Dad jokes and humor

[Bruce]

I might not be the best dad in the world, but I was born for dad jokes. Gotta start documenting.

Dad, what's circular reasoning?
It' reasoning that circulates.
What is reasoning that circulates?
Circular reasoning.

[Abdul Alhazred]

"Eat your spinach or your eyeballs will fall out."

At five years old (liking spinach but aware of the stereotype) I thought it was screamingly funny.

But it sure got a rise out of Mom.

[shemp]

"Hey you, pull up a couple of chairs and sit down!"

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"Did you bring your lunch or did you come in the back door?"

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Man gets on a bus with a banana in his ear. Driver says "Hey, you've got a banana in your ear!" "What?" "I said you've got a banana in your ear!" "What?" "You've got a banana in your ear!!!!" "I can't hear you, I've got a banana in my ear!"

[Bruce]

Pay attention, son. You have to remember to cross your eyes and dot your tees. If you rush like that you'll get those reversed.

[robinson]

A weasel walks into the bar. The bartender says wow! In all my years bar tending I’ve never seen a weasel in a bar before. What can I get for you?


























Pop, goes the weasel.

[sparks]

Pull my finger.

[Anaxagoras]

[Rob Lister]

It took a while.

[Anaxagoras]

Don't want to ruin it or anything, but:

Spoiler:

A common dad joke:
Kid: Dad, I'm hungry!
Dad: Hi Hungry, I'm Dad!
Kid:

Or, could be anything. Dad, I'm sleepy/tired/cold/hot/bored/whatever.

Like most dad jokes, the only person amused by them is Dad.

[sparks]

They serve to remind the little darlings that they are not the center of the Cosmos.

[Anaxagoras]

[Anaxagoras]

When I was younger, I felt like a man trapped in a woman's body ...

Spoiler:

Then I was born




(All "Your Mom" jokes taken as read.)

[Giz]

My friend tried to cheer me me up. he said “You could be in an underground hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

[Bruce]

My wife left me so I stole her wheelchair.




Guess who came crawling back.

[robinson]

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection.


Except Up.


He's never gonna give you Up.

[Bruce]

Great one from my daughter today.

Brucetta! I need affection!

You need a what?!

Affection!

A.....fection? Just one fection?

....Yes. Not two fections. Not three fections. Just one single, solitary fection.

Ok, daddy. I will bring you a fection.

(She throws a heavy blanket at me)

That was NOT a fection!! That was....

A salt.

[Abdul Alhazred]

A laugh a minute chez Bruce.

[Abdul Alhazred]