I stink

[asthmatic camel]

I've tried everything, Witness, from deodorant to ultra-strong tooth wash, depilation etc. I've even tried giving up garlic so as not to reek like a French woman with hairy armpits.

I still stink.

[Abdul Alhazred]

Garlic?

Once you eat garlic, you will never smell like an Englishman again, Old Boy.

Never never never go native. Never.

[Rob Lister]

I've tried everything, Witness, from deodorant to ultra-strong tooth wash, depilation etc. I've even tried giving up garlic so as not to reek like a French woman with hairy armpits.

I still stink.

Water is not the solution.

[Anaxagoras]

Interesting.

You think of something expensive and labor intensive, instead of the obvious.

A bath.

Or is that against your personal principles?

Abdul, i'm probably the cleanest man in Britain. I suffer from a form of dermatitis, which itches like fuck especially at night, so I spend most nights in a hot bath, which gives some relief.

And I still stink.

I don't know what condition you have, but I would suspect that anything that makes your skin drier is counterproductive. (I have itchy skin too, particularly in the winter months.)

[Doctor X]

Dermatology 101: If it is wet, dry it. If it is dry, wet it. And prescribe steroids.

--J.D.

[asthmatic camel]

Have you tried the reverse: drinking water and bathing in old single malt?

Nice idea but a little too much for my limited budget.

And I'd stink even worse than I already do.

[asthmatic camel]

Dermatology 101: If it is wet, dry it. If it is dry, wet it. And prescribe steroids.

--J.D.

I have steroid creams but can't use them continuously.

Not if I wish to keep my skin on.

[asthmatic camel]

Dermatology 102: It's believed to be seborrheic dermatitis, a condition I developed along with diabetes. Apparently, bacteria love to feast on excess blood sugar. Although I manage to keep my blood sugars down to near normal levels, near normal is not sufficient.

[asthmatic camel]

I've thought about this and come to the conclusion that a diet of Vindaloo, Sea-Food Curry and Gorgonzola crackers might be the cause.

[Abdul Alhazred]

I've thought about this and come to the conclusion that a diet of Vindaloo, Sea-Food Curry and Gorgonzola crackers might be the cause.

If that's the case, it's worth it.

Ever had Mexican food?

[asthmatic camel]

Oh yeah! I make a mean vegetarian burrito.

I really stink after eating those.

[asthmatic camel]

No word of a lie, when I worked at a bank, we all used to buy each another anonymous Christmas presents, all of which were mean. One year, I got a bulb of garlic and a packet of Clorets, (breath fresheners) with a typed note saying "When you eat this, eat these."

I, of course, laughed.

My colleague, a rather sensitive and incompetent typist, did not when she received a dictionary. Tears aplenty: I didn't know the female body could hold so much water.

[Witness]

Happy birthday, AC.

He's nearly 300, now.

[sparks]

Have yourself a scotch AC and try not to think about how old you are!

[Doctor X]

Get rid of the dead parrot in your handbag.

--J.D.