The real Troy thread, spoilers.

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SquishyDave
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The real Troy thread, spoilers.

Post by SquishyDave »

Yeah, so I saw it, I had to stop myself laughing out loud in three parts, and one part I wanted to stand up in the cinema and yell at the screen.

Helen: You shouldn't be in here
Paris: That's what you said last night
Squishy: *snigger* Who wrote that line, the south park guys?

Then, Achilles is like all in love with a virgin priestess, and she has been captured by the army, and is in his tent, and she holds a knife a to his throat while he is asleep, and he wakes up and says, "go on kill me then" and then they have sex with the knife at his throat, it was horrible to watch, and awkwardly done, and I wanted to yell, "What the fuck are you two doing?"

Then Achilles kills Paris's brother, can't remember his name, and then drags him behind his chariot, only the body seems to be that of the amazing rubber man, it's bouncing along all rubbery and hilarious, I nearly laughed again.

Then all the greeks piss off, and leave a giant horse behind, and then the priest guy says "It is an offering for the god of the sea for a good jouirney home, lets take it to the temple." In other words "Our arch enemy, the evil greek bastards who attacked us want an easy trip home, if we take this to our temple, it will ensure thats what they'll get" so Paris says, "Burn it" and the king of Troy, who lost his son in this battle, says "Nah, lets take to the temple" WTF??! I nearly laughed at this because I remembered the red dwarf episode where Lister was reading Troy (the comic book version). The part I remembered in the cinema is in bold.

LISTER: I dunno though. This wooden horse of Troy malarkey, I'm not buyin' that.
RIMMER: It's one of the most famous military maneuvers in history!
LISTER: I mean, the Greeks have been camped outside Troy, kerpowing, zapping, and kersplatting the Trojans for the best part of a decade, yeah?
RIMMER: So?
LISTER: So all of a sudden they wake up one mornin' and the Greeks have gone. And there outside the city walls they've left this gift; this tribute to their valiant foes: a huge wooden horse, just large enough to happily contain 500 Greeks in full battle dress and still leave adequate room for toilet facilities? Are you telling me not one Trojan goes, "Hang on a minute, that's a bit of a funny prezzy. What's wrong with a couple hundred pairs of socks and some aftershave?" No, they don't -- they just wheel it in and all decide to go for an early night! People that stupid deserve to be kerpowed, zapped and kersplatted in their beds! You know what the big joke is? From this particular phase in history we derive the phrase, "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts," when it would be much more logical to derive the phrase, "Beware of Trojans, they're complete smegheads!"
Squishy doesn't irritate the hell out of me. - [url=http://www.skepticalcommunity.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=10266]Quester_X[/url]
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

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Post by Guest »

Wasn't impressed with the film. I am sure it is a remake of an old film.

Segnosaur
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Re: The real Troy thread, spoilers.

Post by Segnosaur »

SquishyDave wrote:... and she holds a knife a to his throat while he is asleep, and he wakes up and says, "go on kill me then" and then they have sex with the knife at his throat...
Does that constitute "safe sex" in any way?
SquishyDave wrote:Then all the greeks piss off, and leave a giant horse behind, and then the priest guy says "It is an offering for the god of the sea for a good jouirney home, lets take it to the temple." In other words "Our arch enemy, the evil greek bastards who attacked us want an easy trip home, if we take this to our temple, it will ensure thats what they'll get" so Paris says, "Burn it" and the king of Troy, who lost his son in this battle, says "Nah, lets take to the temple" WTF??!
For that, I think you have to blame the original author, Homer. Although the movie was not a direct translation of his work, it did borrow from it. The horse had to be worked in some how, and that was as good a way as any. (And there are many reasons to want to bring it to the temple... as a way of saying "we respect your efforts in war", or to say "nah nah we have your horsey!")
SquishyDave wrote:You know what the big joke is? From this particular phase in history we derive the phrase, "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts," when it would be much more logical to derive the phrase, "Beware of Trojans, they're complete smegheads!"[/b]
I'm always reminded of that classic line from the Simpsons, when presented with the wooden horse, "Now whenever someone thinks of wood, they'll think of Trojans".
Trust me, I know what I'm doing. - Sledgehammer

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Hexxenhammer
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Re: The real Troy thread, spoilers.

Post by Hexxenhammer »

Segnosaur wrote: I'm always reminded of that classic line from the Simpsons, when presented with the wooden horse, "Now whenever someone thinks of wood, they'll think of Trojans".
Or Homer saying "This is the most clever thing ever done in history" as they park Flanders' RV in a no parking zone in order to get towed into the impenetrable car impound lot.

I liked Troy. Not great, but pretty darn good. Good action, the horse looked like it was made out of the materials at hand, no egregious historical errors (except iron swords and parrying with the swords). It was believable that the Trojans would bring the horse in as the king was set up as a big woo woo who believed in all the signs and portents of the gods.
"I'll have the roast duck with the mango salsa."

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Broodingskill
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Post by Broodingskill »

What got me was Achilles jumping thrust move that he kills the first guy with at the begining of the movie, and uses over and over again later on.

I hated just about everything about this movie. I don't hold out much hope for this new crop of epics if they are gonna be like this. I guess LOTR was too good and too much to live up to. No wait, Hollywood is too stupid.