There is sort of a rule I have cobbled/stolen together:
1.
Primogenitureythingy: The team of the place your were born is your team provided it was there and you were raised to whelp-age--old enough to know.
1a. If you are moved to another place prior to that time you may take that place's team
unless you maintain strong family relationships with your new territory. An example of this is Rico Petrocelli's brother who is a New York cop--and a Red Sox fan--and has murder two of his children for becoming MFYs fans [Citation needed.--Ed.]
1b. If your team does something completely reprehensible to you, your family, the city, you are freed of obligation. An example of this would be the Clipper's Cheerleading Dude who was snubbed by the organization. Hell, if by some miracle Sterling remained in control every Clipper's fan would be free to switch. I understand there is the LA Fakers, but they are a Minnesota team--q.v.
2.
Changing Laundry: allowed in the following cases:
2a.
Reprehensible: you should choose a "local" team if possible. If not, you default to Rule the Third.
2b.
Team Moves Away: you are allowed to continue to root for the moved team provided you maintain a connection. Understand, this may not pass on to children born/abducted subsequent to the move. It may also become embarrassing if the move result in the team finally succeeding: see Cleveland fans trying to be Ravens' fans, LA fans trying--for a time--to be St. Louis Rams' fans, Baltimore fans trying to be Colts fans,
et cetera.
2c.
A Team Moves To: you are free to root for them--understanding they may move away. If, by necessity you were a fan of a Rule 3 Team, that team is your Rule 3.
3.
"Not LOCAL?!" you are allowed to claim a team that is "not-local" if you meet the requirements above and:
3a.
True Fan: you choose a team alongside your "local" team because you love the game and your "local" team sucks. Case in point: many Patriots fans had "another team" because they wanted to root for someone after October. I rooted for the "Niners" because I liked Montana. I know some who rooted for Denver with Elway. This was
before both became "big."
3a1. You are a
Truer fan if you pick an
unpopular team: anyone can be a "MFY fan" or--now--a "RS fan!"--with your pink hat--or as one conversation went on a podcast:
Caller: I've been a Patriots fan since 2003!
Pats Reporter Dude: Good timing.
another example is a British friend whose first baseball game happened to be the Pittsburgh Pirates. He figured, as above, anyone can be a "MFY Fan" so he decided to root for an "underdog." This counts as a
True Fan of baseball.
3a2. Also allowed if you pick one for which you have some familiar relationship. Your family comes from a section of England, you root for that section's soccerball team because . . . why not?
3b. "
Little Brother:" you are allowed to "adopt" a team. I have adopted Cleveland teams because I feel sorry for them. I do not root
for them against my Glorious Boston/New England teams. Also,
should a Cleveland team win a championship--stop laughing!--I do
not get to "share in the glory." If there is a party, I wear my RS gear but announce I am rooting for the Indians against ____. This is different than
3a because you are trying to send some "Sports Karma" to a weak team.
3c.
Man Without a Country: you live in Alabama . . . you want to root for a baseball team. What the fuck do you do?
3c1. Local Hero: if your university team--which is all you have--has a "hero" you are allowed to
root for him.
3c2. Knowledgeable Fan: you may pick a team but you better
know them. For example, you can claim to be a MFY fan "because I liked the way Mariano Rivera played, I once met Yogi Bera, and I like licking my dog's ass." YOU MUST follow the team ESPECIALLY during "down" periods. You are not allowed to dump them and then move on to the "Flavor of the Season."
See all the New York fans suddenly realizing there are hockey teams in the state. A similar criticism was leveled to RS fans who suddenly realized, "Hey . . . those . . . Bear Guys who play during the Icecapades! They're good now!"
This applies to all fans from Tampa.
--J.D.