a chemist. Or even a scientist. Scientists all have bunsen burners on their desks.

[jacks]

Where's the jacob's ladder,
https://www.google.com/search?q=jacob%2 ... d=0CB0QsAQ

[Abdul Alhazred]

BTW, it's not enough to have colored water in a beakers.

Throw in a bit of dry ice for that real-o true-lo laBORatory look.

Especially if Mister Ping's first name is Igor.

[ed]

Here are the criteria for an authentic sciency type photo.

1-flasks and beakers with colored liquids.
2-a bunsen burner
3-some smoke coming out of one or more containers of liquid
4-person (male) in lab coat .. NO "ethnic" types
5-NO repeat NO stupid goggles
6-binocular microscope

"Scientist" must be either:
a. pensively examining a glass container with a colored liquid or
b. be intently heating a liquid on the bunsen burner (2)
idealy he should have a pen in one hand resting on a journal like book with writing in it
He must also have 2-3 pens in the breast pocket of his lab coat.


BACKGROUND items .. not necessary but bonus points are awarded

- a condenser set up
- Jacob's Ladder
- Periodic table
- some maroon bound books: 2-3 inches across spine!!
-sink w/goose neck faucet
-drying rack with glassware
-rat in cage

[Abdul Alhazred]

...

4-person (male) in lab coat .. NO "ethnic" types

...

Clarification needed.

Does that mean no Jews?

What about guys names Igor?

[ed]

...

4-person (male) in lab coat .. NO "ethnic" types

...

Clarification needed.

Does that mean no Jews?

What about guys names Igor?

Jews are good to go but no hats, if you know what I mean <nudge nudge>. I mean no fucking central european scientists, half shaven, sporting knives and such. No token black guys either. And not too handsome, look at Bruce for fucks sake.

[Anaxagoras]

Here you go ed.



Just google laboratory stock. There's lots of em.

[ed]

Here you go ed.



Just google laboratory stock. There's lots of em.

He has gloves man, gloves!!! And while using a microscope.

That is the very definition of gayness. Ask Bruce if he wears gloves.