Getting old is the mother of invention

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Rob Lister
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Title: Incipient toppler
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Getting old is the mother of invention

Post by Rob Lister » Mon Dec 17, 2018 4:59 pm

As some of you know, I retired very recently. Maybe retired is the wrong word. But there's no word for 'quit my fucking job and decided to dip into my retirement'. I'm actually still taking some work from my old job on a consultancy basis but only because I pretty much left them high/dry on my surprise departure. I charge them days for what takes me hours ... but in fairness, they'd pay others weeks, at least, and still have issues. That's not because I'm so smart and efficient; rather just wise and know the shortcuts.

So far, I much enjoy my vacation retirement. I think I shall continue to do so.

But there are issues. You'd think I'd get all fat and sloppy in my couch surfing but the opposite is true! I've lost about 10-15lbs (pre-postshit) and as such my waist has gone from a 36 to a 34.

It's been more than ten years since I wore a pair of jeans. I recently tried a pair of my old ones on and, while they fit rather nicely, they were nonetheless very uncomfortable. There's just not enough 'ball' room in bluejeans anymore.

I remember, a decade ago, mansplaining to my wife not to buy me any jeans because they were so uncomfortable.

I asked, "Can't you return these for a nice pair of slacks!?"

Once you say 'slacks', you're old. I accept that.

So now I've got all these 36 pants for my shiny new 34-inch physique. What to do?

I could buy all new pants but I am on a budget now.

A belt is out of the question. I hate them more than ball-pinching bluejeans. What if your shoestrings wrapped around your instep? Stupid, right!? So I bought a bunch of 8-inch velco cable ties. I affixed them between two belt loops and cinch them comfortably snug. If I get fat again, I can just adjust accordingly.

I should patent this or something.

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ed
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Re: Getting old is the mother of invention

Post by ed » Mon Dec 17, 2018 5:17 pm

velco cable ties


didnt know
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Witness
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Re: Getting old is the mother of invention

Post by Witness » Mon Dec 17, 2018 5:58 pm

Can confirm, early retirement was my best career move. :)

As for your pants problem: suspenders. There are very nice ones (I got some with edelweiss stitching as a present!), and you really get into the old fart vibe.

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Grammatron
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Re: Getting old is the mother of invention

Post by Grammatron » Mon Dec 17, 2018 6:26 pm

If they don't make old-man jeans with extra ball-room then why have you not cornered that fashion market yet?

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Rob Lister
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Title: Incipient toppler
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Re: Getting old is the mother of invention

Post by Rob Lister » Mon Dec 17, 2018 7:21 pm

Witness wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 5:58 pm
Can confirm, early retirement was my best career move. :)

As for your pants problem: suspenders. There are very nice ones (I got some with edelweiss stitching as a present!), and you really get into the old fart vibe.
I actually looked into the suspender market. Quite the selection, I'll agree. Some quite fashionable. But they're almost as much of a pain and burden as a belt. But cinch-ties can be set once and left on. Set and forget, no worry. They even work through the wash.
Grammatron wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 6:26 pm
If they don't make old-man jeans with extra ball-room then why have you not cornered that fashion market yet?
They haven't grown. Just changed position. Lower ball room is more accurate. It's a hard market to corner. Perhaps develop something like a watch pocket inside.

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robinson
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Re: Getting old is the mother of invention

Post by robinson » Thu Jan 03, 2019 5:41 pm

Rob Lister wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 7:21 pm
But cinch-ties can be set once and left on. Set and forget, no worry. They even work through the wash.
I used to wonder why pants didn't just come with an adjustable waist. Then I realized sweat pants do. So do baggies (board shorts) So unless I am working with the public (in which case it's jeans and belt, or suit and tie), I wear board shorts or sweat pants.

But I know exactly what you mean, and your solution is genius.
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