Summarize a novel in 25 words

Drama queens must check their tiaras at the door.
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DrMatt
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Post by DrMatt »

Sundog wrote:I was thinking A Wrinkle in Time. Didn't one of the "witches" manifest themselves as a cat? Been too long.
Err, it was Three Ladies which were Three Stars representing The Trinity, and one of them says Wwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeee Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeee! But I don't recall anythig about a cat.

Which brings me to:

Two teens, younger brother, and christian demigods save universe--any Charles Wallace book by Madeline l'Engle.
Grayman wrote:If masturbation led to homosexuality you'd think by now I'd at least have better fashion sense.

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Post by Nyarlathotep »

A very big dog is very, very naughty -- Cujo by Stephen king

A cat is very, very naughty. So is a little boy -- Pet Sematary by Stephen King

A car has a problem that mechanics can't diagnose -- Christine by Stephen King

PMS gone terribly, terribly wrong -- Carrie by Stephen King

Celebrity Worship gone terribly, terribly wrong because a fan was very, very naughty -- Misery by Stephen King

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Doctor X
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Post by Doctor X »

The fish was big. All night I fought with fish. Like Joe DiMaggio. With bone spur.

--The Old Man and the Sea, some egotistical prat hack.

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

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Giz
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Post by Giz »

Dog eats dog. Man bites dog. Dog bites man.

"White Fang"

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ceptimus
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Post by ceptimus »

CHARLEY_BIGTIME wrote:
ceptimus wrote:
CHARLEY_BIGTIME wrote:Boy marries bird.

Great Expectations - Charles Dickens.
Shouldn't that be, 'Boy doesn't marry bird.' ?
Doesn't Pip marry Esther?
Her name's Estella, not Esther. In the book, they don't get married, though the closing sentence hints that they may do. I think they do get married in at least one of the film versions, but film versions don't count.

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Tanja
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Post by Tanja »

lofgeornost wrote:I was thinking it was The Master and Margarita, which I've never read - I just recall a cat depicted on the various covers I've seen.
I think it is Master and Margarita as well.

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Brian
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Post by Brian »

Kant expounds his ideas as simply as is possible, results mostly incomprehensible.
-Critique of Pure Reason, Kant

Art imitates life.
The Picture of Dorian Gray, Wilde
The Book of Love has music in it,
In fact that's where music comes from,
Some of it's just transcendental,
Some of it is really dumb.

-Magnetic Fields

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UncaStuart
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Post by UncaStuart »

Slight sidetrack: it's more than 25 words, but I've always thought that Defoe's original, unabridged title for Moll Flanders made it unnecessary to read the book:
“The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders & c. Who was Born in Newgate, and during a Life of continu’d Variety for Threescore Years, besides her Childhood, was Twelve Year a Whore, five times a Wife (whereof once to her own Brother), Twelve Year a Thief, Eight Year a Transported Felon in Virginia, at last grew Rich, liv’d Honest, and died a Penitent, Written from her own Memorandums...by Daniel Defoe.”
I would also say that Defoe wouldn't have been able, after this performance, to accuse a jacket blurb writer of giving away key plot points. :)

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Doctor X
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Post by Doctor X »

Why I like the classics . . . I would add Tom Jones, but I do not have a copy in front of me.

Heart of Darkness:

"I will tell you a story of how I went up a river, found an asshole, who learned he was an asshole, but I could not tell his girlfriend he was an asshole, and none of you assholes will understand it."

Jane Eyre--screw you! I am too tired to bother!!

"I am an interesting child who grows up to become a boring plain fool who tries to marry Scott Peterson but, fortunately, randomly wanders to the doorstep of a rich uncle."

David Cooperfield

"I was born . . . yadda yadda yadda . . . big storm at the end."

Moby Dick

"If you . . . like . . . look for dangerous knowledge . . . like . . . it may be dangerous. Oh yeah, I will make every part of a whale symbolic telling you this."

Pride and Prejudice

Some shallow women and an ugly one try to date some shallow men . . . one of whom may even be ugly.

Red Badge of Courge

"If, in a battle, when your men are retreating, if you try to stop one and try to talk philosophy with him, he will hit you in the head with his rifle to shut you the fuck up."

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

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Sentzeu
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Post by Sentzeu »

Mystified by the omnipresence of the number three, inside a giant metal tupe. Rendevoux with RAMA by Arthur C Clarke

sextile
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Post by sextile »

Love Story:Ineffably irritating Al Gore-based protagonist tragically suvives the death of his beautiful,even more irritating wife.

The Book of Jonah:Or:the Big Fish story: stretcher in which a kvetcher
tossed from a ketch is swallowed and retched and becomes
Yahveh's favorite false prophet.

David Copperfield:Kid has rough,virtually Dickensian childhood,total
bummer if you don't know he eventually gets to marry Claudia
Schiffer.

Revelation:Steven King writing as Johnny DePatmos.Less prolix than
usual,still the reliable mix of oddball characters,buckets of blood,
ludicrous monsters,cryptic warnings,etc.

War and Peace:Napoleon marches on Moscow in a valiant,foredoomed
attempt to rescue Mother Russia from an interminable aristocratic
soap opera.

Lord of the Flies:Brit boys marooned on an island try to stay civilized but
gradually deteriorate into a typical suburban American middle
school homeroom.

The Gospel According to John:A first century amateur Rebbe's elaborate
practical joke on his gullible disciples takes a tragic turn in this
otherwise rollicking,affectionately antisemetic classic.

Almost any Gor novel:
It isn't enough to pursue her
To capture,enslave and subdue her,
He has yet in store
The worst Torture of Gor:
Eight more pages Explaining It to Her.

Slaughterhouse Five:Woefully inadequate Allied firebombing fails to save
1970 s college students already overburdened by Tolkein and
Herman Hesse.

The Exorcist:Playful,wisecracking demon-possessed child sets projectile
vomiting record and murders two priests,but otherwise behaves
rather badly.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being:Czechs have sex as Dubcek gets
checked,sexy Czech chick defects west,Czechs and Ex-Czechs
have sex,Czech breaks neck in wreck.Check it out.
How many a dispute could have been deflated
into a single paragraph if the disputants had dared to define their terms.-Aristotle

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Doctor X
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Post by Doctor X »

We have a winner!

Lolita--GenghisPwn but with verbs, nouns, and stuff.

Watership Down--"Tell us about the rabbits, George!"

Grapes of Wrath--White trash migrate, encounter various Christian symbols.

Scarlet Letter--Oh get over it!! It happened twenty years ago! Move to another town. Take up a hobby!

Jaws--Not as good as the movie.

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

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Blue Monk
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Post by Blue Monk »

The Exorcist
The Devil made her do it.

Psycho
Standard boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy guts girl

H.G. Wells Outline of History
One damn thing after another

Time Enough for Love
Hero lives a long time and screws everybody.

Carrie
Worst prom night ever

The Grapes of Wrath
Bust in the dust

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specious_reasons
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Post by specious_reasons »

The single source for more Weekly World News headlines than any other work of fiction. "Martian baby starts cult!"
Stranger in a Strange Land
ta-
DAVE!!!

sextile
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Post by sextile »

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn:well-meaning,utterly clueless
antebellum juvenile-delinquent cracker tries to help his slave
friend escape by taking him Southin an open watercraft.

Pet Sematary:Rural New Englander's inability to master fence-building
technology has consequences that are considerably less fun than
a barrel of monkey's paws.

The Fountainhead:Insufficiently taciturn architect-rapist Howard Roark
proves he has the wright stuff,designing funny-looking buildings
and defying numerous namby-pamby collectivistic caricatures.

On The Road: Crapulous hipsters hitch-hike the highways faithfully
following the fivefold path of beatdom:music,mystery,mendacious-
ness,mooching and misogyny.

The World According to Garp:A fellow who inherits his father's luck and his
mother's pluck suffers misfortunes ,but
ultimately triumphs in his mission to prove that wrestlers can't write.

Exodus (Moshe): God smites Pharoah's short-term memory,leads his
Chosen People to the only sandpit in the Middle East not floating
on an ocean of oil.

Kajira of Gor:Barbaric planet maintains a thriving trade with Earth,
importing cute slave girls and recycled plot devices in exchange
for all of its humor and apostrophes.
How many a dispute could have been deflated
into a single paragraph if the disputants had dared to define their terms.-Aristotle

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Doctor X
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Post by Doctor X »

He is good!

--J.D.
Mob of the Mean: Free beanie, cattle-prod and Charley Fan Club!
"Doctor X is just treating you the way he treats everyone--as subhuman crap too dumb to breathe in after you breathe out." – Don
DocX: FTW. – sparks
"Doctor X wins again." – Pyrrho
"Never sorry to make a racist Fucktard cry." – His Humble MagNIfIcence
"It was the criticisms of Doc X, actually, that let me see more clearly how far the hypocrisy had gone." – clarsct
"I'd leave it up to Doctor X who has been a benevolent tyrant so far." – Grammatron
"Indeed you are a river to your people.
Shit. That's going to end up in your sig." – Pyrrho
"Try a twelve step program and accept Doctor X as your High Power." – asthmatic camel
"just like Doc X said." – gnome

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Cool Hand
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Post by Cool Hand »

Chief speaks.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Cool Hand
....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

"Time" -- Pink Floyd

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Cool Hand
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Post by Cool Hand »

Misanthropist has valve problems.

A Confederacy of Dunces

Cool Hand
....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

"Time" -- Pink Floyd

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Cool Hand
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Post by Cool Hand »

God gives us the world, gets really pissed off, destroys most of it, then becomes nice to some people, but remains forever insecure, and he dooms most of us to eternal suffering and there's nothing we can do about it. He confuses and confounds most of humanity for the next 2000 years, inspiring tens of millions of murders during that time.

-The Bible

Cool Hand
....life purpose is pay taxes -- pillory 12/05/13

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

"Time" -- Pink Floyd

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Electric Monk
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Post by Electric Monk »

Yeah, well that's way more than 25, though. How about:

Omnipotent, bipolar, sadistic, masochistic, schizophrenic, passive-aggressive, homophobic, misogynistic, misanthropic deity has a little fun.
--The Holy Bible (NKJV)
[size=75]I'm in love with the universe, but she doesn't even know I exist.
TAM reports, SoCal events, and more on my [url=http://TheElectricMonk.com]website[/url].[/size]