Dad jokes and humor

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Anaxagoras
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Anaxagoras »

"I have some good news and some bad news for you."

~Schrodinger's vet
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare
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robinson
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by robinson »

The vet came in holding my dog.

He said "I have to put him down"

"What?" I cried out. "Why"

































He's really heavy
still working on Sophrosyne, but I will no doubt end up with Hubris
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Giz
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Giz »

Ah, tommy Cooper!

For the benefit of non-brits a collection of his offerings (the finest “dad jokes”)!

http://www.mkccc.com/humour/t.htm
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Anaxagoras
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Anaxagoras »

Yeah, those are some corny jokes.

The meta-joke is that the jokes are so bad.
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare
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Doctor X
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Doctor X »

Image

Image

–J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

ImageWS CHAMPIONS X4!!!! ImageNBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup!Image SB CHAMPIONS X6!!!!!! Image
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Rob Lister
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Rob Lister »

The shortest distance between two jokes is a straight line.
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Anaxagoras
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Anaxagoras »

What do you get if you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?
Spoiler:
Pumpkin π
Lay that one on your kids when you carve the jack-o-lanterns. :P
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare
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ceptimus
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by ceptimus »

How do you get a bunch of Pikachu onto a bus?
Spoiler:
Pokémon
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Bruce
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Bruce »

He's too old to be called The Boy anymore. I shall call him Boy-Man. Someday, he will graduate to Man-Boy. Anyway, I blind-sided hin with a dad joke today. He has an essay due tomorrow on the fall of the Roman Empire.

Boyman! You have an essay due tomorrow!

I know.

Tell me what you know about the fall of the Roman Empire.

Oh.....uh.....it started with....uh....

WRONG! It was after the summer of the Roman Empire and before the Winter of the Roman Empire.



:twisted:
Such potential!
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Pyrrho
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Pyrrho »

Image
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.
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Anaxagoras
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Anaxagoras »

Why did Stalin only write in lower case letters?
Spoiler:
He was afraid of capitalism.

In America, people who laugh at their own jokes sometimes say "I kill myself."
In Soviet Russia, people who laugh at jokes about Comrade Stalin die laughing!
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare
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Doctor X
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Doctor X »

What a country!

– J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

ImageWS CHAMPIONS X4!!!! ImageNBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup!Image SB CHAMPIONS X6!!!!!! Image
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Bruce
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Bruce »

Have you ever found your own niche?

What's a niche?

It's.....like......a girl nephew.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Such potential!
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Bruce
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Bruce »

Is this your step ladder?

Yes..........I.......I never knew my real ladder.

:lol:
Such potential!
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Anaxagoras
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Anaxagoras »

Why did Chewbacca crash the Millennium Falcon the first time he flew it?
Spoiler:
It was a Wookiee mistake.
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare
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Rob Lister
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Rob Lister »

Anaxagoras wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 12:01 pm Why did Chewbacca crash the Millennium Falcon the first time he flew it?
Spoiler:
It was a Wookiee mistake.
I had to thumbs up you to thumbs down you. :lol:
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DJ
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by DJ »

Rob Lister wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 6:20 pm
Anaxagoras wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 12:01 pm Why did Chewbacca crash the Millennium Falcon the first time he flew it?
Spoiler:
It was a Wookiee mistake.
I had to thumbs up you to thumbs down you. :lol:
There’s no boo button, which would be useful, but it was, after all, a dad joke. :wink:
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Anaxagoras
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Anaxagoras »

Image
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare
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Anaxagoras
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Anaxagoras »

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare
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robinson
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by robinson »

Image
still working on Sophrosyne, but I will no doubt end up with Hubris
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Bruce
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Bruce »

Saw that one the other day. Perfect place to put it. :D
Such potential!
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Anaxagoras
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Re: Dad jokes and humor

Post by Anaxagoras »

Image
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare