Ping: A Chemist

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Wed May 20, 2015 1:16 am

His name COULD be Ping anyway.

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Wed May 20, 2015 2:24 pm

How much time do real chemists spend staring thoughtfully at beakers full of colorful chemicals?

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Wed May 20, 2015 2:28 pm

Abdul Alhazred wrote:Nope. Ping is a model.

A Real Chemist ^TM would either be clean shaven or have a real beard.

I thought that made him either Mary or Jesus respectively.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Wed May 20, 2015 2:46 pm

His name is "Chang."

--J. "What are You Doing, Chang?!!" D.

gnome · Post by **gnome** » Wed May 20, 2015 4:33 pm

Anaxagoras wrote:How much time do real chemists spend staring thoughtfully at beakers full of colorful chemicals?

Bruce? Can you give a percentage?

And then for comparison, what the highest percentage of his work time is.

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Thu May 21, 2015 2:23 am

gnome wrote:
Anaxagoras wrote:How much time do real chemists spend staring thoughtfully at beakers full of colorful chemicals?
Bruce? Can you give a percentage?

And then for comparison, what the highest percentage of his work time is.

I'm an analytical chemist. My time is divided as follows.

60% Writing reports that nobody reads unless something goes terribly wrong.
20% Fixing these god damned machines.
10% Attending mandatory pointless corporate meetings and doing mandatory pointless corporate bullshit that wastes time, generates no revenue, sucks time away from projects that generate revenue, and decimates morale.
4% Figuring out what the chemist did wrong.
4% Explaining to the chemist that no, my data is correct, it's your chemistry that's f'ed up. Which, by the way, that was one of my pet peeves about Breaking Bad. No analytical equipment or analytical chemist. How the hell did he know his product was 99.7% pure without an HPLC and a certified analytical reference standard? Not that an analytical chemist would have lasted long. Sorry Walt, the results clearly show that your product is actually 93.1% after you factor out residual solvents and water content. In fact, your blue crystals are septa hydrate. That's what's making it the color bl....[BANG!!]. Jesse, get rid of what's left of this incompetent piece of shit and correct the paperwork. My product is 99.7% pure because I SAY it's 99.7% pure.
0.9% Applying the knowledge and skills learned from 21 years of education.
0.1% Gazing thoughtfully at unlabeled beakers full of clear liquids, then reminding my co-workers for the millionth time that the FDA fines $10k per unlabeled container of chemicals. You want to see how fast a chemist can move? Run into the lab and say, "The FDA is onsite for a surprise inspection! The manager's in the lobby trying to stall them as long as he can! MOVE!!!"
0% Gazing thoughtfully into beakers full of colorful chemicals in a spotless lab coat and looking damn sexy.

-- Wed May 20, 2015 10:30 pm --

Nyarlathotep wrote:His name COULD be Ping anyway.

$100K in FDA fines for unlabeled chemicals. Maybe more if PING can't explain exactly what is in those solutions.

And I sure as hell wouldn't put a volumetric flask full of colored liquids that close to my laptop. There also appears to be a graduated cylinder full of a clear liquid on the edge of the table directly in front of his chest, just begging to be tipped over right into his lap.

Sexy models wouldn't last long in a real lab.

BTW, people stopped using big glass test tubes and wooden test tube racks around 1938, except in high schools and colleges.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Thu May 21, 2015 3:11 am

Had a good laugh from all the gory details, thanks Bruce! (Working on your new book, My chemical Life, already?)

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Thu May 21, 2015 8:09 am

How about this dork?

He would be so fired!

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Fri May 22, 2015 1:02 am

Too many things wrong in that picture to count!

The worst is the hair net that's only covering half his hair. WTF?

ed · Post by ed » Fri May 22, 2015 2:02 pm

If there is no bunsen burner, the photo is not of a chemist. Or even a scientist. Scientists all have bunsen burners on their desks.

jacks · Post by **jacks** » Fri May 22, 2015 2:32 pm

Where's the jacob's ladder,
https://www.google.com/search?q=jacob%2 ... d=0CB0QsAQ

ed · Post by ed » Fri May 22, 2015 3:11 pm

Here are the criteria for an authentic sciency type photo.

1-flasks and beakers with colored liquids.
2-a bunsen burner
3-some smoke coming out of one or more containers of liquid
4-person (male) in lab coat .. NO "ethnic" types
5-NO repeat NO stupid goggles
6-binocular microscope

"Scientist" must be either:
a. pensively examining a glass container with a colored liquid or
b. be intently heating a liquid on the bunsen burner (2)
idealy he should have a pen in one hand resting on a journal like book with writing in it
He must also have 2-3 pens in the breast pocket of his lab coat.

BACKGROUND items .. not necessary but bonus points are awarded

- a condenser set up
- Jacob's Ladder
- Periodic table
- some maroon bound books: 2-3 inches across spine!!
-sink w/goose neck faucet
-drying rack with glassware
-rat in cage

ed · Post by ed » Fri May 22, 2015 3:32 pm

Abdul Alhazred wrote:
ed wrote: ...

4-person (male) in lab coat .. NO "ethnic" types

...
Clarification needed.

Does that mean no Jews?

What about guys names Igor?

Jews are good to go but no hats, if you know what I mean <nudge nudge>. I mean no fucking central european scientists, half shaven, sporting knives and such. No token black guys either. And not too handsome, look at Bruce for fucks sake.

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Sat May 23, 2015 10:20 am

Here you go ed.

Just google laboratory stock. There's lots of em.

ed · Post by ed » Sat May 23, 2015 12:10 pm

Anaxagoras wrote:Here you go ed.

Just google laboratory stock. There's lots of em.

He has gloves man, gloves!!! And while using a microscope.

That is the very definition of gayness. Ask Bruce if he wears gloves.

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Sat May 23, 2015 3:59 pm

Bruce wears hite gloves and a formal ball gown

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Sat May 23, 2015 8:14 pm

Come here and say that.

Just a little closer.

ed · Post by ed » Sat May 23, 2015 11:23 pm

QE fucking D

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Sat May 23, 2015 11:50 pm

Bruce wrote:Come here and say that.

Just a little closer.

White gloves...formal ball gown.

Your move, Brucey-boy

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Sun May 24, 2015 1:08 am

That's not what you could think (details)…

From the ChemBark blog.

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Sun May 24, 2015 8:48 am

Definitely going to need that XL for Nyarl.

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Sat Sep 12, 2015 2:42 am

Don't try this one at home.

[youtube]ritaljhhk7s[/youtube]

Really, when a chemist tells you this is dangerous, it really IS dangerous. You're starting with a deadly poison, lighting it on fire, which releases extremely poisonous gasses, and the residue left behind is every bit as poisonous. Nice of them to warn you about it after showing you how to open a cool portal to hell and watch poisonous tentacles materialize through it.

gnome · Post by **gnome** » Thu Oct 22, 2015 8:53 pm

People, we've missed something...

Bruce wrote:0% Gazing thoughtfully into beakers full of colorful chemicals in a spotless lab coat and looking damn sexy.

Bruce thinks this guy is sexy!!!

Evidences PROOF!!!

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Thu Oct 22, 2015 9:25 pm

But we already know Bruce has a thing for Asians.

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Fri Oct 23, 2015 5:19 am

Must be a slow news day.

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Fri Dec 04, 2015 6:05 pm

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Wed Feb 24, 2016 3:58 am

My favorite periodic table:

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Fri Mar 11, 2016 3:31 pm

Pings wife works with electronics...and has asbestos hands.

She's handy to have around the house during Thanksgiving because she can also pull the turkey right out of the oven without having to find an oven mitt.

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Fri Mar 11, 2016 4:00 pm

A soldering iron fetish sounds painful.

On OR off.

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Fri Mar 11, 2016 4:07 pm

Thus why the "On OR off" part

hammegk · Post by **hammegk** » Fri Jul 22, 2016 1:31 am

What psycodelic(sp?) compounds have you engineered Bruce?

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri Jul 22, 2016 2:21 am

--J.D.

ed · Post by ed » Fri Jul 22, 2016 12:22 pm

Ping: A chemist

RESEARCH INTERESTS
1. Surface Science of Carbon at the Atomic Domains (STM, TEM, ARPES, HREELS)

2. Two dimensional Thin Films (graphene, topological insulators and metal oxides)

3. Optical and Plasmonic properties of Graphene

4. Catalysis using Graphene Oxide and Nanodiamond

5. Bioapplications of Graphene and Nanodiamond

6. Industrial Scaling and Applications of Graphene Composites

https://www.chemistry.nus.edu.sg/people ... /lohkp.htm

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:12 pm

The official mascot of this thread.

ed · Post by ed » Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:19 pm

He's immortal and doesn't realize it.

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:22 pm

Someone should let him know

ed · Post by ed » Sun Aug 21, 2016 6:39 pm

Bump because you can't have a game if you are in different rooms.

ed · Post by ed » Sun Aug 21, 2016 6:49 pm

bump to get the word order right.

ed · Post by ed » Sun Aug 21, 2016 6:51 pm

Ahhh .... perfect. A good use of my Sunday afternoon.

ScreenShot366.jpg

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Mon Aug 22, 2016 1:34 am

ed wrote:bump to get the world order right.

FIFY