The UK thread

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Giz
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Giz »

A Scottish farmer frantically called cops to report a tiger in his cow shed, sparking an armed police standoff — only to learn it just was a large, cuddly stuffed animal.

The frightened farmer said the first officer to respond to the scene was so scared that he “refused to get out of the squad car.”

North East Police even checked a local wildfire park to see if they had an escaped tiger on the loose.

After armed cops engaged in a 45-minute “standoff,” they realized the supposedly terrifying beast was actually just a big plush toy

https://nypost.com/2018/02/06/cops-real ... -standoff/
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Grammatron
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Grammatron »

It's a good thing this didn't happen in USA. There would have been a senseless plush toy death.
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ed
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Re: The UK thread

Post by ed »

Stang your grund
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Witness
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Witness »

Giz wrote:A Scottish farmer frantically called cops to report a tiger in his cow shed, sparking an armed police standoff — only to learn it just was a large, cuddly stuffed animal.
Reminded me of something. (* google, google *) Here it is:
BBC wrote:Stuffed toy tiger sparks police hunt

23 May 2011
From the section UK
Image
http://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-13507026/ ... olice-hunt

"Only in the UK"? :mrgreen:
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Giz
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Giz »

You may laugh, but when was the last time a UK policeman was eaten by a tiger, hey? Chow down on that safety record. Guess they must be doing something right!
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

So many questions!

One simple answer.

Fuck You. Fuck all of you who aren't British. Because we're the best. Everyone knows it. It's a fact.

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Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by gnome »

I'm British. In Civ 6.

The Persians are getting a bit hostile, I'm thinking of sending some guys over there.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

Send a few British women, with a couple of nukes. Problem solved.

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Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

They're spies, you American dumbass.
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

Abdul Alhazred wrote:And mushy peas, the hummus of England.

Just don't put any olive oil in it.

And as for garlic ...

Image

:mrgreen:
Ahhhhh, mushy peas.

It's an acquired taste, I must admit. I hated mushy peas when I was a wee spud. Hated them with a passion normally reserved for Brussels sprouts and cabbage. (Broccoli had yet to hit our hallowed shores back then.)

Now that I'm an old, fat bastard, however, I really appreciate a whopping portion drenched in salt and vinegar as a side dish to compliment two baby's heads, (steak and kidney puddings for faggots who aren't British, and therefore not awesome), and a massive portion of real, proper chips. Not fries, (they're for French faggots and Americans, not, of course....)

Enough blathering.

Real English gentlemen eat this with relish, (and not that gay stuff you Yanks call relish, I mean delight.)

Image
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

There is indeed, Abdul but it's not for poofs. (Well, it may be; it's made with anchovies which can taste and smell somewhat like something you won't have encountered.)

I digress.

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Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

Eyetie? Nahhhh, you Kikey, atheistic fag.

No more than Lea & Perrin's Worcestershire Sauce is Eyetie.

An essential ingredient in every English gentleman's dish.

I buy in bulk to ensure a secure supply.

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Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

Garlic is for French faggots, who are probably also Catholic and thus banned from our holy shores.

True English gentlemen insist that their cooks use the native alternative, ramsons, Allium Ursinum.

Useless factoid for American, gay, atheistic, swarthy ponces.

Ramsbottom, a small market town not so far from me, which might, possibly have faggottish connotations for those of a puerile nature, derives its name from the plant, frequently found growing wild in the area.

So fuck you. In a nice kind of way but not at all homosexual. X
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

True English gentlemen would not be seen dead wearing a NY Yankees cap, they are strictly for Chavs. Even De_Bunk doesn't wear them.
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Rob Lister »

asthmatic camel wrote:Eyetie? Nahhhh, you Kikey, atheistic fag.

No more than Lea & Perrin's Worcestershire Sauce is Eyetie.

An essential ingredient in every English gentleman's dish.

I buy in bulk to ensure a secure supply.
I have a bottle of that. Use it often.

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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

Mister Lister, even I do not go out and about brown-bagging Lea & Perrins.

You should be ashamed of yourself, sir.

Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power.
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Bruce »

asthmatic camel wrote:Mister Lister, even I do not go out and about brown-bagging Lea & Perrins.

You should be ashamed of yourself, sir.

Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power.
That's the only way they sell it in the states, and you can only buy it in dark alleys at 2am from the same sketchy character that sells fish and chips.
Such potential!
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Bruce »

Wait. Ramsbottom is a store in the UK? In the states, it's a verb that describes what priests and camp counselors do to [stop that! -ed].
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

Do try and pay attention, young man. I appreciate that you suffer from a disability shared by your peers, as in not being British, but you might have noticed that Ramsbottom is a small market town, much like the one I inhabit, Stockport. Abdul is in the habit of referring to it as "Stopfun", an oblique reference to its original name of Stopford. Which, as any fule know means shallow river place in Olde English.
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

Fuck you, Abdul and the gay, Kikey mule you rode in on.

Stopfunia rhymes with harmonica, and I'm now going to have to buy two more to add to my collection.

Stop triggering me!

:x :x :x :x :x :x
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

I'm going to report you to Pyrrho, Abdul. I've already bought one harmonica this week and you're an enabler.

I'm considering taking legal action via my lawyers, Sue Grabbit and Run.

Image
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

'Tis a thing of beauty, though, about the best Richter tuned diatonic harmonica money can buy.

Mrs. Camel pissed me off by picking it up and instantly learning how to play the blues scale.

*SIGH*
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by ed »

:shock:
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Giz »

Every [english] rose has it's thrawn.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by ed »

And that, sir, is a thrawn if ever I saw one.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Witness »

Back to serious stuff:

Image
BBC wrote:Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, urges parents to read to children

Writing in the Sunday Express, Camilla spoke of the joy her father brought to her by reading to her every night.

She said: "Those evenings didn't just pass on a lifelong love of reading; they made me, too, want to share that passion with my children and now with my grandchildren."

The duchess was writing ahead of World Book Day on Thursday.

She said a day dedicated to books may seem "a bit old-fashioned" in a world "that sometimes feels dominated by too many screens and too much information".

But Camilla said it was a "timely reminder" of how important books and reading are, especially for children.
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-43187669

:mrgreen:
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ed
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Re: The UK thread

Post by ed »

Shes right
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Witness »

Abdul Alhazred wrote:I see time has treated her better than him.
Hmmm, not so sure about that. As one of my friends once said, "Women turn vinegar, for men it's sad old clown." :mrgreen:
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Witness »

A bit old, but still fun:

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Re: The UK thread

Post by Witness »

The Independent wrote:UK world's largest producer of legal cannabis, finds UN body

Ninety five tonnes of marijuana was produced in the UK in 2016 for medicinal and scientific use, accounting for 44.9 per cent of the world total, its International Narcotics Control Board (INCB) found.

The UK is also the largest exporter of the drug, with 2.1 tonnes exported in 2016 – roughly 70 per cent of the world’s total, the report stated.

Recreational use of cannabis is illegal in the UK, but in recent years, there has been a growing interest in its using it for medicinal purposes.

A number of advocacy groups have called on the government to allow it to be used in treatments.

Drug policy reform group, Transform, criticised the government for being a mass producer while “consistently refusing to allow medical cannabis in the UK on the basis that it has ‘no therapeutic value’”.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/ho ... 43921.html
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Re: The UK thread

Post by sparks »

While it may not cure anything, it certainly assists in enduring others.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Witness »

Image

Yay Brexit! :mrgreen:
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

Incidentally, you see how "Welfare" tops the list, with "State Pensions" coming in at No. 3? This is a highly misleading interpretation of reality by a government determined to paint benefit claimants as sponging, workshy malingerers. Back in the real world, well over a third of "Welfare" spending goes on government employee pensions: not what I'd call "welfare". The proportion spent on unemployment benefits is actually tiny, not that you'd think so if you listened to government propaganda...

Source.

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Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Doctor X »

What?

You expect your government to work for their pay?




Commie!

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asthmatic camel
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Re: The UK thread

Post by asthmatic camel »

I don't expect the government to work for its pay, (and extremely generous pensions.) Government employees, however, our doctors, nurses, teachers, armed forces, police, paramedics etc. work extremely hard for relatively low wages and for the benefit of all. Rewarding them with a fairly modest pension after what can now be fifty one years service is hardly unreasonable, is it?
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Witness »

Image
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Giz
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Giz »

Witness wrote:Image
We provided more countries with independence days than any other, and it’s still not enough. Ungrateful world. Sad!

http://www.livememe.com/1gsc5kx/good-gu ... countries/
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Grammatron »

Maybe we should bring some freedoms back to UK.

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Re: The UK thread

Post by Witness »

Image

London underground.
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Re: The UK thread

Post by Giz »

Witness wrote:Image

London underground.
Where do they think the hot air that drives their turbines comes from?