## Correspondence.

How not to buy a brick in a box off the back of a truck.
CHARLEY_BIGTIME

### Correspondence.

=============

email received wrote:Hey there..iam Mandy 25/USA..wanna chat ? email me ill send you my pics

Love Mandy xoxoxox

CHARLEY_BIGTIME
Email returned.

==========
CHARLEY (atfer getting mildly pissed off with this type of email) wrote:
Who the fug are you?

And sort your fuggin apostrophes out.

Cloverlief
Posts: 5025
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 10:59 pm
Location: Here, there or somewhere
Oh c'mon, Charley, she wants you! Why look a gift horse in the mouth.
Chani

CHARLEY_BIGTIME
Next:

========
Mandy wrote:
Hello stranger
I am so happy to see that you have decided to reply,I see it is very short
letter.
It is all right because you are astonished to get my letter.
I want you to know that I have only good intentions and I have not any secrets.
The thing is that I will work in your country for three months or so and I would
like to meet a nice man to fall in love or just be closest friends.
I don't want to live in Russia because I have not any chances here,it is hardly
possible to explain from first time but
I want you to know my plans.I will work in any shop, bar or restaurant the
agency that i am going through will suggest
me some locations. It will be my choice in the end as to what option to go for.
So I will have a simple work till I improve my English. And I can choose any
town of your area,agency will only help me
to get a visa and all travel documents + some suggested placed to work in. My
best friend last year met the man from
the USA when she worked there for 12 months, too.
She had two jobs. From morning till 4 pm she worked in amusement park and after
it she worked as a waitress in some bar till midnight.
She was very tired of course but made very good money there.
It is special programm for young people who wants to work abroad and I think it
is the right way for me ,I am lost here,and I think that I
look pretty enough to find a better place .I want to repeat the same way,it is
only my chance to meet a nice man.I want to work in USA or in Europe or any
nice country. I am full of plans and different dreams and I want to share my
life with good man because I'm also full of love
and tenderness,I know that I am not so beautiful like Hollywood Princess but I
do hope to meet my Prince and
I am sure he will be not be disappoined to meet me in the real life! This is why
I am going to go through the same way.
Well,I will close this letter and I do hope to get your reply.
I will leave russia in two weeks or so (I can't tell you everything exactly
right now) and I would like to be sure that I
have the man who waits for me there. I will work all day and I want to find a
man to spend all free time together to get
to know each other better.if you have any interest to meet me I will be more
than happy to meet you too.
I will tell you all details about me and my life if you like my pictures and
want to meet me! please send picture of you too!!!
I wrote to you with xxxxxxxxxxxxx@dnstan.info
Now I write you from my personal mailbox xxxxxxxxx@outmaildirect.com, please write
me back here and here only. I will be checking it often.
Kiss you , Natalya (this is my real name)!

CHARLEY_BIGTIME
And so on...

=========
CHARLEY wrote:
Dearest Mandy Natalya (if either of those are your real name)

Yes I was astonished to get you email - seeing as I have no idea who you are and it is extremely unlikely that some bird would contact me out of the blue for no reason.

What the fug do you want?

CHARLEY_BIGTIME
etc.

=========
At first I think I have to say that I am new in internet and I have only good
intentions.
you should know that I am not very good writer in english, please be patient to
messages and see many mistakes. to be fair I don't know what you want to know
I am usual girl.I think I should tell you about me, my interests,tastes and
hobbies.I think I will tell you
about things I want to know about you and you will know my future questions.
I am 25 years old,my birthday is 21 april 1981. I so much don't want to get
older ,when I can see old women I am
getting crazy to think that it is my future .I do all the best to keep my youth
and I keep my body well.In spite of all
difficultes here I am trying to be in good condition and I do a lot of exercises
to be in good shape!
I am about 172 cm tall (5.6) and my weight is about 56 kg. I've been told I look
well enough ,
and I think that all women have own beaty. I have never been married and I don`t
have children.
I have one youngest sisters and it is great problem for us because we have only
two rooms flat.you can't imagine what does it mean to be born
in small town in Russia,there are not any chances to live well,to get a good
job.All young people leave towns to search
great luck in big cities but nobody waits for them there. I want to leave
Russia,I know it sounds ugly but I know that I
will be lost here like many young girls before me. It is not place to grow
children and have stable future.I want to meet my right man .
I think in future I can work as fitness trainer I have a certificate. My mother
is my great problem too,she has a great dream to see me
married and she wants to make me happy but I think it is only my business I am
not a little child. She tells me every day
that I should get married very soon... To be fair I am not sure I am able to
explain all in first message I
want to say so much! I just want you to know that I am not afraid to work,I am
fairly goal
oriented and I am sure you will be not disappoined to meet me in real life.I am
going to spend three months
abroad to work in any good place,agency promises to help me because it is only
the way I can leave Russia.I will have all documents
to travel in a few days and i will travel to moscow then,from moscow I will
travel to you and they ask me about name of the city i am going to work,
if you don't mind to meet me please tell me the name of your city and nearest
international airport! I will book my flight from moscow!
I think it would be so great to meet my love and stay there forever.I know that
it is not so easy like I think but I think it is possible that I meat my real
love.
I want to love and to be loved I want to build our own happiness,only me and my
man there. I don't smoke,I tried to smoke when I was younger.
I may have a glass of red dry vine,sometimes it helps to relax. I try to take
care of my body and face. I know it is all I have.
My soul may have any itnterst for you later, I thinkso.I am not a little girl
and I know that at first almost all men look
at body ,legs and face.God created males such persons. Well,I think I am lost in
my letter,I am not sure you
I live in Russia,town Berdsk, Mira street 7-19,it is near big city Novosibirsk.
My town is rather far from Moscow. Moscow is a capital of my country. I want you
to reply if you understand my mind,my intentions,my soul,if
not please reply too, I will continue my searching. Well, I will close this
letter,I think you are tired to read
it.and If you think that I should write shorter letters please tell me. I write
from internet cafe in
Novosibirsk because there are not cafes and possibility to use internet in my
small town,we have 4 digital phone number and we
can't call abroad.Even to call in any big town here in Russia I have to order
the call in advance.and I would like to say
please don't worry if I keep silence sometimes I have no time to
travel ,it is about 1 hour 25 minutes by bus from my town till Novosibirsk
impotant questions do you
like strong drinks too much?can you be very drunk?very ofthen?can you be rude
with women?
Well,I have to stop or I will write without ending.Kiss you !see you later. In
my next e-mail I will write you more things about myself and
more details about my trip and work. I will miss you, your Natalya.

(I enclose picture for you)

CHARLEY_BIGTIME
CHARLEY wrote:

CHARLEY_BIGTIME
Mandy/Natalya wrote:
Hello my dear Charley!!
I am so glad to see your letter again,I think I am a lucky girl to meet such
man and I will do my best to meet you in real life!
you know I can work in any city of your area because it is free choice and
agency only helps me to get
only travel documents (work visa)and ticket, and I do hope that we will like
each other and now I have the destination.
The agency will also suggest some places to work in. I do hope I have met my
right man!you know I have told you before one
of my friend worked abroad last year and have met right man,now they live there
and they are going to
marry. by the way now they are arranging the trip to Russia,(he wants to meet
her parents and friends)
I think if I feel that you are my dream and you have the same feelings we could
if not I will just work and return back when the time to travel back. you know I
am new here and I am afraid to make any mistake.
I have one great lack,I am very impatient sometimes I can act without
thinking.
Sometimes I think that my dream is getting for real and it is so bad to be
disappointed later.
I want you to know all small things about me because it shouldn't be any
misunderstandings between us.
I want you to know that I am not angel and sometimes I can show my
character.And I don't wait that you to be angel too, I just want to meet a kind
man .
I am very kind and I can forgive almost all I can't forgive if my man sleep
with different woman, I don't know many nessesary words in english.
I hope you can read between lines. A little more about myself!
my favorite activity is fitness. I wanted to be as fitness trainer but
I finished The Novosibirsk State Univercity, trainers faculty as fitness
trainer but I don't work on my profession because there are no good fintess
clubs in my city,
I used to sit at home and to do all housework,helping my mom. I would like to
have good job,
I may work dancing teacher, or trainer of fitness,you know I have a certificate.
I worked as a trainer a year ago .
and I would like to do it again .you know how many more younger girls want to
get this job too!Alot of competition here. I want to tell you about things I
like:
I like to make barbecue and I so much want to have my own home with fireplace.
usually I make very tasty ones and in principle I like to cook and it is not
problem for me to cook something tasty and I don't like to visit cafes and
restaurants,
at first usually they can't cook weel(maybe only here) and second too high
price.
I like warm weather. and my great dream is to live somewhere on tropical island.
Also I want to tell you about my dislikes:
I hate our long winters it seems to me they will never end. I hate lies and
unfaithfulness.
I hate evil people and politicans I think they like to play wars, I hate any
ars.
What I like in a man: faithfulness, honesty. He has to be open- minded and
open-hearted, also easy-going. and much more important he is kind,kindness makes
our world!
Are you kind and gentle man ?????
I think my man should be kind ,it is great feeling after love,only kind person
may be happy, all rude people are unhappy.
or must be. A few questions yet, agency tells that I will have a room in
nearest hotel near my future
work but if we like each other may be is it possible to live together?I think we
will enjoy life together. do you have your car?animals? I
can't drive and I do hope you give me a few lessons, to be fair I have so many
plans .I will find out all travel details
about my flight this week. I will leave my town today in a two hours and i think
I will be not able to write to you today or so.
When I am in Moscow I will send you short letter to let you know that I am all
right and they tell that it takes about two days to
airport, I want to be sure I have all your details and
Please don't look at different girls. I am the best(joke). Well, I will close
this letter I think I am bore today,and please feel
free to ask. See you soon!I can't believe everything is for real. to be fair I
am lost and my head is like any big station with a lot of voice!
KISS and LOVE Natalya!

CHARLEY_BIGTIME
CHARLEY (seeing possible piss take) wrote:
Yes. I love you.

NightG1
Posts: 5208
Joined: Sun Jun 13, 2004 8:12 pm
Here's a wild guess....I'll bet there's more where those came from on teh USENET.

CHARLEY_BIGTIME
Nandy/Matalya wrote:
Hello my dear Charley!
it is me again and I want you to know that you can't imagine how happy I am.
I have a schedule of my flight.you can't imagine how much crazy Moscow is. It is
great fear to live here I think so!Our small town is
more friendly . well,about our business, I tasted my blood,such rule for foreign
visitors wanting to visit your
country! Thanks God, I am in good health, all of my tests are all right,I only
need some vitamins I think it
is the bad foods and long winters problem.I have to eat much more fruits and
vegetables.The doctor said!
well,here is all info ,I do hope we will together in a few days! Info from
agency!

INFORMATION MY FLIGHT FOR YOU !

Aeroflot
SU 243 Sheremetyevo (SVO), Moscow, Russian Federation
Terminal 2 08:45
Heathrow (LHR), London, United Kingdom
Terminal 2 09:45

Price: USD 940.00+

Honey, I am so glad to see that I am almost near my goal,and our meeting wait
for us.
I think I will call you from airport and I will wait for you there so long as
you need,I mean if you need any time to arrive in airport.
it is not problem to wait there because I know that it is the end of my trip and
I have time to improve my condition(some parfume)after
long jorney.I want you to see me in good shape! I think everything will be all
right.Rather I am sure everything will be all right!.
My Dear, they have told in travel office that I have to show tickets when I
will visit embassy after tomorrow before my flight.
People from embassy must be sure that I am not going to stay illegally in your
country and I have tickets with returning data.it is
very strong rule. I have some money but my flight from Novosibirsk to Moscow
costed so much(about 500$) because so many kilometrs from there to Moscow. I didn't guess that tickets costs so much. and I have to book tickets till in less than 2 days , because of my interview. I have not written date of flight because I do not have all money to the ticket. as soon as I will have all money and I will buy the ticket I shall write to you date of flight. I will buy the ticket on this flight. May be you could borrow some money? I am sure I will be able to return it back in a few weeks after my arriving I will earn some money and at first to return all money to you. I also have not written this date of the flight because I yet have not bought the ticket, but if you will borrow to me money I will fly on this flight, in most nearest day, this flight flies almost each day. in Agency they have told me that you may send it by Western Union. It is pretty easy to use. The guy from the agency explained to me how their system works. It is instant worldwide money transfer system. All you need is my name and my surname to send me the money. Once you do this , I'll be able to pickup the money in any local Western Unuion office in Moscow. We need to do it pretty fast, because we have no time till my intervew, if everything will be all right I will be on this flight! I have about 500 US dollars yet and I think I need about 600 US dollars from your side with all travel needs and living here till my flight!If everything will be all right between us I can stay with you longer than three months,maximum I can stay about 6 months for first time! We should change only the date of my returning flight. Or I can return earlier if something is wrong! Here is more info about Western Union. You find any local Western Union agent, go there and send money to my name. Western Union will ask you for my full name and address in Moscow where I am staying at. Once you give them all the info they will initiate the transfer. In just less than 10 minutes I will be able to pick the money up at any Western Union agent here in moscow. You will send me transfer info and MTCN( money transfer control number ) I will get cash. So I will need your full name and your address + the control number of the transfer. (MTCN) Kiss you many times ,I am tired today,you know it is hard enough to be in foreign city. So many different emotions . Kiss you many times! Natalya! see you soon! Ah, silly me. Nearly forgot to give you my full name info and my address. My address here (the flat i am renting) Country : Russia, City : Moscow, Address : xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Full Name Natalya Protasowa(right writting in English) I am sorry to send so dry letter but it seems to me I am like any drunker I have lost my mind and my head works so badly,see you tomorrow. I am sorry to make so many problems for you I only hope that you will be not disappoined to meet me. CHARLEY_BIGTIME If it's shit - I don't care. it was my first attempt. CHARLEY (opportunity knocks) BIGTIME wrote: Hi Natalya, So nice to hear from you. As you know - it is xmas at the moment so I have been unable to get to a Western Union office. I'm really looking forward to seeing you and as soon as I have the time I can transfer the funds (plus a little extra to help you get set up - sundry expenses etc. - say an extra$1000?)

I must say that it is very warm in London this time of year, so you won't need many clothes.

I should tell you my real name:

I am Lt. Colonel Bartholemew Girdwood and my address is:

South Essex barracks.
Simmerson
South Essex
Postcode: URA CNT

My hobbies include, Morning prayers, Ethnic hatred, sexual perversion and breaking the wills of foreign women. Oh - and the teletubbies.

I don't like many foreigners but for you I'll make an exception for someone as exquisite as you - seeing as I can imagine doing so many things to...er...with you (Do you like back door?) I have an aversion to foreigners (except the young girls) because they are all heathens...HEATHENS! I tell you, and an affront to god and they must succumb to the one true will - that which is English mastery over the savages.

So - you are Russian huh? And they are letting you out of the country? They used to shoot people for trying in that godforsaken hellhole (they usually slaughtered their village too) in the past. It's good to see the Old bear finally escaping the shackles of the 17th century. (Please don't tell me you are from Chernobyl because I detest bald women.) Have you dismembered your mother yet? Do you have children - if so, which mine do they work in? Have you ever seen a car? Do you still eat your relatives? Do you drink litres of vodka everyday like the rest of the Russian population? (I don't mind, if you drink vodka. I know it will make you more....accepting and pliable to the plans I have for you.)

On that note - If you have trouble finding work, due to some contacts I have over here, I should be able to help you out. I have close association with a small but independent film company that caters to a very specific client base. They specialise in "natural" movies which explore interaction between humans and other species in a...uh...live documentary type scenario. If you like, I can arrange a short screen test for you with one of our leading performers. His name is Rex. I'm sure you'll get along fine although he does get a little excited at the prospect with working with someone new. It's a standing joke around here that when this happens we give him a bone. Perhaps he'll give that bone to you as a token that he wants to get along with you. He does like to play with his toys. He'll probably like it if you do too.

You will possibly be getting work on a regular basis and I might just be able to swing you a part in a planned production that starts soon. You will play a poor young girl captured by an evil woman played by one of our stars - Miss Lei Wong a.k.a "The Asian Bitchwhip" (A delightful and very, very young vietnamese girl who contacted me in much the same way you did - she now works in my household and gives me excellent service in the mornings) and the film evolves around her. The scenario is that she was due to be married but her husband-to-be left her at the altar an now she wishes to take her revenge on all luscious nubile young women that cross her path. In your first scene, we will show you captured and restrained while Miss Wong runs through a gamut of (...er...psychological....psychological!!...yes...that's it) sexual revenge. This will call for you to act like you really are held captive and we'd like to here you scream and shout for mercy - but don't overdo it - we don't want you getting a little horse (that's your third scene.) Besides - we don't want the neighbours hearing you and the police have an annoying habit of interrupting filming schedules.

You'll be pleased to hear we have an extensive "effects" budget for your scenes. Money is no object and we have several *real* marrows, live crayfish and a*real* Louisville slugger for your first scene and all of your co-stars have been professionally trained by the *best* handlers including my best Polo chum. So this is not your average tin-pot production.

Later in the film, in another scene, you will have to seduce Miss Wong's new lover by talking to him no-hold's-barred erotically over the phone. You'll have to give me your phone number so I can "screen test you" numerous times for this scene. You'll have to perform though, as there is another person we are looking at for this role - Judy Mbutu from the Central African Republic who *also* contacted me in the manner in which you did. She works in my garden now - and there's nothing she likes better than getting on her knees and tending to my bulbs and stalks. She lives in the kennels with the dogs and she's grateful for that. (She'd better be.)

I stole her inheritance.

As you can see, we are hoping for a movie that assaults the senses and has deep psychological impact. We are hoping this will become a classic with a deeply interwoven plot that will lead the average viewer ecstatically to the MASSIVE CLIMAX we have planned for the end of the film. I won't tell you what that is yet - but I know that you will be swimming in it.

Stardom awaits.

Sorry - can you send me your personal details gain - I accidentally deleted them. I'll also need a copy of your western union account agreement. Can't be too careful these days.

Yours,

Bart.

DrMatt
BANNED
Posts: 29811
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 4:00 pm
Location: Location: Location!
I get about six of these per day and the bayesian filters catch 'em.
Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense.

Doctor X
Posts: 72330
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 8:09 pm
Title: Collective Messiah
Lt. Col. BigTIME wrote:I am Lt. Colonel Bartholemew Girdwood and my address is:

South Essex barracks.
Simmerson
South Essex
Postcode: URA CNT
BWA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!

Are you not . . . the very model of military excellence?

Just make sure she is not really . . . black . . . black as . . . BOG!!!!

--J. "Splendid!" D.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

WS CHAMPIONS X4!!!! NBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup! SB CHAMPIONS X6!!!!!!

CHARLEY_BIGTIME
Well, would you believe it.

Insane, desperate, ignorant or just plain thick.

================

Hello Bart!!!
How are you?

Thank for that that you want to help me,
I am very grateful to you for your help,
I you will be very glad that I at me in the another's country.
I very much worry before trip, but I know
that you will help me far from the native land.
I hope that can send money as soon as possible,
that I could have time to pass interview.
I with impatience wait for our meeting with you
and yours of the next letter.
I am glad that soon I can to look in your eyes
and to see you it is real, I very much wait for this moment.

I send you my hot kisses

I find the persistence mildly admirable.

CHARLEY_BIGTIME
Second email of the day. Sent 7 seconds after the first.

=========

pre-written email wrote:
Bart!!!!!

I miss you veeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy much ((((

I think minutes when I can see you,
I would like to collect the things right now and
to sit and the plane and to fly to you now.
To see you and to calm down in your hands.
When I close eyes I all time I present
our meeting with you. And you imagine our meeting?
I very much love you, my heart is ready to jump out of a breast
when I think of you. I feel that wanted such husband all
the life. I die without you. I never before was not so is in love

I will go down with this ship
and I won't put my arms up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door
I'M IN LOVE AND ALWAYS SHALL BE

MY LOVE YOU MY DEAR HUGS AND A SOFT KISS ON YOUR WARM LIPS
Hurm...need to think of a response. I like the Dido reference.

Very convincing of her intentions.

DrMatt
BANNED
Posts: 29811
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 4:00 pm
Location: Location: Location!
So she's like 25, huh? An "old maid" in traditionalist terms. And she can afford some very fancy duds. I wonder who she works for.
Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense.

Cloverlief
Posts: 5025
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 10:59 pm
Location: Here, there or somewhere
I wonder - do people actually fall for these scheme and send money?

Anyway, Charley, you got a good one there. I wish you much happiness, and will we be invited to the wedding?
Chani

DrMatt
BANNED
Posts: 29811
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 4:00 pm
Location: Location: Location!
It's been a while since they attached photos to the spams they were sending me, but I used to get about 4 or 5 photos per week on mail-order Russian bride spams, roughly 50% of them X-rated.
Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense.

ed
Posts: 38150
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2004 11:52 pm
Title: G_D
I bet she thought that the Vlad the Impala ruse was funny.

I am still sullen.

Hey Charly. Why don't you email her that you'll meet her in Moscow? Get to know her a bit. Say that you are going for a joint anti-Mafia taskforce meeting on, say January 3rd. Tell her. See what she says.