The UK thread

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Sat Dec 16, 2017 5:54 am

That thread was missing.

From Google searches (allegedly):

Fid · Post by **Fid** » Sat Dec 16, 2017 7:44 am

They ain't so bad, hell they had Zepplins dropping bombs on them not that long ago.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:04 am

Led Zeppelins?

What?

--J.D.

Fid · Post by **Fid** » Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:22 am

Well not lately but hey.... little known fact the aluminum from those WW1 zeeps went into the spitfire. (fake news bite me)

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:31 am

ZEPPELIN FUEL CAN'T MELT ALUMINIUM!!1!!

--J.D.

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Sat Dec 16, 2017 1:43 pm

I demand some answers from AC.

Giz · Post by **Giz** » Sun Dec 17, 2017 6:39 am

Witness wrote:That thread was missing.

From Google searches (allegedly):

Nothing about Manchester United? Clearly fake.

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun Dec 17, 2017 6:52 am

"Why don't they play sports in Britain?"

--Alabama

--J.D.

Giz · Post by **Giz** » Sun Dec 17, 2017 1:49 pm

Why do they call it football, when they don't even use their hands?
- the USA

Doctor X · Post by **Doctor X** » Sun Dec 17, 2017 9:24 pm

Well, England's your basic fagdom.

--Archie Bunker

--J.D.

Giz · Post by **Giz** » Sun Dec 17, 2017 9:56 pm

Doctor X wrote:
Well, England's your basic fagdom.

--Archie Bunker
--J.D.

a “gay gangster” leading “the gay government of the gay United gay Kingdom”. A Downing Street spokesgay denied the charge:

The Prime Minister is not a gay gangster.

- the world according to mugabe

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Mon Dec 18, 2017 3:01 am

The Indianapolis Star - Mar 10, 1962

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 5:31 am

The Guardian wrote:First vending machine for homeless people launches in UK

A vending machine containing essentials for rough sleepers has been installed in Nottingham in what is believed to be a world first, with the inventor hoping to put one in every city with a homelessness problem.

The machine was unveiled at the Intu shopping centre in Broadmarsh on Tuesday. It dispenses water, fresh fruit, energy bars, crisps, chocolate and sandwiches, as well as socks, sanitary towels, antibacterial lotion, toothbrush and toothpaste packs, and books.

Much of the fresh food comes from redistribution organisations seeking to reduce food waste, according to the inventors at Action Hunger, a new charity. Other items are bought with donations.

Use of the machine is exclusively for those in need, and items can only be vended with a special keycard, which Action Hunger’s partner organisations give to users. In Nottingham the cards are given out by the Friary, a drop-in advice centre for homeless people.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/201 ... nottingham

From other source:

The number of homeless people in the UK now outnumbers the population of Newcastle.

There has been an increase of 13,000, bringing the total number of homeless people in the UK to 307,000, according to leading homeless charity Shelter.

http://metro.co.uk/2017/12/19/worlds-fi ... k-7170361/

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Sat Dec 23, 2017 12:28 am

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Tue Dec 26, 2017 4:22 am

Bloomberg wrote:U.K.'s Secret Brexit Studies Reveal That Airbus Makes Planes

For months, journalists tried to get their hands on government papers setting out how leaving the European Union will affect different parts of the British economy. They contained, according to Brexit Secretary David Davis, “excruciating detail.”

But despite boasting about their contents, ministers were reluctant to let anyone else see the documents. In November, after being forced to give way by a vote in Parliament, the government allowed lawmakers to read them under controlled conditions. Their phones were confiscated, and they were only permitted to make notes with pen and paper, lest too much information leak into the public domain.

“These documents in aggregate represent the most comprehensive picture of our economy on this issue to date,” Davis wrote this month, explaining why he was being cautious about publication.

On Thursday, the documents were released online.

[hilarious details at the link]

Lawmakers were unimpressed. “Most of this could be found on Wikipedia or with a quick Google search,” said David Lammy of the opposition Labour Party. “David Davis clearly misled the House and then set his civil servants the unenviable task of coming up with these documents in a couple of weeks. They look like copy and paste essay crises.”

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles ... arm-demand

I feel we'll have some fun with Brexit.

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Tue Dec 26, 2017 6:34 am

What do I get strange looks when I pronounce it "The UK"?

Why does everyone else pronounce it "The You Kay"?

Giz · Post by **Giz** » Tue Dec 26, 2017 1:49 pm

Bruce wrote:What do I get strange looks when I pronounce it "The UK"?

Why does everyone else pronounce it "The You Kay"?

We only started to say it "you-kay" after "the zuck" came along, and we thought people might mishear.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Wed Dec 27, 2017 4:40 am

The Guardian wrote:Government admits 'losing' thousands of papers from National Archives

Documents on the Falklands, Northern Ireland’s Troubles, and the infamous Zinoviev letter among those ‘misplaced’, leaving historians suspicious.

Details: https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/201 ... l-archives

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:07 am

https://twitter.com/nhc75?lang=en

Related: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/201 ... strawpedo/

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:20 am

"Strawpedo"

Giz · Post by **Giz** » Wed Feb 07, 2018 3:51 pm

A Scottish farmer frantically called cops to report a tiger in his cow shed, sparking an armed police standoff — only to learn it just was a large, cuddly stuffed animal.

The frightened farmer said the first officer to respond to the scene was so scared that he “refused to get out of the squad car.”

North East Police even checked a local wildfire park to see if they had an escaped tiger on the loose.

After armed cops engaged in a 45-minute “standoff,” they realized the supposedly terrifying beast was actually just a big plush toy

https://nypost.com/2018/02/06/cops-real ... -standoff/

Grammatron · Post by **Grammatron** » Wed Feb 07, 2018 7:55 pm

It's a good thing this didn't happen in USA. There would have been a senseless plush toy death.

ed · Post by ed » Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:21 pm

Stang your grund

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:45 pm

Giz wrote:A Scottish farmer frantically called cops to report a tiger in his cow shed, sparking an armed police standoff — only to learn it just was a large, cuddly stuffed animal.

Reminded me of something. (* google, google *) Here it is:

BBC wrote:Stuffed toy tiger sparks police hunt

23 May 2011
From the section UK

http://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-13507026/ ... olice-hunt

"Only in the UK"?

Giz · Post by **Giz** » Wed Feb 07, 2018 10:09 pm

You may laugh, but when was the last time a UK policeman was eaten by a tiger, hey? Chow down on that safety record. Guess they must be doing something right!

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 1:46 pm

So many questions!

One simple answer.

Fuck You. Fuck all of you who aren't British. Because we're the best. Everyone knows it. It's a fact.

gnome · Post by **gnome** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 2:08 pm

I'm British. In Civ 6.

The Persians are getting a bit hostile, I'm thinking of sending some guys over there.

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 2:18 pm

Send a few British women, with a couple of nukes. Problem solved.

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 3:32 pm

They're spies, you American dumbass.

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 4:06 pm

Abdul Alhazred wrote:And mushy peas, the hummus of England.

Just don't put any olive oil in it.

And as for garlic ...

Ahhhhh, mushy peas.

It's an acquired taste, I must admit. I hated mushy peas when I was a wee spud. Hated them with a passion normally reserved for Brussels sprouts and cabbage. (Broccoli had yet to hit our hallowed shores back then.)

Now that I'm an old, fat bastard, however, I really appreciate a whopping portion drenched in salt and vinegar as a side dish to compliment two baby's heads, (steak and kidney puddings for faggots who aren't British, and therefore not awesome), and a massive portion of real, proper chips. Not fries, (they're for French faggots and Americans, not, of course....)

Enough blathering.

Real English gentlemen eat this with relish, (and not that gay stuff you Yanks call relish, I mean delight.)

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 9:09 pm

There is indeed, Abdul but it's not for poofs. (Well, it may be; it's made with anchovies which can taste and smell somewhat like something you won't have encountered.)

I digress.

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 9:58 pm

Eyetie? Nahhhh, you Kikey, atheistic fag.

No more than Lea & Perrin's Worcestershire Sauce is Eyetie.

An essential ingredient in every English gentleman's dish.

I buy in bulk to ensure a secure supply.

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 10:22 pm

Garlic is for French faggots, who are probably also Catholic and thus banned from our holy shores.

True English gentlemen insist that their cooks use the native alternative, ramsons, Allium Ursinum.

Useless factoid for American, gay, atheistic, swarthy ponces.

Ramsbottom, a small market town not so far from me, which might, possibly have faggottish connotations for those of a puerile nature, derives its name from the plant, frequently found growing wild in the area.

So fuck you. In a nice kind of way but not at all homosexual. X

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 10:54 pm

True English gentlemen would not be seen dead wearing a NY Yankees cap, they are strictly for Chavs. Even De_Bunk doesn't wear them.

Rob Lister · Post by **Rob Lister** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:12 pm

asthmatic camel wrote:Eyetie? Nahhhh, you Kikey, atheistic fag.

No more than Lea & Perrin's Worcestershire Sauce is Eyetie.

An essential ingredient in every English gentleman's dish.

I buy in bulk to ensure a secure supply.

I have a bottle of that. Use it often.

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:24 pm

Mister Lister, even I do not go out and about brown-bagging Lea & Perrins.

You should be ashamed of yourself, sir.

Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power.

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:47 pm

asthmatic camel wrote:Mister Lister, even I do not go out and about brown-bagging Lea & Perrins.

You should be ashamed of yourself, sir.

Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power.

That's the only way they sell it in the states, and you can only buy it in dark alleys at 2am from the same sketchy character that sells fish and chips.

Bruce · Post by **Bruce** » Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:53 pm

Wait. Ramsbottom is a store in the UK? In the states, it's a verb that describes what priests and camp counselors do to [stop that! -ed].

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sun Feb 11, 2018 12:20 am

Do try and pay attention, young man. I appreciate that you suffer from a disability shared by your peers, as in not being British, but you might have noticed that Ramsbottom is a small market town, much like the one I inhabit, Stockport. Abdul is in the habit of referring to it as "Stopfun", an oblique reference to its original name of Stopford. Which, as any fule know means shallow river place in Olde English.

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Sun Feb 11, 2018 1:02 am

Fuck you, Abdul and the gay, Kikey mule you rode in on.

Stopfunia rhymes with harmonica, and I'm now going to have to buy two more to add to my collection.

Stop triggering me!