With the laughable incompetence of NFL referees?
Come form your own country!
One man is trying to create a utopia on what he says is unclaimed land between Serbia and Croatia. He's banned from setting foot in his would-be territory, but he has not given up.
The president stared across the water at his country, from which he is exiled.
We were in a boat on the Danube, only a few yards from the territory of Liberland - what he calls the "beloved country".
But we knew that if we tried to disembark, the Croatian river police would arrest us. Patriotism struggled with prudence, and lost.
Liberland is only 7 sq km (2.5 sq miles) of uninhabited marshland. But in the mind of Vit Jedlicka, its first president, it's the fulfilment of the libertarian dream - a land with no compulsory taxes, no gun control, with Bitcoins as currency.
In the summer of 2015, he, his girlfriend and a couple of mates planted a flag there. The other three elected him president. No word on whether or not he won the popular vote, or merely the electoral.
Since then, he has signed up nearly half a million would-be citizens online. Who will all enjoy living in 7 square miles of marsh. He has appointed a cabinet and ambassadors-in-waiting worldwide. He has money from crowdfunding and wealthy libertarian donors. He has printed diplomatic passports.
[Details on the disagreements on borders "Snip'd."--Ed.]
So in September, I flew to Budapest, where the president and his foreign minister, Jose Miguel Maschietto, picked me up in a hired car.
All this time, we were accompanied by the foreign minister Jose Miguel Maschietto, a strikingly handsome 32-year-old, always impeccably dressed.
He's a Venetian, and so knows about boats. But something about him didn't quite add up.
He said he'd been a commander in the Italian army and served as a UN peacekeeper in Kosovo. But he wouldn't tell me when. He was always telling me things that turned out to be untrue, or inaccurate, or unlikely. He claimed to be in constant touch with his ambassadors, but then he got muddled about their names.
Back home, I did some digging - and found a whole another barely credible story.
Three years ago, Maschietto had claimed to be an internationally celebrated pianist and composer. He'd won an award for the soundtrack to the film Gravity. He was conductor of the state opera of Prague, guest conductor at the Paris National Opera and guest ballet conductor at the Bolshoi. His CV of awards and prestigious official positions ran to several pages.
This musical prodigy had given interviews to the Italian and Czech press and media. And because he was of Ecuadorian heritage - he had been adopted by an Italian family as a child - he had been lionised by the Ecuadorian ambassador to Germany, who wanted to appoint him an honorary consul in Prague. There was going to be a film made of his amazing life.
The trouble was, it was all untrue.
None of the institutions he claimed to have worked with had any record of him. His piano playing was mediocre at best. He had got an engagement to conduct an orchestra in Venice but, the orchestral manager told me, the players rebelled after half an hour and he was replaced.
The work of exposing the hoax fell to a group of Ecuadorian expatriates in German and Prague, including a genuinely distinguished Ecuadorian musician, Boris Cepeda, who had never heard of Maschietto.
Eventually, the Ecuadorian government admitted it had been duped, and withdrew the honorary consulship. Maschietto went to ground, only resurfacing this year as Liberland foreign minister, and altering his name, presumably to avoid detection.
I told Jedlicka of his foreign minister's rich fantasy life. He was shocked and surprised. Maschietto resigned.
The president wrote to me: "I'm still doing my best to choose the best people for the team and lately I was not very lucky. I hope to be able to get better people on board soon. Maybe you would be interested in working for our intelligence services?"
As many nation-builders through history have discovered, it's your friends as much as your enemies you need to keep an eye on.
Unlike his ex-foreign minister, Vit Jedlicka isn't trying to fool anyone. But both men are pursuing fantasies.
If Croatia and Serbia ever sort out their border disagreement, there will be no little piece of land left over to build a libertarian heaven on earth.
But then, as Vit Jedlicka is fond of saying, all countries are fantasies. They're all in your head. And a man's reach should always exceed his grasp, for what else is there an insane asylum for?
Beaten By Colonists: Jolyon Jenkins