Porch Mormons

Hot topics in delusion and rationalization.
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Pyrrho
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Porch Mormons

Post by Pyrrho » Wed May 22, 2019 1:07 am

Two young ladies knocked--loudly--on the front door. Greeted me cheerfully. Started babbling about what the hell ever.

Asked me if I had been a Mormon missionary.

"No."

More cheerful babble.

"Yes, I read the Book of Mormon when I was in college. Not for me. I'm not interested."

More cheerful babble. "Are you a religious person?"

"No, and I am not interested."

More cheerful babble.

"Look, I said that I am not interested, and you're not going to convince me. You're wasting your time."

"Well do you know of anyone who might be interested? Are you the only <my first name> here?"

"I have told you three times now that I am not interested and I am getting irritated. You need to leave now."

There was something about her body language and tone of voice, cheerful and smiling though she was, that was disrespectful. Had she kept on, I'd have lectured her about the obvious mental instability of Joseph Smith and how his book was a compilation of lunacy, and that I adhere to the tenets of critical thinking and rationality, but then I'd have been wasting more of my time.

Kids these days.
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shemp
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by shemp » Wed May 22, 2019 2:19 am

You should have told them about Dianetics.
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shemp
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by shemp » Wed May 22, 2019 2:22 am

Question: What happens when Mormon missionaries knock on the door of a Jehovah's Witness?
"It is not I who is mad! It is I who is crazy!" -- Ren Hoek

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Witness
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by Witness » Wed May 22, 2019 3:41 am

Pyrrho wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 1:07 am
There was something about her body language and tone of voice, cheerful and smiling though she was, that was disrespectful.
You went from a plural to a singular. :mrgreen:

I've noticed repeatedly what you describe from very young people (in their early twenties, say) behind a counter, be it at a bank, a pharmacy or a train station, a kind of undercurrent of arrogance and mockery.
Apart from the stray asshole who won't last long at that kind of job, I think it's just body & speech language mannerisms they haven't yet lost from school and perhaps family, a way to appear somehow "cool" and superior.

My 5 cents.

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sparks
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by sparks » Wed May 22, 2019 5:47 am

shemp wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 2:22 am
Question: What happens when Mormon missionaries knock on the door of a Jehovah's Witness?
Gun fire exchange? Or perhaps MegaDumbth Meltdown...
You can lead them to knowledge, but you can't make them think.

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Anaxagoras
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by Anaxagoras » Wed May 22, 2019 6:08 am

I'm sure this has actually happened before. My guess is that once they each realize what the other one is, they give up pretty quickly.
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
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Doctor X
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by Doctor X » Wed May 22, 2019 6:09 am

Religious solicitor: “Can I have a few moments of your time?”

Me: “Actually I’m kind of busy right now.”

Religious solicitor: “Please don’t say that. I just want to talk to you about something that will be very useful to you in life: the Scripture of the Bible.”

Me: “After you’re done talking about the Bible, can I spend just as much time talking to you about anime?”

Religious solicitor: “But…I’m not that interested in that…”

Me: “And now you know exactly how I feel.”

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ed
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by ed » Wed May 22, 2019 9:53 am

Anaxagoras wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 6:08 am
I'm sure this has actually happened before. My guess is that once they each realize what the other one is, they give up pretty quickly.
Like psychics, they exchange info on potential marks.
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Bruce
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by Bruce » Wed May 22, 2019 10:33 am

Your first mistake was answering the door.

If the knocking irritates you, might I suggest a sound proof door? :D

Maybe a sign that says "No souls in this house can be saved. Move along please."
Such potential!

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Pyrrho
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by Pyrrho » Thu May 23, 2019 11:38 am

Used to know a guy who would invite porch missionaries into his house, then trot out his own Bible and lecture them on everything they had "wrong", him being a devout Catholic and all. That ended when a woman tried to blackmail him with photos of him and her smooching at a local park. He didn't pay and she mailed the photos to his wife. "I wasn't hurting anybody!"
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Doctor X
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by Doctor X » Thu May 23, 2019 4:45 pm

How do you get from religious conflict in the living room to snogging in the park?

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out."--Don
DocX: FTW.--sparks
"Doctor X wins again."--Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry."--His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone."--clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far."--Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig."--Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power."--asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." --gnome

ImageWS CHAMPIONS X4!!!! ImageNBA CHAMPIONS!! Stanley Cup!Image SB CHAMPIONS X6!!!!!! Image

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Pyrrho
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by Pyrrho » Thu May 23, 2019 5:46 pm

That's what his wife wanted to know.
The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Nyarlathotep
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Re: Porch Mormons

Post by Nyarlathotep » Thu May 23, 2019 10:56 pm

shemp wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 2:22 am
Question: What happens when Mormon missionaries knock on the door of a Jehovah's Witness?
They try to sell each other Amway
The Luggage said nothing, but louder this time.