Greetings in the name of God Almighty

How not to buy a brick in a box off the back of a truck.
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grayman
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Greetings in the name of God Almighty

Post by grayman »

Just got this. The parts I bolded made me laugh.
From: Mrs. Maria Joshua
Centre Hospitalier et Universitaire
De Yopougon Abidjan Ivory Coast.
Telephone: 00(225) 660-16-991

Greetings In the name of God Almighty,

I am Mrs. Maria Joshua, from Kuwait. I am married to late Dr. Solomon Joshua, of blessed memory who was a Cocoa Merchant and an Oil Explorer in Abidajn-Ivory Coast for many years before he died in the year 2005. We were married for twenty five years without a child.

Before the untimely death of my husband, we were both born again Christians and since the death of my husband, I have been battling with both cancer and stroke. When my late husband was alive he deposited $1.2Million (One Million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) with a community bank here in Abidajn-Ivory Coast. after his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.

According to the doctor, my medical report quotes a very short life sperm due to my health status presently. May be I may still have another 3-4 weeks to live, that I do not know but God can say. That is just my faith as a deteriorating cancer patient.

Recently, I am been disturbs by my one sided paralyses due to stroke diagnoses. but I pray to God to heal me so that I will be alive and see this work done as my late husband instructed me.

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein, I want a church or individual that will use this fund for orphanages widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained,The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth.

I took this decision because we don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I dont want my husband efforts to be used by unbelievers, I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way, this is why I am taking this decision, I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going, I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord.

Exodus "14 VS 14" says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. my husband relatives always around me, I don't want them to know about this development, With God all things are possible.

I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian and whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you more details regarding this great mission.
Remain blessed in the Lord.

Yours sister in Christ,
Mrs. Maria Joshua
You will be electroplated. Resistance is potential divided by current! - Dr. Matt

Cogito, ergo Deus non est.

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sparks
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Post by sparks »

Jeezus fucking Christ.

Why not the First Church Of Sparks--The Outrageously Indifferent CoCreator???

Send it in now bitch. All of it.
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

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DrMatt
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Post by DrMatt »

sparks wrote:Jeezus fucking Christ.

Why not the First Church Of Sparks--The Outrageously Indifferent CoCreator???

Send it in now bitch. All of it.
Church of God the Indifferent is a Vonnegut idea already.
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Dear Sir,
I have a full length tragedy movie script title: RANKLE JONES THE GOLFER.
It is a new idea, full of suspense and thrill. It has 14 character, 2
major roles, 4 supporting roles, 8 minor roles and 4 locations.
Movie lovers, viewers, fans, stations, companies, desire aesthetic
productions which is possible from a thrilling script as this. Exceptional
production that can make millions of copies sale can be possible from a
good movie production company, couple with a good story line as this and a
good casting crew.
Jones enjoys golf playing, hoping to be a professional golfer like Tiger
Woods. Professional golfers play in golf field, ours play at home. No
fucking son of a bitch will accept correction. The pride of what is yet to
be is a destroyer.
It is traumatic to live with nutty breed of human, all in the name of
family-hood. The traumatic experience of Ray over being alienated in the
family of five and his emotional disgust over his parents good moral
negligence.
His erratic brother Jones gave him a blood bath, living his life-less body
after which he was in oblivious state. Ray is cast away and also an object
of mimic.
Hilda gave Ray a taste of love life which has been missing for years. I
love you mum because you hate me. Cassandra my sister is no different from
my mum Vera.
Jones finally golfed out daddys ''Kenny'' breath, as he was left to his
pool of blood. Jones life turns sour of no savvy as he committed suicide.
Those that bury mines indiscriminately will one day fall victim to mine
explosion.
This is a viable production and aesthetic movie, as it will be a most
watch to every American home, British home and across to continents. This
movie has three advert spaces which will flow along with the production.
Companies that need to boost their sales can bid for the space as it will
stimulate their growth considering the success this movie will achieve.
With your readiness we can proceed. Get back to me as soon as possible.
Thanks for finding time to read through.
Best Regards.
Mr. Onyema Emmanuel.
+234-8051706589.
Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense.

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Bearguin
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Post by Bearguin »

You poor sod.

I'm getting $15.3 Million from someone with the same issues. She's gonna be pissed when I don't give the 60% to charity.

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teebip
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Post by teebip »

JESUS IS THE MASTER OF TH UNIVRSE

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DrMatt
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Post by DrMatt »

Date: Sun, 11 May 2008 14:17:34 -0500
From: "~~~redacted~~~@uwec.edu>
To: Undisclosed recipients: ;
Subject: RE: DONATION AS MOVED BY GOD (Contact: skysecuritycourier@live.com)

Mrs.Emily Olivier
Email: e_mol@live.com

Greetings,
I am sure this mail would be coming to you as a surprise since we have never met before and you
would also be asking why I have decided to chose you amongst the numerous internet users in
the world,precisely I cannot say why I have chosen you but do not be worried for I come in
peace and something very positive is about to happen to your life right now and to the lives of
others through you, if only you can carefully read and digest the message below. Permit me to
give you a little of my biography,I am Mother Emily Olivier, 87 Years old woman and the wife of
Late Sir Jackman Olivier who died in a Plane crash on Monday the 7th of September 1998 GMT
Nigeria 14:22 while they were flying from New York to Geneva.

After the death of my husband I became the Head of his investment and now that I am old and
weak and need to rest with my friends and family. Before the death of my husband we had a
plan to use the last days of our lives to donate half of what we have worked for to the less
privilege and charity homes and the other half for our family, its unfortunate that my husband is
not alive today to do this with me. Hence I have decided to do this philanthropic work on behalf
of my late husband and I. Despite the agreement between my late husband and I to give aid to
the deprived, we also agreed to render support to an individual we have not meet before in life
due to the fact when we were still young in life we receive an anonymous help from an
individual we did not know and which we have not being able to know till date, the impact we
got from such gesture made us to do same. I am sorry to inform you that you will never have the
chance to know me because I have just concluded the assignment which my husband and I have
agreed upon before his sudden death and you happened to be the beneficiary of our last WILL,
irrespective of your previous financial status, hence I need you to do me a favor by accepting
our offer that will cost you nothing.I have deposited an ATM card payment of £350,000.00
with Sky Security/Courier Service Nig. LTD to be delivered to you, You are to contact the Sky
Security/Courier Service Nig. LTD. as soon as possible to know when they will delivering your
package to you due to expiring date. For your information, I have paid for the delivering Charge
and Insurance premium Fee of the ATM card. The only money you are expected to pay is
$390.00 for the security keeping of the cheque so far.

Below is their contact for them to arrange delivery of your ATM card payment;
Contact Person: Mr. Michael Isabor
Email Address: skysecuritycourier@live.com
Phone: +234 807 843 2566

Again, you are not to pay for the delivering Charges and Insurance premium Fee of the
parcel because I have already paid for them, the only money you are expected to pay is
$390.00 for the security keeping of the cheque so far. I would have paid the fee but the
company insisted that I should not because they don't know when you will be contacting them
and to avoid demurrage or further cost. You are to reconfirm these code to them SCT0433CC to
avoid any mistake on the Delivery and ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you
track your package over there and know when it will get to your address; You are to provide to
them;
Full Names:
Postal Address:
Direct telephone number/Mobile number:
Security Keeping Code: SCT0433CC

Note: Please I do not want you to thank me, all I need you to do is to invest wisely with it this is
the only way this world would be a better community.All further correspondence should be forwarded to the courier company for the delivery of your cheque to you.

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Emily Olivier
They're poised to send 350k Pounds but first you have to send $390 somewhere. Right. Why do people fall for this?

Telephone code 234 is, of course, Nigeria.
Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense.

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DrMatt
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Post by DrMatt »

Another...
I am writing this letter in confidence believing that if it is the wish of Allah for you to help me and
my family, Allah will bless and reward you aboundantly and you would never regret this. My family and I
are true moslems and worship Allah truthfully. I got you rcontact during my search for this assistance. I
am a female student from University Burkina Faso, Ouaga. I am 20yrs old. I'd like any person who can be
caring, loving and home oriented. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more
about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help
me in this transaction. Well, my father died earlier two months ago and left I and my junior brother
behind. He was a king, which ourtown citizens titled him over sixteen years before his death.I was a
princess to him and I am the only person who can take care of his wealth now because my junior brother is
still young and my mother is not literate enough to know all my father's wealth. He left the sum of USD
5.2M (Five Million, Two Hundred Thousand USDollars)in a security company.This money was annually paid
into my late fathers account from Shell petroleum development company(spdc)and chevronoil company
operating in our locality for the compensation of youth and community development in our jurisdiction. I
don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred
will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my
consent because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town. Now,I urgently need your humble
assistance to move this money from the security company to your bank account, That is why I felt happy
when I saw your contact because I strongly believe that by the grace of Allah, you will help me invest
this money wisely. I am ready to pay 30% of the total amount to you if you help us in this transaction
and another 10% interest ofAnnual After Income to you, for handling this transaction for us,which you
will strongly have absolute control over it. If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to
assist me in lifting this fund, kindly reach me.Please, note that this transaction is100% risk free and I
hope to commence the transaction as quick as possible,I will send you my picture as soon as I hear from
you for recognition. contact me immediately you receive my letter through my e-mail. Hope to read from
you soon. EMAIL,princess_rukaya10@yahoo.com Yours Faithfully, PRINCESS RUKAYA
Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense.

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Kristopher
Posts: 4825
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2006 9:43 pm
Location: MA

Re: Greetings in the name of God Almighty

Post by Kristopher »

grayman wrote:Just got this. The parts I bolded made me laugh.
From: Mrs. Maria Joshua
Centre Hospitalier et Universitaire
De Yopougon Abidjan Ivory Coast.
Telephone: 00(225) 660-16-991

Greetings In the name of God Almighty,

I am Mrs. Maria Joshua, from Kuwait. I am married to late Dr. Solomon Joshua, of blessed memory who was a Cocoa Merchant and an Oil Explorer in Abidajn-Ivory Coast for many years before he died in the year 2005. We were married for twenty five years without a child.

Before the untimely death of my husband, we were both born again Christians and since the death of my husband, I have been battling with both cancer and stroke. When my late husband was alive he deposited $1.2Million (One Million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) with a community bank here in Abidajn-Ivory Coast. after his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.

According to the doctor, my medical report quotes a very short life sperm due to my health status presently. May be I may still have another 3-4 weeks to live, that I do not know but God can say. That is just my faith as a deteriorating cancer patient.

Recently, I am been disturbs by my one sided paralyses due to stroke diagnoses. but I pray to God to heal me so that I will be alive and see this work done as my late husband instructed me.

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein, I want a church or individual that will use this fund for orphanages widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained,The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth.

I took this decision because we don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I dont want my husband efforts to be used by unbelievers, I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way, this is why I am taking this decision, I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going, I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord.

Exodus "14 VS 14" says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. my husband relatives always around me, I don't want them to know about this development, With God all things are possible.

I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian and whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you more details regarding this great mission.
Remain blessed in the Lord.

Yours sister in Christ,
Mrs. Maria Joshua
I just got something very similar, only from a "Annen Joubert" in South Africa.
When one considers that our planet is doomed, at least as far as life is concerned, it is impossible to put meaningful value on the titanic forward struggle of life on Earth through billions of years. This struggle, whether conscious or not, appears agonizingly futile if the gigantic mass contribution can not be perpetuated.
- Philip N. Shockey, "Space Journal", March-May, 1959

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grayman
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Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:43 am
Location: A little further north.

Post by grayman »

Another from the Ivory Coast/Cote D'Ivoire. She calls me "dear". I feel special.
From Miss Natacha Koneal.
Abidjan. Cote D'Ivoire,

Hello dear,

With profound respect and humble submission,and I beg to state the following few lines for your kind consideration, I hope you will spare some of your valuable minutes to read the following appeal with sympathetic mind. I must confess that it is with great hopes, joy and enthusiasm that I write you this mail which I know and believe by the faith that it must surely find you in good condition of health. My name is Miss Natacha Koneal, I am the only Daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs Joseph Koneal. My father was a highly reputable business magnet who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days.

It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on the 20th May 2007. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of mine who travelled with him at that time. But who knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 6yrs old, and since then my father took me so special.

Before the death of my father on May 2007, he called me and informed me that he has the sum of Ten Million, Five Hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$10,500,000.00) he deposited in a private Bank here in Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire.. He told me that he deposited the money in my name, and also gave me all the necessary legal documents regarding to this deposit with the Bank

I am just 21 years old and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do. Now I want an honest partner overseas who I can transfer this money with his assistance and after the transaction I will come and reside permanently in your country till such a time that it will be convinient for me to return back home if I so desire. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I also want to invest the fund under your care because I am ignorant of business world.

I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:
1. Can you honestly help me from your heart?
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the fund has being transfeered to your account and i come over to meet you ?


Please, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible. Immedaitely I confirm your willingness, I will send to you my Picture and also inform you more details involved in this matter.
Kind Regards,
Miss Natacha Koneal.
n_koneal_n22@yahoo.com.cn
[/quote]
You will be electroplated. Resistance is potential divided by current! - Dr. Matt

Cogito, ergo Deus non est.

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DrMatt
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Post by DrMatt »

<pre>
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2008 12:48:03 -0000
From: Ahmed <magnetic01@eeu.de>
Reply-To: mariam.mariam.sancara@gmail.com
Subject: My greetings to you

Mrs.Mariam Sancara,
Ouagadougou.Bukina-Faso.

My Dear Friend,

May the blessings of Allah be upon you and grant you the wisdom and
sympathy to understand my situation and how much I need your help.I am
Mrs.Mariam Sancara. I am contacting you with the hope that you will be of
great assistance to me, I currently have within my reach the sum of 4.3
million U.S dollars cash which I intend to use for investment purposes.
I therefore personally appeal to you seriously and religiously for your
urgent assistance to move this money in to your country where I believe it
will be safe since I cannot leave the country due to the restriction of
movement imposed on the members of my family by the Government.
This money came as a result of a payback contract deal between my husband
and a Russian firm in our country.The Russian partners returned my husbands
share .Presently, the Government has intensified their probe in to my
husbands financial resources which has led to the freezing of all our
accounts, local and foreign, the revoking of all our business licences and
the arrest of my First son.
In view of this I want to acted very fast to withdraw this money from one
of our finance houses before it will be closed down.My husband deposited
the money in a finance firm for safe keeping . No record is known about
this fund by the government because there is no documentation showing that
we have such funds.
Further more, my elder son have been in detention in the last four years
following the death of my late husband for charges of State organized
murder and corrupt practices. he was just been released by the Supreme
Court after the president brokered a deal with my family regarding his
freedom, and he is still under interrogation about my late husband's assets
and some vital documents.
Due to the current situation in the country and government attitude to my
family,I cannot make use of this money within, thus I seek your help in
transferring this funds out for investment than leaving the fund here and
to invest the money to profit my family Bearing in mind that you may assist
me.l have decided to part with 25% of the total sum.
I am seriously considering to settle down abroad in a friendly atmosphere
like yours as soon as this fund get into your account so that I can start
all over again if only you wish. I shall ask my son Djiba to come over to
your country to liaise with you. If this proposal satisfies you. please do
not let me out to the security as I am giving you this information in total
trust and confidence and please include your personal telephone and fax
numbers.
I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal in good faith.

Your URGENT response is needed.

Regards and Allah Bless you.
Mrs.Mariam Sancara.
</pre>
Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense.

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grayman
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Location: A little further north.

Post by grayman »

Simple and to the point:
I am MR RAZAB ZONGO, a Staff of a Bank in Burkina Faso,please indicate your interest to receive the transfer of US$22.5 Million in your bank account, 50% for me and 40% for you then 10% for any expenses. You will stand as the next of kin to my late customer whose account is presently dormant for five good years, please contact me via this email adress (razab_zongo1@maktoob.com). for more informations about the transaction. 1. NAME IN FULL...................
2. ADDRESS..........................
3. NATIONALITY...................
4. AGE..................................
5. SEX..................................
6. OCCUPATION...................
7. MARITAL STATUS............
8. PHONE.............................
9. FAX:................................ REGARDS
MR RAZAB ZONGO
You will be electroplated. Resistance is potential divided by current! - Dr. Matt

Cogito, ergo Deus non est.