Diagnosing yourself on the internet

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Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 11:46 pm
Title: Bruce of all Bruces
Location: Massachusetts

Diagnosing yourself on the internet

Post by Bruce » Fri Dec 22, 2017 2:16 pm

One of the most wonderful things about modern technology is the ability to view your blood work results and diagnose yourself on the internet long before you have time to schedule an appointment with your doctor so he can laugh at you and remind you that you are not a doctor.

All of my blood work results were exactly in the middle of the normal range except for three

LYMPH5%-------25.2-------25.0-45.0 (%)
Mono%-------11.5-------2.0-12.0 (%)
THYROID-------1.43-------0.34-5.60 (mcIU/mL)

Based on these results, a thorough search on WebMD and other conveniently free self-diagnosis websites, I have diagnosed myself with Leukemia, Mono, and Fatassosis.

It all makes sense now. I'm tired all the time because I have Leukemia and Mono. It has nothing to do with being married for 20 years to a hen pecking wife, or working for 6 years for a hen pecking boss, or having teenagers, or driving 3hrs everyday for work. I'm not fat because I'm sitting or lying down 23.5/24 hours every day, with my fingers getting 99.9% of my physical activity. I'm fat because of my wonky thyroid.

And Fatassosis is a real disease that I suffer from. The symptoms are a gut that hangs over your belt, jiggly flesh that wobbles under your biceps, and jowls that oscillate when you turn your head too quickly. It's a terrible disease. Terrible. :(

It's all right there in the numbers, and numbers don't lie. :P
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