The movie trailer thread

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Evolver
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Evolver » Mon Apr 09, 2012 12:59 am

SANDLER!

FERRELL!

MARX & ENGELS!

Marx and Engels Go To WhiteCastle - July 4

----------------------------------------------

Next:
ET vs. Predator


(Adam Sandler as Fredrick Engels): “An ounce of action is worth a ton of sliders.”

(Will Ferrell as Karl Marx): "I'll never get this grease out of my beard."
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En folkefiende
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by En folkefiende » Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:34 am

Nyarlathotep wrote:C'mon people. No takers for "Marx and Engels Go To WhiteCastle?" I came up with that one and three others on the plane home yesterday, I gotta use them now.
Marx and Engels go to White Castle, a movie about protalatariat-burgers, amd show how the square edges show the margins of capitalist socity, and how the juice all goes to the center while the edges are dry and tasteless. The movie shows how real burghers are part of the problems, and how only a round burger, with no holes in the safety net, can ensure a fair society.

Next:

The Life of the Audiophilic Ooneophile!
Formerly jj, the enemy of the people, aka the bullies who rant and lie here.

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gnome
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:41 am

Too much for a trailer really, but enough for this game :)

darkness...
a forest...

lights descend from the sky...

two figures run through the woods, approaching the lights.

The light shines on their faces... it is Elliot and Gertie, played by grown Henry Thomas and Drew Barrymore.

Elliot holds up a contraption, that obviously has been picking up some sort of signal. "It's right here! It has to be him!"

Gertie: "Are you sure? It looks different."

Elliot: "Come on!!!"

They hunch down at the edge of a clearing, waiting. A ramp descends. A door slides open.

Shot of Elliot and Gertie. Elliot tries to make out the figure in silhouette. It's too tall, and it has odd lights on it. "Wait!" he cries out.

Gertie rushes forward. A hissing, clicking sound. The screen goes black.

A familiar view of an infrared imaging scan, watching a human female rush straight towards him. "You're back!" the voice calls. Another hiss from the visitor.

Now revealed as a PREDATOR, it removes a small device from its belt, that looks like a walkie talkie. Gertie stops, suddenly realizing that everything is wrong.

He points it at her. As Elliot watches, an energy blast erupts from the "walkie-talkie" and burns her to a crisp.

Elliot screams in fear and horror, but starts to run forward to her... more blasts from the small "radio" drive him off. His point of view. Lights behind him, the hiss of the predator. Trees rush past him. Suddenly he sees a glow, a small figure ahead. He follows the glow, instinctively. Another blast takes him off his feet, hurling him past the small alien. E.T.'s glowing finger is held up and creating some kind of field.

"B. Quiet" croaks E.T.

Back to the infrared scan image... it tracks back and forth... only trees, and cold and darkness. The Predator continues past the two.

Voice over: "This Christmas... the hunt begins again..."

(Overhead view, Predators spreading out to search)

(Front-angle view, G-Men and Marines with flashlights and RIFLES enter the forest, led by an aging Arnold Schwarzenegger)

(Elliot and E.T., alone, looking around)

Fade to dark.

"E.T. vs. Predator".

Produced by Robert Rodriguez
Directed by Stephen Spielberg

----------

Note that the movie poster will prominently feature Drew Barrymore, though she dies at the beginning of the film.

Next movie... I defer to jj's suggestion.
Last edited by gnome on Mon Apr 09, 2012 3:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:58 am

BTW... two thumbs up for "Palindromic" and both versions of White Castle gave me a good chuckle.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by En folkefiende » Mon Apr 09, 2012 3:21 am

gnome wrote:BTW... two thumbs up for "Palindromic" and both versions of White Castle gave me a good chuckle.
"Palindromic" rocked.
Formerly jj, the enemy of the people, aka the bullies who rant and lie here.

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Nyarlathotep
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Mon Apr 09, 2012 7:54 pm

(Upbeat rock soundtrack starts playing)
Voiceover: John Jefferson was a con man

(Kevin James is showing cables to a man who is nodding sagely)

James: Yeah, these cables will quantumize the harmonics in the mid-range causing a smoother ear experience. Only $2845 a set, You'll be glad you spent the money.

(Scene switches to Kevin James holding a bottle of wine in front of Zooey Deschannel)


James: And to make the music even better, you might wnat some wine. I have a wonderful beaujelais here, it has piney undertones and traces of current. I've hered it describes as "pert but not obsequious"

(Scene switches to Kevin hames being forced to sit down by two large men in ill fitting suits, camera cuts to Robert DeNero)

Voiceover: But when he sells his goods to the wrong person

DeNero: You sold garbage cables and cheap wine to my little girl for thousands of dollars. Ordinarily I'd make you eat the cables and the wine bottle, but I'm feeling generous...

Voiceover: Now he's got thirty days to learn to truly appreciate music and wine without the bullshit
(Scene cuts to Kevin James exiting a room and being met by DeNero)

James: They're making me listen to Phil Collins in there, and the wine tastes like water from the Hudson.

DeNero: Funny you should mention the taste of water from the Hudson, I've got a feeling your going to taste that a lot pretty soon.

Voiceover:Or he's going to be swimming with the fishes. Confessions of an Audiophilic Oenophile. Coming soon to a cinema near you


Next Movie: Back to the Future 4: Doc Brown meets the Daleks.
The Luggage said nothing, but louder this time.

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Evolver
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Evolver » Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:34 pm

(Doc Brown in a warehouse, making a deal for nuclear material for his reconditioned time traveling Delorean. The terroists show him the container, he hands over a suitcase. He grabs the container, and runs. One terrorist opens the case and immediately looks angry.)

Terrorist: Felafel!

Doc (while running): I would too if I ate that!

(Doc jumps into the Delorean, and inserts the container, which just happens to fit perfectly. He floors it, and gets up to 88 miles an hour. Just as he's starting the flux capacitor, an old phone booth appears in the road. He smashes into it, the car goes out of control and disappears.
Cut to the future. The Delorean is all banged up, the phone booth is in shreds, and there is a mess of gore on the windshiels - the producers couldn't afford any of the actors who played Dr. Who
Doc Brown gets out of the car, and sees a salt-shaker-shaped robot with a wobbly arm.)

Michael J. Fox robot voice: Exterminate! Exterminate!

Close up of Doc Brown's face.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Next: Tyler Perry's Schindler's List 2
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"Rational arguments don't usually work on religious people. Otherwise, there would be no religious people." - Dr. Gregory House

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Nyarlathotep
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Sun Apr 22, 2012 4:53 pm

Evolver wrote:(Doc Brown in a warehouse, making a deal for nuclear material for his reconditioned time traveling Delorean. The terroists show him the container, he hands over a suitcase. He grabs the container, and runs. One terrorist opens the case and immediately looks angry.)

Terrorist: Felafel!

Doc (while running): I would too if I ate that!

(Doc jumps into the Delorean, and inserts the container, which just happens to fit perfectly. He floors it, and gets up to 88 miles an hour. Just as he's starting the flux capacitor, an old phone booth appears in the road. He smashes into it, the car goes out of control and disappears.
Cut to the future. The Delorean is all banged up, the phone booth is in shreds, and there is a mess of gore on the windshiels - the producers couldn't afford any of the actors who played Dr. Who
Doc Brown gets out of the car, and sees a salt-shaker-shaped robot with a wobbly arm.)

Michael J. Fox robot voice: Exterminate! Exterminate!

Close up of Doc Brown's face.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Next: Tyler Perry's Schindler's List 2


(Voiceover, as a Deloriean comes to a stop, black lady/man gets out is if oushed, then roars off, pursued by Daleks)
When a Crazy Time Travel Accident strands Madea in Germany in 1938. She figures she was put there to make a difference.

(Black Lady/man walks through a door)

WHERE ALL MY JEWS AT?

(Nazi officer walks up to black lady/man)
Vhy do you need so many Jews vorking at your hair salon? And come to think of it, vhy aren't you in ze camp too? Hmmmm?

(Black lady/man gets up in face of Nazi. Does the neck shake thing)
Don't you even go there! You know what happened to the last guy tried to put me on one of them trains.

(Voiceover as black lady/man leads a whole bunch of jews singing "Stop in the Name of Love" while doing hair)

This Summer, the feel good movie of the year come to theaters. Tyler Perry's Schindler's List 2.

Next movie: I Have No Ass, Yet I Must Fart
The Luggage said nothing, but louder this time.

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Nyarlathotep
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:20 pm

bump
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gnome
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Fri Apr 27, 2012 4:30 pm

Still monitoring... waiting for inspiration or for someone to beat me to it.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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Evolver
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Evolver » Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:53 pm

(Crowds of obese people - is that Ed and Abdul?)
"Some have plenty to spare. And some..."
(Christian Bale contorting his face. Stomach noises can be heard)
"Day 57"
(Christian Bale looking extremely pained. A loud chorus of stomach noises can now be heard)
"Day 124"
(Bale is moaning in the corner. Alien stomach noises abound. Sandra Bullock approaches.)
Bullock: "I love you, Steve, but..."
Bale: "Why did you have to say 'butt'? *sob*"

"From the acclaimed science fiction author Harlan Ellison."
(Shot of Ellison storming out)
"I mean, from the acclaimed author Alan Smithee - I HAVE NO ASS BUT I MUST FART"
"In Odorama"

Next: "Podex Cavum"
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"Rational arguments don't usually work on religious people. Otherwise, there would be no religious people." - Dr. Gregory House

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gnome
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Sat May 19, 2012 4:36 pm

Coming next week (straight to video)

Large Roman type carved in marble: "PODEX CAVUM"

Starring David Spade

(shots of David Spade in Roman robes being a dick to people)

Voiceover: Nobody liked Gnaeus....

(they shout random Latin at him, various epithets... he ignores them)

Voiceover: He didn't care.

(a voice shouts "PODEX CAVUM!!!")

Music stops. Spade turns, "Quid tu me?"

Patton Oswalt is shown, trying to look innocent. "Non me!"

Voiceover: Unless they said that...

Spade: "Loqui falsum quae! Nemo..." he starts stepping forwards "vocat me..." gets in his face "PODEX CAVUM!!!!"

Patton (recovering some courage): "Quid facere?"

*screen goes black*

A voice: "Per cubito Iuppiter!!!" (sounds of disgust, a few screams)

Voice over: "See the movie to find out just what he'll do!"

(pause)

Voice over: "Please?"


Different voice over, rapid disclaimer talk: "Latin translations provided by google."

*John Cleese, dressed as a roman guard, cuts off gnome's head*

He turns to the camera. "And now for something completely different. 'Residential Evil'..."
Last edited by gnome on Sat May 19, 2012 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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Nyarlathotep
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Tue May 22, 2012 12:31 am

(Shot of Kelsey Grammer in a devil costume, getting a human to sign a contract, then laughing evilly)

Voiceover: Mephistopheles was an old-fashioned devil who liked to do things by the book

(Shot of Larry the Cable Guy in a devil costume, cutting someone off in traffic, belching, throwing a beer can out the window, and flipping the car off behind him)

Voiceover: Beelzebubba did things his own way.

(Exterior shot of a mansion sitting next to a lake of fire, full of damned souls)

Voiceover: When Satan himself forces them to share the same infernal palace on the shores of the lake of fire...

(Shot of Ron Perlman as Satan talking to both of them)

Satan: Until we finish constructing that new circle of hell for media whores, I only have this last palacce left. The two of you will have to share for while. I command it, bwahahahahaha!

VOiceover:...there's going to be Hell to pay.

(Shot changes to Mephistopheles and Beelzebubba looking over a vintage car, in hell)

Mephistopholes: So what do you call this again?

Beelzebubba: It's a 73 mustang. Best car the mortals ever invented.

Mephistopholes: I see. And what is wrong with the Chariot of Pain?

Beelzebubba: No style buddy. You want to impress the succubi, you've got to be hell on wheels.

(Scene changes to an interior shot, One half of the room looks like a stereotypical devlish palace, the other looks like the interior of a trailer, only everything is made of skulls)

Voiceover: Can two immortal demons share the same palace without driving each other crazy? Find out in Residential Evil. In Hell-o-vision!


Next movie: Quentin Tarentino's Dora the Explorer.
The Luggage said nothing, but louder this time.

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Nyarlathotep
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Wed May 30, 2012 12:22 am

Ahem
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gnome
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Wed May 30, 2012 3:31 am

I'll work on it.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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pillory
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by pillory » Thu May 31, 2012 1:47 am

grazy drinker's diary juoppohullun päiväkirja
http://fi.filmtrailer.com/cinema/10269/ ... lerit.html

fuck ...I quiy drinking beer,wine and ciders......now i drindg poor booze

fuck this is ...how to say it....
Pillory-deletable stuff since Sat Jun 05, 2004 6:15 pm

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gnome
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Fri Jun 01, 2012 3:04 am

Nyarlathotep wrote:Next movie: Quentin Tarentino's Dora the Explorer.
Theme music:


Dora:
Angela Jones

Image

The backpack (shown spinning in wireframe, then colored):
Image

The map:
appears to be a clear rectangle of plastic about the size of a clipboard--projects holographic diagrams and maps (and is a tablet PC).

Swiper the fox:
Image

Dora sneaks up on some thug and roughly spins him around
Dora: "Where are we going?"

another cut... to Dora frantically searching a ransacked apartment
Dora (muttering to herself): "Backpack, backpack..." head whips back and forth, looking, "backpack..." her hand falls upon it under an overturned desk, cut to her face in a smile. "Delicioso" she whispers.

Last scene of trailer: Dora confronting Swiper... her finger wags back and forth.

Black--music stops... DORA in gold letters slides onto the screen. A mexican hat falls onto the letter D, then a gunshot as a bullet hole appears in the hat. Final guitar flourish.

Next movie: "Ushers"
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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Nyarlathotep
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Wed Jun 06, 2012 6:05 am

Did I ever mention that Fall of the House of Usher is my favorite Roger Corman movie?

(Scene opens on a dilapidated mansion)

Voiceover: You Thought you knew what happened when the house of Usher Fell. Think Again!

Madeline!

(A woman with wild hair and wearing grave clothes from the 19th century steps forward, she is carrying a mini-gun and several rounds of ammo)

Roderick!

(An older man looking very much like Vincent Price and wearing the clothes of a 19th century gentleman, with a sub machine gun in each hand and a crazed look in his eyes steps forward)

This time, it's personal!

(Scene changes to Madeline and Roderic fighting off a horde of ninja's, pirates and zombies)

Roderic: TOO LOUD! TOO LOUD! THE VERY WALLS ARE BREATHING! I CAN HEAR THEM!

Samuel L Bronkewicz presents: Ushers!

(Chuck Norris steps forward)

Chuck: Youd didn't think it was going to be that...

(Madeline jumps out of nowhere and knocks him out of frame, screaming Can be heard)

Coming this summer to a theater near you. SOundtrack by Usher. Theater attendants and Groomsmen in wedding parties get in free.

Next Movie: "Bring me the Head of Justin Bieber"
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Sat Aug 11, 2012 4:41 pm

...deactivating lazy mode... 67% complete.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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Abdul Alhazred
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Sun Aug 12, 2012 10:49 pm

:)

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"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
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