Wanna be a cop?

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Abdul Alhazred
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Wanna be a cop?

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Thu Jan 03, 2019 5:51 pm

Here's a book that coaches you on how to beat the psych test. Really. :lmao:

https://www.sgtgodoy.com/online-store/# ... y=18084148
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gnome
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by gnome » Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:33 pm

I don't know about the one for cops (and I can't look at the link right now), but when I heard insider advice on beating employer's psych screening, I was a bit startled--though in retrospect I sort of get it, in that they aren't in the nuance business.

They were not interested in people honestly admitting their weaknesses. Any answer other than the purest declaration of virtuous behavior, regardless of supposed circumstances, and you would lose points. I mean, to the point of declaring that if you found an unclaimed five dollar bill on the ground you'd turn it into the police. Anecdotally, a friend and a handful of applicants that were otherwise about to be hired for a convenience store were turned away because of one such test. Only one of their applicants passed--and he wound up stealing from the place.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
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Rob Lister
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by Rob Lister » Thu Jan 03, 2019 10:10 pm

gnome wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:33 pm
Any answer other than the purest declaration of virtuous behavior, regardless of supposed circumstances, and you would lose points.
After retiring from the navy (1998) one of my first job interviews was with Seagate (as in hard drives for you youngsters). They had a pretty rigorous interview process including a multiple choice psych test (which did not go well because I kept adding answers) and a personal interview to boot. During which:

"You see a work associate making a personal long distance call on a company phone. Do you report him?"

"Report him for what?

"For using the company system to make long distance calls.

"You guys don't have free long distance? I do. Seriously?"

"...Let's assume not. Do you report him?

"How do I know it is a personal call?"

"Assume you know. Do you report him?

"'No. But I'll note it in my wheel book so I can blackmail him later."

A long staring contest followed.

I didn't get the job.

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xouper
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by xouper » Thu Jan 03, 2019 10:26 pm

gnome wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:33 pm
. . . I mean, to the point of declaring that if you found an unclaimed five dollar bill on the ground you'd turn it into the police.
I've actually done that. Literally. Turned in a five dollar bill that I found.

Except I didn't find it on the ground, but rather the five dollar bill was in a book that was donated (anonymously) to the local library branch where I was working as a volunteer (Friends of the Library). No one saw me. I could have kept it. Instead, I showed it to a colleague who suggested I should just keep it. I said it doesn't belong to me, perhaps we should instead consider it a donation to the library. I turned it in to the branch manager and she rang it up on the cash register as a donation to the book sale.

That was more than ten years ago. I never thought I would tell that story to anyone until now.

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xouper
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by xouper » Thu Jan 03, 2019 10:34 pm

Rob Lister wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 10:10 pm
I didn't get the job.
Translation: They did you a favor. They identified themselves a place you probably don't want to work for anyway, by revealing what kind of people they are.

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Nyarlathotep
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by Nyarlathotep » Thu Jan 03, 2019 11:48 pm

Rob Lister wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 10:10 pm
gnome wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:33 pm
Any answer other than the purest declaration of virtuous behavior, regardless of supposed circumstances, and you would lose points.
After retiring from the navy (1998) one of my first job interviews was with Seagate (as in hard drives for you youngsters). They had a pretty rigorous interview process including a multiple choice psych test (which did not go well because I kept adding answers) and a personal interview to boot. During which:

"You see a work associate making a personal long distance call on a company phone. Do you report him?"

"Report him for what?

"For using the company system to make long distance calls.

"You guys don't have free long distance? I do. Seriously?"

"...Let's assume not. Do you report him?

"How do I know it is a personal call?"

"Assume you know. Do you report him?

"'No. But I'll note it in my wheel book so I can blackmail him later."

A long staring contest followed.

I didn't get the job.
I presume any answer that involved snitches, stitches and the former getting the latter would have been the wrong answer.
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Bruce
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by Bruce » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:05 pm

xouper wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 10:34 pm
Rob Lister wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 10:10 pm
I didn't get the job.
Translation: They did you a favor. They identified themselves a place you probably don't want to work for anyway, by revealing what kind of people they are.
This.

Every work environment is a micro community of perpetuated social norms that exist only within that community. They range from weird to terrifying.

I've been to a lot of interviews, and after having seen what goes on from both sides of the interview process, I have decided that I don't want to work at any company that has reduced it's interview process down to a series of pre-fabricated questions that have pre-fabricated "correct" answers, especially if the evaluators mindlessly execute the test and believe it in without question. It's a sure sign that the company has enslaved itself to its own policies, and policies are like religious edicts; once they are decided, they are extremely difficult to change.

I remember one specific interview that was for a research and development position with a company that made various automotive products. My would-be boss made me take a 100 question personality quiz. He said up front that this test was developed in the 50's, was flawless, and could not be "tricked", so I should just answer the questions honestly. It would "place" me into the appropriate job category. He even cited examples of people who thought they wanted to be researchers but the quiz placed them in marketing. They used this test as a literal Harry Potter style sorting hat. Naturally, I simply answered all the questions the way that a research and development scientist from the 1950s would do, and naturally, I scored 100% for R&D. I debated whether or not to walk out while taking the quiz, which really was from the 1950s (would you fire your secretary if you caught her chewing gum against corporate policy?), but I figured that they had already paid for my travel and meals, so I stuck around to see how deep the rabbit hole went. I'm glad I did. The rest of the interview revealed a nightmare of a working environment that only the most desperate candidates would tolerate.

This wasn't even the worst one. There are companies out their that put you in very dehumanizing conditions and encourage the very worst of human behavior among your co-workers "in the spirit of competition". Even more frightening is that none of them would ever behave this way outside of their workplace, but they must behave this way at work in order to keep their job. There is one company in particular that I won't mention by name, but it rhymes with wiser. I psychologically ruins their employees. Really. They hire psychopaths and train their employees to behave like psychopaths. One of my wife's former employers went so far as to tell HR that they would no longer accept any resumes from former employees of wiser.

Stop the madness. Nip it in the bud. Don't feed these beasts with your soul.
Such potential!

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Abdul Alhazred
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:39 pm

Pfizer? :)
Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
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Nyarlathotep
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by Nyarlathotep » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:45 pm

I get a kick out of when they want to pull out the Myers Briggs test. AFAIC, they would save us both a lot of time just asking my zodiac sign or killing a chicken and reading its entrails to see if I am going to pan out as an employee. It would be just as accurate and meaningful.
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Bruce
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by Bruce » Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:03 pm

Abdul Alhazred wrote:
Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:39 pm
Pfizer? :)
Are you trying to get us sued or killed? Now they can locate this page in a web search.

Yes, I said us. If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me. :HoppingMad: :HoppingMad2:
Such potential!

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Abdul Alhazred
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:14 pm

In fact I'd heard about them before.

They hire IT guys too, you know.
Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
Any man writes a mission statement spends a night in the box.
-- our mission statement plappendale

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gnome
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by gnome » Mon Jan 07, 2019 12:52 pm

Abdul Alhazred wrote:
Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:39 pm
Pfizer? :)
He ain't saying. It might be them, or it might be those other guys that rhyme with wiser.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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ed
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Re: Wanna be a cop?

Post by ed » Mon Jan 07, 2019 1:08 pm

Didn't I mention interviewing at a candy company (rhymes with M&M Mars) who had some sort of cockamamie open office space that looked like some sort of weird dytopian horror show. I asked them how do you make a confidential phone call. Evidentially there were a limited number of private spaces you could use.

My son just took a test for Dicks Sporting Goods. And it occurred to me that they really don't give a shit about your "score". I'd make a money bet that what they do is look at your answers in comparison to folks who are sucessful in various areas. That would make complete sense. Think about it ... a person who would swipe a fiver should probably not would in the Polonium storage facility but would probably be boffo in marketing.

Right?

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