Went to the theater

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ed
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Went to the theater

Post by ed » Thu Jan 31, 2019 12:33 pm

Disaster. But first some background.

Ages ago I went to a modern music concert. Featured a string quartet playing some experimental music. The program evidentially featured a German "avant guard" composer and that, friends, should have been a warning. "German", "Avant Guard", "Music" is like finding an orange sized lump under your arm... a warning. In Peekskill this was. Anyway, I got two tickets up front. Up front as in first row. Center of the stage. Now, that too ought to have provided a warning. How could I have gotten such seats?

Anyway, the disaster unfolded as follows. After a few inconsequential pieces the group, after a bow, seated themselves. This chick who played the cello or double bass or some horridly large and misshapen instrument seated herself and positioned the instrument twixt her nethers and raised her bow. As if on signal she assaulted (I say she ASSAULTED) the cello (I guess it was) and beat the shit out of it as her compatriots did the same (the intent look on her face comes back to me now).

There is a word ... le mot juste ...
ca·coph·o·nyDictionary result for cacophony
/kəˈkäfənē/Submit
noun
a harsh discordant mixture of sounds.
"a cacophony of deafening alarm bells"
synonyms: din, racket, noise, discord, dissonance, discordance, caterwauling, raucousness, screeching, jarring, stridency, grating, rasping
"despite the cacophony, Rita slept on"
I was stunned. Then the whole thing hit me ... the fiddle between the girls legs, the intent look before she struck the thing, the horrid, horrid noise.

I lost it. Have you ever been in a place where laughter was really really wrong? This was one. I started snortling, that made it worse. I couldn't look at my wife because there was nothing she could have done that would have made it better. If she were serious I would have lost it completely. If she was on the edge of hysteria (was was I) we both would have been literally rolling. I stared straight ahead. I covered my mouth and held my nose. I bit my tongue and cheeks. The chick with the thing for the cello was 6 feet away, she looked over at me occasionally. I avoided her eye. I could not get up in front of the entire house, I could not walk out supporting myself (my knees were weak), holding my face together whilst being assaulted by "German Experimental Music".

My eyes were copiously watering, mucus was running from my nose (into my hand, jesus it was disgusting). The "piece", mercifully, came to an end, or at least petered out to silence. I got up and made a beeline to the john. I think I finally lost it halfway up the aisle. I well and truly lost it in the lobby. I think of it I still laugh. This was back in 1978? 79? Like that.

That, obviously, spelled and end for my association with the cultured class in Peekskill New York. Perhaps that is when I became a deplorable.

Fast forward ... Westport (CT) Country Playhouse. The year ...1993 ... the play: Dances at Lufthansa ... in looking up the year I find that the actual name is Dancing at Lughnasa. Don't matter. It was horrid. A bunch of bog trotting Irishmen, dead children, starving, out of work, potatoes, somebody stole a bike I think.

I felt the old familiar demon rising in my gorge. Having learned my lesson we beat a hasty retreat at intermission.

Yesterday.

OMG.

Some fag wrote a sequel to "A Dolls House" by Ibsen, fag Scandinavian playwright. OMGOMGOMG.

The main chick stands up and delivers a screed about why marriage is stupid and unnecessary. 10 minutes.

My wife leaned over and whispered "and theres no intermission".

I hate "topical" plays, I hate political plays. They are stilted and just horrible. And I really hate being lectured to from the perspective of affluent elites who really don't know the lot of the rest of us.

I tried to sleep. An old bat next to my wife was snoring. Heads were on breasts. It was funereal.

Fortunately, my mom didn't feel great and needed to visit the necessary. I saw the purpose of prayer at that instant and said "I'll go with you". She said "you don't have to". I said "yes, I do".

Exeunt.

I am only going to musicals in the future, and not any scored by Germans.
Last edited by ed on Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Abdul Alhazred
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Re: Went to the theater

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Thu Jan 31, 2019 1:22 pm

Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
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ed
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Re: Went to the theater

Post by ed » Thu Jan 31, 2019 1:51 pm

Now thats a musical!!!

The fuhrer, boy he could dance.
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Abdul Alhazred
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Re: Went to the theater

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Thu Jan 31, 2019 2:04 pm

Zero Mostel was a better actor than the Max in the remake, but Mel Brooks sure punched up the production numbers. 8)
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ed
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Re: Went to the theater

Post by ed » Thu Jan 31, 2019 2:13 pm

Saw Evita last year and The Music Man a few weeks ago. Evita was really fab. Even my gay bud thought it was better than Patti Lupone's original and that means that it was better.



cuz gay guys know musicals
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ed
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Re: Went to the theater

Post by ed » Thu Jan 31, 2019 2:14 pm

Abdul Alhazred wrote:
Thu Jan 31, 2019 2:04 pm
Zero Mostel was a better actor than the Max in the remake, but Mel Brooks sure punched up the production numbers. 8)
I liked Zero. Commie but funny.
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Witness
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Re: Went to the theater

Post by Witness » Fri Feb 01, 2019 2:59 am

Great (O) post, ed! :figamagee:

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ed
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Re: Went to the theater

Post by ed » Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:43 pm

Witness wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 2:59 am
Great (O) post, ed! :figamagee:
I am glad my misery gives you pleasure. Like a Christian being torn asunder by a lion.

ETA: My description of the events is true. Really. The German thing? True. It went on for ... 20 minutes? I really thought, honest to god, that I was going to start hysterically laughing. I mean, to this day I wonder what, exactly, the musicians were looking at on their music stands. A score? Bullshit. It was the Siege of Leningrad set to music. Jesus, the horror.

What would have happened had I lost it? Sure, today we'd get a chuckle, but then? Everybody would have been embarrassed unto death. And suppose, just suppose, that my mirth was a common theme. Suppose that if I really lost it the entire theater started laughing? God, the poor musicians. It really doesn't bear thinking about.

OTOH, the musicians shoulda known. Whether the water is salt or fresh, shit floats (<--old Russian proverb). I mean, if they were called on it they only had themselves to blame, right? Still, 500-900 people laughing at you and your work? <shivver>
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Witness
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Re: Went to the theater

Post by Witness » Sat Feb 02, 2019 2:33 am

If you have lots of time & patience, an interesting but slow (and sometimes a bit rambling) conference:



Even a good laugh here or there. :wink:

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Re: Went to the theater

Post by Anaxagoras » Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:12 am

Someone (Abdul?) should take Ed to see The Cher Show:

A Straight Man at The Cher Show (NR) :)
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Abdul Alhazred
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Re: Went to the theater

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Thu Feb 07, 2019 1:28 pm

Anaxagoras wrote:
Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:12 am
Someone (Abdul?) should take Ed to see The Cher Show:

A Straight Man at The Cher Show (NR) :)
Wa-a-a-a-a-ay too la-di-dah.

True gayness is quiet elegance. :coolspecs:
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ed
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Re: Went to the theater

Post by ed » Thu Feb 07, 2019 2:10 pm

Anaxagoras wrote:
Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:12 am
Someone (Abdul?) should take Ed to see The Cher Show:

A Straight Man at The Cher Show (NR) :)
Here is my well thought out philosophy of theater
Let me entertain you
Let me make you smile
Let me do a few tricks
Some old and then some new tricks
I'm very versatile

And if you're real good
I'll make you feel good
I'd want your spirit to climb
So let me entertain you
We'll have a real good time
Yes sir
We'll have
A real good time
I don't want politics or messages. I don't want anything "experimental" or "cutting edge" or "edgy" or with a theme or "bold". Least of all do I want anything German. Or Belgian. And particularly not central European.

I saw Cher in Westbury Music Hall two prior lives ago. Talented chick with a shtick. Like Mel Gibson has an acting shtick, as does Anthony Hopkins.

I'll probably go to this
https://www.mccurdyscomedy.com/shows/show.cfm?shoID=135
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How the hell can you go wrong? Say what you will but Trannies are reliable, entertainment wise.

And, if you need reminding, refer to my sig :twisted:

eta. I would definitely go to the Cher show in the OP.

eta:

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