Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

This is our lounge area. Feel free to come in and get acquainted!
User avatar
sparks
Posts: 15167
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:13 pm
Location: Friar McWallclocks Bar -- Where time stands still while you lean over!

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by sparks » Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:01 pm

And fuckwit Ma ain't gonna get any richer on the backs of suicidal workers who don't even have the luxury of hurling themselves out of 8 story windows because fuckwit put up nets to catch them on their way to Gawds lap.

And that's what Chinkland is all about.

Problem is they make such bloody good iFuck stuff. Of course it's overpriced, but DocX can afford it, so why not? BTW, what is the out-of-country net worth of Apple-Maggot these days?

https://www.investopedia.com/news/apple ... -5-things/

Next stop is Weyland-Yutani.

I'm deeply cheered I won't live to see it.

BTW sockpupCaptain: Go fuck yourself and have another hard boiled egg, Umkay? You'll recall that in the story line of the movie you and the dickhead with no eyes conspired to and did, in fact, commit murder.

I'd hardly call that a thing to celebrate, you dumb fucking cunt.

So, the next time you're poised to writ large another cutesy quip, think again and just don't do it. Count yourself lucky that you're on the verandah in the cool breeze and just be happy with that.

Anyone else here have a problem with this? Then by all means Cornfield(tm) me.
cornfield.jpg
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

User avatar
shemp
Posts: 5674
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2004 12:16 pm
Title: crazy as fuck

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by shemp » Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:16 pm

Sparks, I wish I could give you 10 thanks. Let's take Captain, give him some tar, and add some feathers! And a rail to ride out of town!
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

Freedom of choice
Is what you got
Freedom from choice
Is what you want

User avatar
shemp
Posts: 5674
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2004 12:16 pm
Title: crazy as fuck

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by shemp » Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:19 pm

We must remember too that Jack, being a Chinaman, well, I'm sure most of you, especially the dear Doctor, understand that Jack has some forceful anal issues regarding his workers.
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

Freedom of choice
Is what you got
Freedom from choice
Is what you want

User avatar
Abdul Alhazred
Posts: 75537
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2004 1:33 pm
Title: Yes, that one.
Location: Chicago

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:28 pm

We have outsourced oppressing the industrial proletariat to Communist China.

They are much better at that sort of thing than we are. :|
Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
Any man writes a mission statement spends a night in the box.
-- our mission statement plappendale

User avatar
Pyrrho
Posts: 27830
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 2:17 am
Title: Man in Black
Location: Division 6

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by Pyrrho » Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:32 pm

sparks wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:01 pm
And fuckwit Ma ain't gonna get any richer on the backs of suicidal workers who don't even have the luxury of hurling themselves out of 8 story windows because fuckwit put up nets to catch them on their way to Gawds lap.

And that's what Chinkland is all about.

Problem is they make such bloody good iFuck stuff. Of course it's overpriced, but DocX can afford it, so why not? BTW, what is the out-of-country net worth of Apple-Maggot these days?

https://www.investopedia.com/news/apple ... -5-things/

Next stop is Weyland-Yutani.

I'm deeply cheered I won't live to see it.

BTW sockpupCaptain: Go fuck yourself and have another hard boiled egg, Umkay? You'll recall that in the story line of the movie you and the dickhead with no eyes conspired to and did, in fact, commit murder.

I'd hardly call that a thing to celebrate, you dumb fucking cunt.

So, the next time you're poised to writ large another cutesy quip, think again and just don't do it. Count yourself lucky that you're on the verandah in the cool breeze and just be happy with that.

Anyone else here have a problem with this? Then by all means Cornfield(tm) me.

cornfield.jpg
Dipshit.

Or should I say, Asshole.

I've worked my share of 7-day weeks and 7 am to 9 pm days, and I've worked my share of 80-hour weeks, so yes, I get to joke about it.
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

User avatar
Pyrrho
Posts: 27830
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 2:17 am
Title: Man in Black
Location: Division 6

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by Pyrrho » Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:56 pm

shemp wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:16 pm
Sparks, I wish I could give you 10 thanks. Let's take Captain, give him some tar, and add some feathers! And a rail to ride out of town!
Register 9 sock puppets and have at it.
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

User avatar
sparks
Posts: 15167
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:13 pm
Location: Friar McWallclocks Bar -- Where time stands still while you lean over!

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by sparks » Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:00 pm

shemp wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:16 pm
Sparks, I wish I could give you 10 thanks. Let's take Captain, give him some tar, and add some feathers! And a rail to ride out of town!
Thank you shemp. I'm in a rare "I just can't give anymore fucks" mood. Problem is, I seem to be having them more and more the older I get. I don't really expect that my little tirades will have a positive effect. They won't. But at least I'll have done what little I can to clear the air, so to speak. Which is odd for me to say, since I'm the only one here fouling the air to begin with. :)

The real question then becomes -- How much longer can I put up with this self made horseshit? I'll know that and share it with all here just before the hollow point passes through my tiny Earth mind thereby painting the walls of my humble domicile with my admittedly inadequate brain cells. :)

Thank Gawd I never passed any of this shit on in the form of children.

mUst FiND A WaY Owt!!

O. W. T. OWT!!!! (Small tribute to Arnold Governator Schwarzenegger)

The only thing that made any of this madness bearable was knowing that I was needed, in a very small way, by a black furball whom I named Max.
I haz a kitchin.JPG
He lasted 13 years and at his zenith, was a 20 pounder full of good will and love for all. (Except small birds. He wanted to kill all of them. I wisely restrained him from his murderous bent by keeping him indoors at all times. Vets agree: Cats are happier, healthier and live longer if kept indoors...)

And now that I don't have him around depending on me, I find that I just don't give much of a fuck at all about anything anymore.

But enough of this self indulgent horseshit. Thanks to all here for letting me rant and putting up with it.

And no: I'd never really do away with myself because I'm too big a chickenshit pussy to ever do such a thing, so don't give that another thought.

Cheers!
sparks :)
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Last edited by sparks on Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

User avatar
shemp
Posts: 5674
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2004 12:16 pm
Title: crazy as fuck

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by shemp » Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:01 pm

Pyrrho wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:56 pm
shemp wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:16 pm
Sparks, I wish I could give you 10 thanks. Let's take Captain, give him some tar, and add some feathers! And a rail to ride out of town!
Register 9 sock puppets and have at it.
Why? I have a life.
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

Freedom of choice
Is what you got
Freedom from choice
Is what you want

User avatar
shemp
Posts: 5674
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2004 12:16 pm
Title: crazy as fuck

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by shemp » Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:03 pm

sparks wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:00 pm
shemp wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:16 pm
Sparks, I wish I could give you 10 thanks. Let's take Captain, give him some tar, and add some feathers! And a rail to ride out of town!
Thank you shemp. I'm in a rare "I just can't give anymore fucks" mood. Problem is, I seem to be having them more and more the older I get. I don't really expect that my little tirades will have a positive effect. They won't. But at least I'll have done what little I can to clear the air, so to speak. Which is odd for me to say, since I'm the only one here fouling the air to begin with. :)

The real question then becomes -- How much longer can I put up with this self made horseshit? I'll know that and share it with all here just before the hollow point passes through my tiny Earth mind thereby painting the walls of my humble domicile with my admittedly inadequate brain cells. :)

Thank Gawd I never passed any of this shit on in the form of children.

mUst FiND A WaY Owt!!

O. W. T. OWT!!!! (Small tribute to Arnold Governator Schwarzenegger)

The only thing that made any of this madness bearable was knowing that I was needed, in a very small way, by a black furball whom I named Max.

I haz a kitchin.JPG

He lasted 13 years and at his zenith, was a 20 pounder full of good will and love for all. (Except small birds. He wanted to kill all of them. I wisely restrained him from his murderous bent by keeping him indoors at all times. Vets agree: Cats are happier, healthier and live longer if kept indoors...)

And now that I don't have him around depending on me, I find that I just don't give much of a fuck at all about anything anymore.

But enough of this self indulgent horseshit. Thanks to all here for letting me rant and putting up with it.

Cheers!
sparks :)
Get another furball. ASAP!
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

Freedom of choice
Is what you got
Freedom from choice
Is what you want

User avatar
sparks
Posts: 15167
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:13 pm
Location: Friar McWallclocks Bar -- Where time stands still while you lean over!

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by sparks » Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:15 pm

Edited my post since you quoted. Rest easy.

Cats have been known to live upwards of 20 years. If my genetic heritage is any indicator, it's just possible I won't last that long and the last thing I'd want to do is leave a pet behind to ponder why the fuck I went away.

So you see, I'm a bit conflicted on this idea. Gawd knows there are lots of pets out there that need good homes. I shall take your advice and reconsider this.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

User avatar
shemp
Posts: 5674
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2004 12:16 pm
Title: crazy as fuck

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by shemp » Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:23 pm

You could get a gerbil. They don't live as long, and Richard Gere might have a few used ones.
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

Freedom of choice
Is what you got
Freedom from choice
Is what you want

User avatar
Witness
Posts: 20714
Joined: Thu Sep 19, 2013 5:50 pm

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by Witness » Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:24 pm

shemp wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:03 pm
Get another furball. ASAP!
Second that. sparks needs some responsibilities in his life instead of brooding endlessly about The Dumbth© (which is inexhaustible).

Image

User avatar
sparks
Posts: 15167
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:13 pm
Location: Friar McWallclocks Bar -- Where time stands still while you lean over!

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by sparks » Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:27 pm

That is fuckin' priceless! Thanks Witness.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

User avatar
xouper
Posts: 9473
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2004 4:52 am
Location: has left the building

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by xouper » Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:28 pm

sparks wrote:
Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:00 pm
. . . I'm in a rare "I just can't give anymore fucks" mood.
Free kindle book on amazon:

Image

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07L97QJC7/

User avatar
sparks
Posts: 15167
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:13 pm
Location: Friar McWallclocks Bar -- Where time stands still while you lean over!

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by sparks » Sun Apr 21, 2019 2:01 am

"Dipshit.

Or should I say, Asshole.

I've worked my share of 7-day weeks and 7 am to 9 pm days, and I've worked my share of 80-hour weeks, so yes, I get to joke about it."

Yes, I prefer 'Asshole'.

And I dare say we've all worked 7 day weeks and 16 hour days and 80 hour weeks. You sir, are not special because you too were stupid enough to put up with that sort of bullshit.

But when the rich fucking boss comes on like a cheap self help guru touting the benefits of an 80 hour work week, that's where I draw the line. No, it isn't funny. Your frequent and various anecdotes about your work environs and the idiots who inhabit same with you, now that's funny. But not Jack fucking Shit of the mishappen head Ma. This miserable fucker is not funny. He's a goddamned vampire existing only to suck the life blood out of all foolish enough to work for him.

Over my time on this board I've come to have a serious regard and respect for you Pyrrho and I wouldn't want to tarnish that by crossing you in any way. However, while I'm certainly a dipshit and perhaps an asshole too, I really don't need your overworked self to tell me that. I get it all by myself, thanks. One last point: These days I never work more than 40 hours a week (frequently less 'cause that's just how fucking good I am) unless one of my seven fucking teen radio stations is off the air. These fun filled episodes usually involves a phone call at UnGawdly O' Thirty in the morning from automated dialers at the transmitter site informing me that something is out of tolerance. I drag myself out of bed and deal with it. Sometimes this involves a lonely dreary drive up to the top of a mountain via logging roads to the transmitter site. Each one of them is populated by an assortment of antiques and museum pieces as any you'd care to see, but I keep The Shit running in spite of the fact that it all should've been retired about the same time as Edison made his first successful light bulb. And in spite of Teh Children who constitute the bulk of the staff at each of these illustrious licensed public servants.

And in this, I answer to one person, my immediate supervisor, who has been through the mill just like I have. We understand each other perfectly. Sure, lot's of others think I answer to them too, but they labor under a false assumption on their part that they are some how spay-shul and that when they fart, Skittles fly out their assholes. I always smile and nod. Each and every time they suggest that I might do something for them, I always refer them to the aforementioned supervisor, who will, in his own unique way and without raising his voice, gently remind them to go fuck themselves because, after all, they really do not know what they're talking about. I am still and always will be in awe of his ability in this regard. I have yet to master this, indeed, I'm too old now to even attempt it. If my supervisor should retire or otherwise vacate his position before I do, that'll be the day I turn in my resignation. Knowing him as I do, I expect he'll work until he drops, and I've only got another 6 years before I can ease myself into retirement. So, it's a race to see who gets there first.

Would I want to come back and do it all again? No. But, I wouldn't have missed this go 'round for all the tea in China either.

I thank you all for your attention.

Cheers,
sparky
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

User avatar
shemp
Posts: 5674
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2004 12:16 pm
Title: crazy as fuck

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by shemp » Sun Apr 21, 2019 3:54 am

I once, just once, worked a 36 hour workday. It was an emergency (not life and death, just ridiculous amounts of work needed on a weekend) situation, and I wasn't forced (there was some begging and "company spirit" shit) to do it, but it was one of those "somebody's gotta do it" situations, and I wasn't the only one who did it. And I got 2.5x pay ($50) an hour when that bought a lot more than it does now. A lot of strong coffee was drunk on that shift, and I slept 14 hours afterward. I would never do it again, but I was a lot younger then.
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

Freedom of choice
Is what you got
Freedom from choice
Is what you want

User avatar
Boss Paul
Posts: 304
Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 5:30 am
Title: Boss
Location: Florida Corrections

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by Boss Paul » Sun Apr 21, 2019 4:13 am

Get to work.
Get the wax outta your ears!

You call the Captain "Captain!"

And you call the rest of us "Boss," you hear?!

User avatar
sparks
Posts: 15167
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 4:13 pm
Location: Friar McWallclocks Bar -- Where time stands still while you lean over!

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by sparks » Sun Apr 21, 2019 5:04 am

34 hours was my limit back when I was young and stupid. But, I was the only one who could do the work necessary.

What madness.

After that, I should have owned a percentage of that one. But stupid is as stupid does, and I gave it away at the going rate. What a fool I was.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

User avatar
Pyrrho
Posts: 27830
Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 2:17 am
Title: Man in Black
Location: Division 6

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by Pyrrho » Sun Apr 21, 2019 6:00 am

Never said that I'm anybody special.

Whatever.
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

User avatar
Doctor X
Posts: 70693
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:09 pm
Title: Collective Messiah
Location: Your Mom

Re: Official Fucking Asshole of the Week Thread

Post by Doctor X » Sun Apr 21, 2019 6:20 am

These could be Fucking Assholes of the Decade. Nevertheless, this infamous case finally comes to a close:

Image
This Cunt and This Fuck Face

They are both Cunts and Fuck Faces. They are, The Fucking Assholes of the Week!
California Parents Sentenced To Life In Prison After Years Of Torturing 12 Children

A California couple who beat, tortured and abused 12 of their 13 children for years were sentenced to life in prison during an emotional hearing that included testimony from some of the victims.

David and Louise Turpin pleaded guilty in February to 14 felony counts each, including counts of torture, false imprisonment, cruelty to dependent adults and child endangerment, after police discovered they had held their children captive, starving them and forcing them to live in horrific conditions.

["Snip!"--Ed.]

The sentencing came just over a year after the couple's then-17-year-old daughter escaped through a window of the family's Perris, Calif., home and called 911. It was the culmination of a two-year plan.

The girl directed police to the house where officials found the children — ages 2 to 29 at the time — living in appalling squalor. Some were "shackled to their beds with chains and padlocks in dark and foul-smelling surroundings," according to the Riverside Sheriff's Department.

They were so malnourished and emaciated that police mistook them for much younger children. In fact, they believed the 17-year-old was only 10. Police were also shocked to discover seven adults among the group, ranging in age from 18 to 29 — the eldest weighed 82 pounds when found. Officials also concluded several of the victims suffered cognitive impairment and neuropathy as result of the extreme and prolonged physical abuse.

Further investigations revealed the siblings were restrained by ropes and later chains as a form of punishment. They were often beaten, strangled or tied up for "weeks or even months at a time." They were only allowed to shower once a year, and their parents often taunted them by keeping food and toys just out of reach.

The youngest child, who was 2 when the Turpins were arrested, was apparently spared the abuse, the Riverside County district attorney determined.

Both parents offered tearful apologies to their children in court, saying they acted out of love. Really.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done to hurt my children," Louise Turpin said, weeping. "I love my children so much. I'm blessed to be the mother of each one of them. I only want the best for them; their happiness is very important to me. They are very smart, amazing individuals. I hope they get all the education they need."

Their father, David, spoke briefly before breaking down. "I am so proud of each and every one of my children. I miss all of my children and I will be praying for them. I long for the opportunity to have contact with them again," he said.

His lawyer finished reading the statement saying, "My home schooling and discipline had good intentions. ... I'm sorry if I've done anything to cause them harm." Really.

Judge Bernard Schwartz had harsh words for the Turpins and the irreparable years of maltreatment they inflicted on their offspring.

"Their lives have been permanently altered in their ability to learn, grow and thrive. You have delayed their mental, physical and emotional development," Schwartz said.

"To the extent that they do thrive, and it appears from today that perhaps a couple are, it will be not because of you both, but in spite of you both," he rebuked the pair.

The couple will be eligible for parole after 25 years. Really.

Not Particularly Relevant Radio
--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

ImageWS CHAMPIONS X4!!!! ImageNBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup!Image SB CHAMPIONS X6!!!!!! Image