Ping: A Chemist

sparks · Post by **sparks** » Mon Feb 19, 2018 7:53 pm

You are giving Our Youth(tm) bad ideas AA.

Why do you insist on leading Our Youth(tm) astray? And why do you hate hotdogs?

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Fri Feb 23, 2018 10:57 pm

I don't need salt bad enough to be fucking with chemical weapons

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Sat Feb 24, 2018 7:51 pm

The way chemists make salt is downright sensible compared to the way physicists make gold.

https://www.popsci.com/neutron-star-gold

Just smash together a couple of neutron stars.

And the alchemists tried doing it with a puny philosopher's stone. How boring.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 1:39 am

Sodium? Chlorine? Go for the worst, AA:

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 4:57 pm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belousov% ... y_reaction

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Thu Mar 15, 2018 2:05 am

I haven't seen the new oreo thing. Is it banana flavor?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isoamyl_acetate

sparks · Post by **sparks** » Thu Mar 15, 2018 6:12 am

Fruity Pebbles is not a flavor: It's a lifestyle.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Mon Apr 02, 2018 2:09 am

Bruce giving a pep talk at his company:

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Tue Apr 03, 2018 1:37 am

W.....T.....F......?!

First, the Thermo Orbitrap is way better than any QTOF, and second......gawd that was awful.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Tue Apr 03, 2018 3:36 am

Bruce wrote:gawd that was awful.

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Fri May 04, 2018 6:22 am

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:27 am

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Sat Jun 23, 2018 2:17 am

↑ Very cool!

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Sat Jun 23, 2018 2:22 am

I am amused that this thread has far outlived the one it was parodying

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:04 am

[gfycat]WhichCreamyAmericancicada[/gfycat]

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 8:19 am

I would have thumbed Your Mom you up if he put the Na⁺ in the H₂O.

--J.D.

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Thu Dec 20, 2018 10:42 pm

College chemistry student, 22, charged with attempted murder for slowly poisoning his black roommate and scrawling racist graffiti on his bed

His name was Yang, not Ping, but pretty close.

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Thu Feb 28, 2019 3:51 am

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Thu Feb 28, 2019 4:04 am

I use those same autopipets at work. Never thought of wielding them like daggers.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Sun Mar 03, 2019 1:44 am

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:34 am

Crazy old koot. No blast shield. No splatter shield. No secondary containment. Not even a disposable graduant student to do the dangerous hands on work.

Wonder what the camera guy was thinking when he said the whole thing would explode if mixed too vigorously, like if he had poured that last solution just a little bit faster.....or if he had slipped and dropped that beaker with his shaky hands and slippery nitrile gloves.....

ceptimus · Post by **ceptimus** » Wed Apr 24, 2019 3:17 pm

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Thu Apr 25, 2019 2:04 am

Abdul Alhazred wrote: ↑Wed Apr 24, 2019 12:54 am [white phosphorus]

Rob Lister · Post by **Rob Lister** » Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:17 pm

What a horrible weapon. As weapons go, I suppose.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Fri Apr 26, 2019 12:59 am

Rob Lister wrote: ↑Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:17 pm What a horrible weapon. As weapons go, I suppose.

Indeed.

German woman picks up WW2 white phosphorus bomb after mistaking it for amber

Walker on banks of River Elbe near Hamburg put the object in the pocket of her jacket which later burst into flames

A woman in Germany narrowly avoided injury after she picked up a shiny object on a beach she believed to be amber, but which turned out to be part of a Second World War bomb that later burst into flames.

The 41-year-old was out walking on the banks of the Elbe river near Hamburg when she plucked the small stone-like item from wet sand and put it in the pocket of her jacket.

But the souvenir turned out to be a centimetre-long chunk of white phosphorus – which ignited just moments later in the incident near the town of Wedel.

Passersby alerted the woman that her jacket was ablaze where she had placed it on the ground, and she managed to avoid any injuries.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/worl ... 79121.html

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Wed Oct 02, 2019 1:50 am

Rob Lister · Post by **Rob Lister** » Mon Oct 07, 2019 8:36 am

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously, he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He, too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterward, wrote the observation, “The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water.”

hattip: internet

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Thu Oct 17, 2019 7:52 pm

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Tue Nov 12, 2019 1:28 am

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Sun Dec 15, 2019 1:58 am

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments ... dium=web2x

ed · Post by ed » Sun Dec 15, 2019 2:21 am

You know, chemistry humor really isn't that funny.

sparks · Post by **sparks** » Sun Dec 15, 2019 7:13 pm

Your expectations are too high ed.

"So, this neutron walks into a bar..."

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Sun Dec 15, 2019 8:49 pm

ed wrote: ↑Sun Dec 15, 2019 2:21 am You know, chemistry humor really isn't that funny.

I suppose you think gun jokes are explosively funny. Barrel of laughs, am I right? Or should I be sweating bullets.

Rob Lister · Post by **Rob Lister** » Sun Dec 15, 2019 9:27 pm

sparks wrote: ↑Sun Dec 15, 2019 7:13 pm Your expectations are too high ed.

"So, this neutron walks into a bar..."

... and sits alone all night till the lights flicker.

A proton walks up and says, "Well, last call I suppose."

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Sun Dec 15, 2019 10:00 pm

Rob Lister wrote: ↑Sun Dec 15, 2019 9:27 pm
sparks wrote: ↑Sun Dec 15, 2019 7:13 pm Your expectations are too high ed.

"So, this neutron walks into a bar..."
... and sits alone all night till the lights flicker.

A proton walks up and says, "Well, last call I suppose."

9 months later, a deuterium was born.

:doglaugh:

sparks · Post by **sparks** » Mon Dec 16, 2019 1:19 am

Both those punch lines are good, but Bruce wins. Sorry Rob.

"Neutron has a couple of drinks and asks for the bill. Bartender says 'For you, no charge' ".

Rob Lister · Post by **Rob Lister** » Mon Dec 16, 2019 1:27 am

sparks wrote: ↑Mon Dec 16, 2019 1:19 am Both those punch lines are good, but Bruce wins. Sorry Rob.

"Neutron has a couple of drinks and asks for the bill. Bartender says 'For you, no charge' ".

Punch line? Physics is no joke.

sparks · Post by **sparks** » Mon Dec 16, 2019 1:32 am

I stand corrected. It's the results of applied physics that are the goddamned joke.

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Wed Dec 18, 2019 2:13 am

sparks wrote: ↑Mon Dec 16, 2019 1:19 am Both those punch lines are good, but Bruce wins. Sorry Rob.

Rob pitched it, and I knocked it out of the park.

sparks · Post by **sparks** » Wed Dec 18, 2019 8:08 am

Damnit Bruce! I'm trying to foment dissent and bullshit and here you come along and stitch it all back together again.

Fuck.

Thanks.