Brucetta has been demoted

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Bruce
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Brucetta has been demoted

Post by Bruce »

After repeated warnings to Mrs. Bruce and Brucino about eating food on the couch, it finally happened. Ants. Everywhere. Pulled the couch away from the wall. Yep. Potato chips, fruit snacks, pretzels, and countless crumbs. Vegas buffet for ants. They hit the jackpot. Did Mrs Bruce or Brucino lift a finger or do anything about it? Fuck no.

But as always, my darling daughter. My ever faithful first born. The light of my life. The only reason I still get out of bed in the morning. She was of course eager to help. Go get the ant spray, said I. And she dutifully headed down to the garage while I grabbed the broom and started sweeping living ants and rotten food into a pile. Hurry up with that ant spray! They're going to figure out what's happening and start scattering.

I can't find the bug spray!

What?? It's on the same shelf in the garage it always is.

Well it ain't there.

So I run down to the garage and go running around. No bug spray. I know it was there yesterday. Did Mrs Bruce or Brucino get off their asses to help look? Fuck no.

Well, maybe it fell behind the shelf?

Hrrm. Good idea, my smart, beautiful, and ever helpful companion who shares the very blood in my veins. I run back down to the garage, and indeed, there it is behind the shelf. I bend over and reach down to retrieve it.

Have you ever had a face full of spiderwebs with living spiders and spider eggs? Well I have, and believe me, it's not nearly as much fun as it sounds.

After much shrieking, flailing, cursing, and convulsing, I made it back to the panicking ants and probably killed most of them, and the survivors will surely attack me in my sleep.

After putting everything away and sitting back down on the couch, still twitching, still slapping at invisible ants on my ankles, still grabbing invisible webs from my hair and face.....my daughter says she has a confession......

Remember when I said the bug spray might have fallen behind the shelf? Uh....well.....it fell behind the shelf because I uh.....accidentally knocked it over......

Wait.....what? WHAT?? Why didn't you pick it up?

Cause I didn't want to get spiders in my face.

...............processing........no.....does not compute......not possible.............

So it was exactly where I said it was?

Yep.

And you not only lied about not finding it, but you let me run around looking for it?

Yep. But I gave you a clue where to find it.

Oh, a clue. A CLUE!!! A CLUE THAT LED ME STRAIGHT INTO A FACE FULL OF SPIDERS!?!?

:HoppingMad: :HoppingMad2: :HoppingMad: :HoppingMad2: :HoppingMad: :HoppingMad: :HoppingMad: :HoppingMad: :HoppingMad2:

The outrage! The betrayal! The incomprehensible treachery!!! The insidious deliberate cowardice! My angle hath fallen!!

Brucino! Congratulations. You are now my new favorite.

Cool, he says, as he sits down on the couch, munching a bowl full of potato chips.
Such potential!
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Bruce
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by Bruce »

Don't worry about Brucetta. She was very recently promoted to mom's favorite. :|
Such potential!
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Rob Lister
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by Rob Lister »

But sadly, these are the moments you will someday cherish.
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sparks
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by sparks »

Bruce wrote: ↑Thu Aug 20, 2020 3:06 am Don't worry about Brucetta. She was very recently promoted to mom's favorite. :|
Bruce, your 'family time' stories are just the fucking best. :) Thank you!
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.
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Pyrrho
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by Pyrrho »

Meanwhile enjoy those potato chips with that light coating of bug spray, which all of you have already inhaled...
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.
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Bruce
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by Bruce »

Pyrrho wrote: ↑Sat Aug 22, 2020 12:12 pm Meanwhile enjoy those potato chips with that light coating of bug spray, which all of you have already inhaled...
A few puffs of Raid never hurt anybody. I grew up with the stuff and I turned out fine (twitch).

Image

I do remember there being more bugs around when I was a kid. I used to have to scrub them off my windshield every few days. It been years since I've seen a bug hit my windshield. Just another sign of the world ending, I guess.
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robinson
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by robinson »

Well, it’s ending for a lot of bugs for sure
still working on Sophrosyne, but I will no doubt end up with Hubris
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robinson
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by robinson »

But screw that


More amusing stories about your life


At least we can laugh as the ship goes down
still working on Sophrosyne, but I will no doubt end up with Hubris
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gnome
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by gnome »

These could be compiled into a pretty good book. Just sayin'.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2
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sparks
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by sparks »

I believe we've been encouraging exactly that for years now. :) Now, the excellent stuff he writes here is too involved for funny pages form, but it might be animated to great effect. Somebody should hook him up with MacFarlane.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.
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Bruce
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by Bruce »

We have been cat owners for about 8 months, and Mrs. Bruce has definitely reached this level of cat lady.....

https://ispot.tv/a/ZpfQ

Ironically, she feeds the cats this brand of cat food.
Every time she fawns over and baby-talks the cats, I just say, "Mom! I'm bleeding!".

She is but one empty nest and one spousal throwdown away from:
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Such potential!
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asthmatic camel
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by asthmatic camel »

My lady neighbours are shit-scared of ants and even more terrified of rats.

Being the kind of guy I am and doing what I do, I've explained to them how to minimise exposure to these kinds of vermin and sealed up every possible hidey-hole with sand and cement.

But, where there's people, there's rats. Always. Most people don't notice them but I'm a night-owl type and see them everywhere. They breed like fuck and are impossible to eliminate.
The brown rat can breed throughout the year if conditions are suitable, with a female producing up to five litters a year. The gestation period is only 21 days, and litters can number up to 14, although seven is common. They reach sexual maturity in about five weeks. Under ideal conditions (for the rat), this means that the population of females could increase by a factor of three and a half (half a litter of 7) in 8 weeks (5 weeks for sexual maturity and 3 weeks of gestation), corresponding to a population growing by a factor of 10 in just 15 weeks. As a result, the population can grow from 2 to 15,000 in a year.[33] The maximum life span is three years, although most barely manage one. A yearly mortality rate of 95% is estimated, with predators and interspecies conflict as major causes.
I think they're quite cute little creatures and enjoy watching them doing their thing at the nature reserve where I work. They're part of the food chain, too: foxes, badgers and birds of prey love to snack on rats.:)

But, if a dead one is found on our street, it's like Covid-19 hysteria x 10.
Shit happens. The older you get, the more often shit happens. So you have to try not to give a shit even when you do. Because, if you give too many shits, you've created your own shit creek and there's no way out other than swimming through the shit. Oh, and fuck.
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robinson
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by robinson »

Image
still working on Sophrosyne, but I will no doubt end up with Hubris
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robinson
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by robinson »

We all have a back story
still working on Sophrosyne, but I will no doubt end up with Hubris
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Bruce
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by Bruce »

The scariest part of learning a crazy person's back story is how normal it seems. Looks familiar. Could have been me. Seems like it is me. Am I on my way to being a crazy person. Maybe I already am crazy and haven't noticed. Crazy people don't seem to notice that they're crazy. Might explain a few things. Trump is president, right? Or is that just one of my delusions.
Such potential!
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sparks
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by sparks »

No Bruce. Not delusion or crazy.

This world of our making is fucked.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.
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sparks
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by sparks »

Think so do ya?
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.
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robinson
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Re: Brucetta has been demoted

Post by robinson »

You knew he couldn’t leave


It’s like the Hotel California
still working on Sophrosyne, but I will no doubt end up with Hubris
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