Signs of the impending apocalypse

Hot topics in delusion and rationalization.
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Pyrrho
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Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Pyrrho »

Plus or minus armageddon.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-05-11/c ... ch/8516682
Suburban cricketers in Melbourne were left stumped at the weekend as the wicket appeared to defy the law of gravity.

A mid-year match between Moonee Valley and Strathmore Heights came to a standstill when a delivery knocked out the middle stump but left the bails in place.

Moonee Valley captain Michael Ozman was watching from the boundary and saw the stump "go flying back to the wicket keeper".

"Everyone started gathering around the wicket," he told ABC Radio Melbourne's Red Symons.

"I walked out and I saw that leg and off stump were still sitting there and both bails were up still.
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Last edited by Pyrrho on Sat May 13, 2017 4:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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I know shit about cricket since I find it about as exciting as a baseball game between San Diego and the DEVIL Rays--"is it in San Diego?! Double Switch!!!11!"--so I do not know what the official ruling is, but I always assumed that the bails have to fall. Hence the joke "sticky wicket."

This is a game that takes days to play. Scoring 108 is a "bad thing." It ends with a lot of sodomy.





Though it is probably better than a Bears v. Jacksonville game.

--J.D.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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"Page not found?"

Back-slidin'!
Get the wax outta your ears!

You call the Captain "Captain!"

And you call the rest of us "Boss," you hear?!
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by gnome »

“What's that strange thing you British play?”
“Er, cricket? Self-loathing?”
“Parliamentary democracy. The rules just kind of got there.”

--Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
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Pyrrho
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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Boss Paul wrote:"Page not found?"

Back-slidin'!
Fixin' the link here, Boss.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Carr »

Then get at them beans!
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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http://dailypost.ng/2017/05/13/pastor-e ... ike-jesus/
A pastor who tried replicating the Biblical story of Jesus Christ walking on water has been eaten by crocodiles.

The pastor, identified as Jonathan Mthethwa, of the Saint of the Last Days Church, tried the demonstration at a river known as Crocodile River.

Mthethwa, from a local church in White River Mpumalanga died Saturday morning trying to demonstrate the biblical miracle to his congregants.

According to The Herald Zimbabwe, he drowned into the Crocodile River and was seen by his church members getting eaten by 3 crocodiles.

Deacon Nkosi, a member of the church, told the newspaper, “The pastor taught us about faith on Sunday last week.

“He promised he would demonstrate his faith to us today, but he unfortunately ended up drowning and getting eaten by 3 large crocodiles in front of us.

“We still don’t understand how this happened because he fasted and prayed the whole week.”
Probably just fake news.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Anaxagoras »

Jesus.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by izittrue »

Doctor X wrote:I know shit about cricket......

Though it is probably better than a Bears v. Jacksonville game.

--J.D.
Meanie. Just wait till next/some year in the future.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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Hey, at least we spared you all getting [CENSORED--Ed.] by Lebron.

--J.D.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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http://www.newsweek.com/conjoined-twin- ... nds-625612
Scientists in the Netherlands have reported the first known sighting of a conjoined twin porpoise. The animal was caught in a net by fisherman in the North Sea, and was dead when they found it.

The porpoise was a male baby, its age clear by its not-yet-firm dorsal fin, small hairs on its upper jaw and an open umbilicus from where it had been attached to its mother. His peculiar anatomy was unmistakable: the porpoise had two fully formed heads. The heads were connected to a single body with the usual two pectoral fins.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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[youtube][/youtube]
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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Snortable Chocolate Arrives in U.S. Stores
One of the first things you notice after opening a jar of Coco Loko is that it looks like hot chocolate mix. Snorting a line of the brown powder with specks of white confirms its familiar flavor, followed by a rush of energy.

Americans are beginning to see the product alongside candy bars and energy pills at local shops as the Florida company Legal Lean moves to take a European club-drug trend mainstream.

“I can see it taking off, as long as it doesn't get too controversial,” says Nick Anderson, director of marketing for the five-person Orlando company. "We feel like we're cutting edge in what we're doing."

Snorting chocolate has received significant international attention since 2007, when Belgian chocolatier Dominique Persoone created a device he calls the Chocolate Shooter to snort cocoa (not cacao) powder. Health conscious European clubgoers separately use raw cacao in pills and drinks for its mildly euphoric, energizing effects.

Coco Loko uses cacao, which is a processed at a lower heat than cocoa, retaining more beneficial nutrients. Raw cacao is hailed as a superfood full of mood-lifting anandamide and phenylethylamine, cognition-assisting flavonoids and muscle-relaxing magnesium.

Cacao can be purchased on Amazon.com or at a Walmart. Until now, however, powder specifically intended for snorting has not been a mass-market product in the U.S.

Coco Loko is cut to enhance cacao's effects. The label lists B vitamins, ginkgo biloba, blood flow-improving amino acid L-Arginine and the energy drink stimulants guarana and taurine.

“It hits you quicker when you snort it,” Anderson says, though it also can be made into drinks.
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A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/3862516/h ... th-africa/
SUPERSTITIOUS villagers have been living in fear since a sheep gave birth to this creature that was said by elders to be half-human half-beast and “sent by the devil”.

Many of the 4000 inhabitants and farmers of Lady Frere in Eastern Province, South Africa, were convinced that bestiality and witchcraft had led to the birth of the creature.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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Nihil novi sub sole…
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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http://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2017/jul ... s-on-stage
Hagee made national headlines a few years ago with his studies and observations on the series of four blood moons that appeared in the sky and all coincided with Jewish feast days. Hagee says these were prophesied in the Bible and are a sign that God is about to move on the world stage.

"The four blood moons, as soon as the fourth blood moon appeared, you will follow the press followings that Russia moved out of Russia into the Middle East," Hagee noted. "They moved their military forces into the Middle East. The 38th chapter of the book of Ezekiel says that when the King of the north moves out of the north, I will bring you out of the north. Then we are getting ready to watch the Genesis of the Gog-Magog War."

"So the very specific thing that happened as soon as those blood moons ended was that Russia moved out to the Middle East, and Russia is not going to leave the Middle East," Hagee warned. "They're going to join with Iran to build... a massive army that will in time try to perform a land invasion of the state of Israel."

He says the upcoming, rare solar eclipse on August 21 is not quite as dramatic as the four blood moons, but is an example of one of the many signs and wonders we'll see in the sky in the end of days that have never happened before.
"The world as we have it at this very present time is a powder keg and the fuse is lit," he warned. "Every player is on the stage for the first time in history that fulfills all of the prophesies of Daniel, Ezekiel, Jeremiah, Isaiah; they're all there. We're just waiting for the next domino to fall and when it does watch out! It's not going to stop."
Hold on to your butts.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Anaxagoras »

I was thinking of starting a thread about this, but I think it fits in this thread pretty well.
Chinese police detain female Jesus cult members
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Pyrrho »

Texas calf born looking like KISS rocker Gene Simmons

http://www.10tv.com/article/texas-calf- ... ne-simmons

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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Doctor X »

EXPLAIN THAT!!!1

--J.D.
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"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
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Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by sparks »

Gene enjoys a good steak?
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Bruce »

Gene splicing.
Such potential!
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Pyrrho
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Pyrrho »

Pat Robertson fell off a horse. Until he recovers there will only be Three Horsemen.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Bruce »

Russian voodoo wizard spins candy from the souls of the damned.
If that's not a clear sign of the impending apocalypse, I don't know what is. :shock:
Such potential!
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Pyrrho »

That guy is definitely a programmer.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Grammatron »

It's an anti-smoking campaign. He's exchanging the cotton candy for cigarettes.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Doctor X »

They have nicotine in their cotton candy?

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by sparks »

Those bastards will do anything to get teh childrenz hooked!
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Doctor X »

Image

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Anaxagoras »

Biblical prophecy claims the world will end on Sept. 23, Christian numerologists claim

The real story here is not nutters being nutters but why anybody thought that this was "news".
(FoxNews.com) - Christian numerologists claim that the world will end on Sept. 23, 2017 as they believe a planet will collide with Earth.

According to Christian numerologist David Meade, verses in Luke 21: 25 to 26 is the sign that recent events, such as the recent solar eclipse and Hurricane Harvey, are signs of the apocalypse.

The verses read:

“25: There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken.'

"'26: Men’s hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken.'

Sept. 23 is a date that was pinpointed using codes from the Bible, as well as a "date marker" in the pyramids of Giza in Egypt.

Meade has built his theory, which is viewed with a widely skeptical lens, on the so-called Planet X, which is also known as Nibiru, which he believes will pass Earth on Sept. 23, causing volcanic eruptions, tsunamis and earthquakes, according to British newspaper The Sun.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

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The Sun (yep) wrote:Famous Italian exorcist claims recent hurricanes and rise of ‘devil-backed Kim Jong-un’ are signs of IMMINENT APOCALYPSE

Don Antonio Mattatelli made the alarming claims in response to a string of natural disasters in his home country of Italy.

He said: "All natural disasters, such as hurricanes and earthquakes, demonstrate that the end of the world is coming.
[…]
Don Antonio is one of the most famous exorcists in Italy and regularly makes public statements warning of the devil’s work.

He believes that Satan is present on the internet and that demonic possession can take place online.
[…]
As well as speaking out about natural disasters, Don Antonio commented on the current geopolitical situation.

He said: "Behind Kim Jong-un is surely Satan, in North Korea all are forbidden religion and there is only the idolatry of the leader who has replaced God.

"He could be exorcised remotely with prayer, as Pius XII did by the Vatican with Hitler."
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https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/4474653/h ... -exorcist/

Didn't work so well that last exorcism… :roll:
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Doctor X »

[youtube][/youtube]
[youtube][/youtube]

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Witness »

Image
Most Pet Caretakers fit this description:

* They are atheist or another non-Christian religion.
* They love animals enough to register with us even though they do not believe there will be a Rapture (or are agnostic about it).
* They are volunteers, so they are not signing up simply to make a quick buck. In fact, they’ve agreed to care for the pets they rescue as their own, including being financially responsible for them.
http://aftertherapturepetcare.com/
Like the "another". :roll:
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by sparks »

Jeebus but these fuckers are certainly wrapped up in themselves, aren't they?
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Witness »

Image

:wink:
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Grammatron »

All Abrahamic religions are apocalyptic so no surprise.
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Doctor X »

Welllllllllll . . . I never liked the term "Abrahamic religions" since it implies a direct kinship I do not accept. That is being persnickety, I confess, but there were so many "non-Abrahamic" influences and none of them were monolithic entities. For example, it is impossible to speak about "Judaism" as if it was one thing, certainly one that exists today.

All that aside, the Judaisms as preserved in the biblical texts were not apocalyptic by and large.

That being written, there certainly was various apocalyptic moments as we would understand it, and there is Huge Books Full of the extra-biblical literature on the subject: its rise, influence, and all of that. A fun question to consider is how apocalyptic Judaism was in the Roman period particularly amongst "da peoples."

The big question for Christian studies--of many "big questions"--is how apocalyptic the Historical Junior was. The Synoptic Gospels are, by and large, but they are late, and I have pontificated sufficiently on how dangerous it is to assume they have any actual relationship with the Historical Junior. Sure, the Historical Junior became utterly irrelevant for the various movements--see Paul.

Take a common quote that some scholars will grant historicity since it would explain him getting hung up on a tree: the vow to destroy the Temple and rebuild it. What does that mean? Some have gone so far as to suggest he went to the Temple, tried a miracle or actual attack, and the Romans squished it. The only problem with that, as I have bloviated previously, is the Romans clearly did NOT stamp out the movement.

Is that "apocalyptic?" Modern conceptions tied into Revelation then expansions that include things like "the Rapture" which are not in Revelation imagine an "Earth-Ending" event which . . . is . . . also not in apocalypses. Just like Creation Myths often involve re-ordering rather than actual creation, apocalypses tend to involve a reordering of the world-order or at least local voting district: "roll up a scroll."

"The Event" for Christianity, in a way, with all of the traditional scholars still masturbating over "kerygma" notwithstanding, was the Squishing of Jerusalem which sort of demonstrated what the Romans do when you "become difficult." Which brings us to:

Islam. Must confess my research into Islam is quite lax in comparison. I cannot list Arabic amongst my list of languages of which I am functionally illiterate Image I cannot personally pontificate as to whether or not Islam began apocalyptic or apocalysm crept into it or its various branches over time.

Nevertheless, one of the attractions to religions is "This World That Sucks Will End and We Who Suck Will be Awesome and Fuck Chad." The idea of an apocalypse has become a major part of most Christianities I know of. Judaism? Not really.

The Danish and Icelanders are still waiting for Ragnarøkkr. . . .

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
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Anaxagoras
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Anaxagoras »

A lot of apocalypse-mongers out there:

A Wave of Prophecies That the World Is Ending Saturday May Not Be Correct, It Turns Out
Hurricanes, earthquakes, sinkholes, rising seas, the threat of nuclear annihilation: It doesn’t take a doomsday prophet to know we’re living in unstable times. It does, however, take a doomsday prophet to predict the exact date of our obliteration. And sure enough, several fringe Christian prophets are now claiming the apocalypse is coming on Saturday.

. . .



YouTube is crowded with videos making similar claims: The date will bring “Israel’s new beginning,” the “firestorm of the Golden Empire,” and the most significant astronomical convergence “since Adam and Eve.” Another “missionary evangelist” breaks out a whiteboard to sketch out a complex timeline involving Abraham, the death of Jesus, Israel’s Six-Day War, and the Balfour Declaration—all leading up to Saturday. Some of the videos have millions of views.

These prophets’ predictions are based on a creative reading of the 12th chapter in the New Testament book of Revelation. To make a trippy story short, the passage goes something like this: A pregnant woman gives birth to a son and flees to the wilderness for 1,260 days. War breaks out in heaven between angels and a dragon; the dragon retreats to Earth and chases the woman. She suddenly develops eaglelike wings and flees to the wilderness again, and the dragon ends the chapter angry and standing on the beach. Yadda yadda yadda, the apocalypse starts on Sept. 23, 2017.
Tomorrow! :o
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
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Doctor X
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Re: Signs of the impending apocalypse

Post by Doctor X »

Dibs on your stereos.

--J.D.

P.S. This was all suppose to happen a good ~1,80000 [Stop it!--Ed.] years ago.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

ImageWS CHAMPIONS X4!!!! ImageNBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup!Image SB CHAMPIONS X6!!!!!! Image