Losing my cheerful optimism

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:54 am

Right now I am working in a bank call center. It sucks, but it (mostly) pays the bills.

It is changing me from a cheerful paragon of hope and optimism into a mean old cynic though. Some lady was haranguing me today because her account was overdrawn and, after I explained to her the chain of transactions that led up to that state, none of which did she claim was incorrect in any way, nor did she say there were any missing deposits in that time frame, she screamed "I CAN'T BE OVERDRAWN BECAUSE I KEEP VERY CLOSE TRACK OF MY MONEY!"

Lady, you are nearly $500 in the red, apparently the eye you keep on your money isn't as close as you say. I didn't phrase it that way. but I wanted to...

Another guy, also mad because he was overdrawn, decided to be tricky and tell me that the transaction that put him in that state was not made or authorized by him. Pro tip though, if you tell the guy at the bank that you "have never done business" with a particular merchant, he can see your account and see that you do, indeed, do fairly regular business with that merchant. And if he sees that you withdrew all the money from your account just prior to that money coming out and then try to claim fraud about that particular transaction, it will not look good for your fraud claim.

Another pro tip, not related to any of the above. If you are trying to get into someone else's account (or even in your own account), and you can't answer the security questions, screaming at the guy at the other end of the phone will not work. We are immune. We know what you are up to and if we DID let you in, we will get fired.

Dealing with the public sucks, not sure how other people do it without going mad.

shemp · Post by **shemp** » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:58 am

Sorry to hear about this. I'm sure you're not getting paid a lot, but set some aside for the purchase of substances, legal or otherwise, that help you unwind at the end of the day. That's how I deal with my employer's dickhead clients.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Thu Nov 14, 2019 3:00 am

Get them an appointment with Cthulhu, you'll never hear from them again.

Pyrrho · Post by **Pyrrho** » Thu Nov 14, 2019 5:05 am

Had a relative whose checks bounced more than a basketball. He complained that the recipients of his checks waited too long to cash them. In the meantime he would withdraw money at the ATM with wild abandon.

shuize · Post by **shuize** » Thu Nov 14, 2019 6:50 am

Nyarlathotep wrote: ↑Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:54 am Dealing with the public sucks, not sure how other people do it without going mad.

If anyone ever wonders why I'm in Japan ...

robinson · Post by **robinson** » Thu Nov 14, 2019 6:59 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote: ↑Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:54 am Dealing with the public sucks, not sure how other people do it without going mad.

A sense of humor, and lots and lots of alcohol

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:38 pm

Another type of call that drives me but are “ramblers”. Friendly enough, but they can’t seem to ever get to the point. One guy today had me on the phone for half an hour. He just needed his debit card replaced. Such a task should take just a couple of minutes, but he insisted on telling me the whole story of how he lost his card, all about what days his bills come in, a bit about his life and everything wrong with the world today.

This was made funnier by the fact that at the top of the call, he said he was in a hurry...

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Fri Nov 15, 2019 1:04 am

↑ Be kind to them if they are friendly (and you get paid the same). There is a lot of loneliness in our societies, especially when you get old and lose your friends.

As we don't have village squares, the chatter is done at the mall, the post office, &c. And, yes, on the phone…

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Mon Nov 18, 2019 10:41 am

https://imgflip.com/i/3gpls5

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Mon Nov 18, 2019 6:58 pm

I approve

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Tue Nov 19, 2019 5:41 pm

Been there, done that. Eleven years with NatWest, once the UK's largest bank. I was pretty much suicidal by the time I left and dreaded getting up in the morning.

And it's kind of weird that some of our brightest customers just couldn't handle their finances. At All.

asthmatic camel · Post by **asthmatic camel** » Tue Nov 19, 2019 8:57 pm

Fortunately, I didn't have much to do with lending during my banking years, I was mostly involved with investments and international trade. Believe me, that was just as stressful. Especially when the Harvard guys showed up and ruined the business.

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Fri Nov 22, 2019 9:35 pm

I can still cheer myself up with making up nicknames for co workers. So far I have

Not Fooling Anyone
Old Dembe (Dembe is a character from The Blacklist)
Gramma Smiley
Stan Lee Cameo
Captain Goatee
Millenial Chani
Not exactly John Leguazamo
Son of Steve Buscemi

More as I come up with them

izittrue · Post by **izittrue** » Sat Nov 23, 2019 4:12 pm

I was in airline business for 31 years. Fuk. I’m not sure how I did it. Great co workers. Traveling public sucks. Especially during holidays and cancelled flights. I lost all faith in my fellow humans. But once and a while there would be a nice human to briefly restore my faith. I had become immune to all the complaining and yelling directed at me. To the traveler they are never wrong. Anyways I’ve found that the customer isn’t always right but the customer always lies!!

Fid · Post by **Fid** » Wed Nov 27, 2019 1:46 am

For a number of years I worked the company/customer interface desk at a small engine warranty repair shop for several manufacturers. Not sales mind you, repair, warranty repair.

We made out like fucking bandits. We were the designated repair center for nine (9) The Home Depot stores.

Each day one or two flat beds would pull up and unload a cornucopia of small gas powered lawn mowers, tractors, tillers, line trimmers, blowers, chain saws, pressure washers, and (this will be important) generators.

I was hired not to work on the machines but to
keep track of the literary hundreds of machines coming through our shop.

I did that extraordinarily well.

And it really didn't take all that much time once my system was in place. So in addition I became parts manager, shipping/receiving, customer service for the walk in retail part of the business.

This is the fun part.

On the wall behind my (and yeah buddy it was pretty much mine as the mechanics were loath with much wailing and gnashing of teeth to cover for me for even a lunch hour) anyway, on the wall were bent lawnmower blades. Each of which I had been earnestly assured by the customer had..."never hit anything'".

At that point I would refer them to the warranty document which states something along the lines of (I do apologize for the following) "nigga please."

That is why above the bent world class hardened steel that had carefully been fashioned into a blade so you could cut your grass was this sign.

DO NOT LOAN YOUR LAWNMOWER TO URI GELLER!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's 1999 and Y2K's gonna kill us all.

I know let's buy a generator and utterly disregard the owners manual!

"No sir a 3500 watt unit will not power your entire fucking house, please refer to the warranty document referenced above."

One case though we all felt bad about. An elderly couple had bought a Coleman generator a couple years before and never unboxed it. They had the receipt and the problem was clearly without question a manufacturing defect i.e. really bad stator windings.
Unfortunately (you can see where this is going right?) the warranty was one year from date of purchase. I never heard back from Coleman or the customer about any resolution.

One day I should tell you about the millions of Briggs & Stratton engines with the leaky fuel shut off valves...good times...good times...

So Pyrrho how's that mower deck holding up?

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Wed Nov 27, 2019 1:57 am

↑ I'm not quite sure Pyrrho's in his lawn mowing mood…

sparks · Post by **sparks** » Wed Nov 27, 2019 2:02 am

Not with this batch of weather coming down, hell no!

Fid · Post by **Fid** » Wed Nov 27, 2019 4:01 am

Sometime past he was concerned about rust/stress fractures/hoodoo from that native American grave site he lives on effect on his John Deere tractor/mower.

At the time I told him due to the age of the machine it may be difficult to get parts. On the other hand said parts would most likely be English rather than metric thereby securing help from...well you know.

Fid · Post by **Fid** » Wed Nov 27, 2019 4:16 am

Oh yeah and as " Keeper of the Microfiche" I have seen ancient tomes regarding "The Snowblower" but as a skeptic I must admit I have never actually seen one.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Wed Nov 27, 2019 11:03 pm

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Sat Dec 07, 2019 3:16 am

Ok people, PSA time.

If you need to call the bank and do banking business.

DON'T CALL FROM THE FUCKING CAR.

There are two reasons for this. One selfish and one unselfish from my POV.

The selfish reason is that if you are using the car's microphone, or worse the speaker function of your cell the sound quality is fucking terrible. I can't hear a motherfucking goddam word you are saying. Seriously, I am probably just making my best guess at what you are wanting me to do.

The unselfish reason is SO YOU DON'T FUCKING CRASH YOUR GODDAM CAR.

This message brought to you by the Eldritch Horror Campaign For Traffic Safety.

Fid · Post by **Fid** » Sat Dec 07, 2019 4:18 am

Noted and logged bud, though for different reasons. I was in a terrible car crash (in Florida...ed?) and the only reason you're reading this is we got pulled over and ticketed for being slack jawed yokels not wearing seat belts. We fastened up and a half hour later dickweed ran a red light and fucked the living shit outa our ride.
I was able to cut the male buckle and sent it to the officer who ticketed us earlier.

Florida ain't all bad.

sparks · Post by **sparks** » Sat Dec 07, 2019 6:28 am

I blame ed's curiously missing crawdads...

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Wed Dec 11, 2019 3:16 am

I am 90% sure I prevented some dude from falling prey to a Nigerian scammer today.

Did my good deed for the year back in March, so I am counting this one for 2020.

ed · Post by ed » Wed Dec 11, 2019 11:54 am

Here is something to be optimistic about:

Once we embrace diversity in all it's many splendored forms, you will have this to look forward to when you see your co-workers EVERY DAY

:

So look up, things will be better!!!

ed · Post by ed » Wed Dec 11, 2019 2:20 pm

There is a story behind this.

I was watching some ethnographic thing with my daughter (she might have been 8 or 9) when they showed these guys with their "Sheths". Needless to say it was the funniest thing we had seen in a long time. Fast forward. She is now 28 with kids and she mentioned something about Pod People. Took me a sec to recall and, once again, great levity ensued. In thinking about it, I thought that I'd spread the good cheer here, knowing that it would be greatly appreciated.

Is It?

ed · Post by ed » Wed Dec 11, 2019 2:47 pm

Sometimes, my sheath obsessed friend, a cigar is just a cigar,

ed · Post by ed » Wed Dec 11, 2019 3:23 pm

I wasn't getting the attention that I craved. Go on, call me immature. I'll put a worm in your chocolate milk.

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Tue Dec 24, 2019 4:48 pm

It's called a codpiece. Which is also how Cape Cod got its name. When the pilgrims landed there, they encountered a group of natives wearing these sheaths, so they named it Cape cod, after the fashion of the indigenous peoples.

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Sun Dec 29, 2019 2:20 am

You know what I find utterly ridiculous? The things the general public are willing to call ridiculous.

Some lady called up today and asked if I could make her direct deposit paycheck show up in her account faster. Sorry lady, it isn't on hold, it isn't even being processed. We literally don't have it yet and when we do it will show up in your account immediately.

She then harangued me for 10 minutes about how it was 'ridiculous' that I couldn't just make it show up in her account.

I don't know how much longer I am going to survive in this job. Because every time I have to talk to one of these fucksticks, I can feel an erosion in my ability to be nice and diplomatic with them. I am going to lose it on one of the chucklefucks sooner or later.

Witness · Post by **Witness** » Sun Dec 29, 2019 2:43 am

↑ Judging from online offers here, people are impatient: they seem to be OK with paying 15 - 20 bucks for having their stuff delivered a day or two earlier.

And you are at the receiving end of the numerous poor saps wanting to vent their general frustration with life. So yes, being just a voice on the phone you'll hear things they'd deem too ridiculous to tell their own friends.

Don't let them drag you down.

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Sun Dec 29, 2019 2:54 am

I suspect my last call of my last day will end with me telling someone to go fuck themselves.

Whether that will be the cause of that being my last day, or an effect of it remains to be seen

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Thu Jan 16, 2020 12:13 pm

Some of these stories in particular reminded me of this thread.

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Fri Jan 24, 2020 3:21 am

You know, I think I want to go to the community college and teach one of those life skills courses on how a goddam bank account works.

It just boggles me how many people (adult people, not just millenials who are learning to 'adult') who have no no fucking clue how a bank account works. Simple shit like if you have $100 in your account, and you withdraw $200, you will have -$100 in your account plus an overdraft fee. It does NOT mean we lent you $200 and the original $100 should still be there. I actually had a lady today who thought otherwise.

Also, overdraft fees and maintenance fees. It astounds me how many times I get the call "What is this $35 fee on my account?" I guess they think the bank pays their bills out of the goodness of it's heart.

Also, I think some people think that we have their money in a room, and just peel off hundos to their creditors when they spend money. Because some people are utterly why/how we paid a bill for them when they had no money in their account.

Truly, the number of financially illiterate people in the world blows my mind.

robinson · Post by **robinson** » Sat Jan 25, 2020 3:15 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote: ↑Fri Jan 24, 2020 3:21 am Truly, the number of financially illiterate people in the world blows my mind.

You think it's by chance?

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Sun Jan 26, 2020 2:52 am

Abdul Alhazred wrote: ↑Sat Jan 25, 2020 4:02 pm
robinson wrote: ↑Sat Jan 25, 2020 3:15 pm
Nyarlathotep wrote: ↑Fri Jan 24, 2020 3:21 am Truly, the number of financially illiterate people in the world blows my mind.
You think it's by chance?
It is the natural state of Mankind.

Yeah. People have always been innumerate. No conspiracy required

Nyarlathotep · Post by **Nyarlathotep** » Sat Feb 08, 2020 3:01 am

PSA

If you need to call the bank, do it sober. Don’t drink and bank.

Thank you,

The guy that has to explain your finances to your drunk ass.

Anaxagoras · Post by **Anaxagoras** » Thu Feb 13, 2020 8:26 am

"Ekthooth me. I'd like to order a peetha pleez. Large peetha with pepperoni and thothage, umkay? How long will that take?"

Fid · Post by **Fid** » Thu Feb 13, 2020 11:52 am

Scene: Front desk in small engine repair shop.

Me: (holding up 21 inch long hardened steel lawnmower blade bent at 45 degree angle)
. Seems your machine struck something a rock, a stump, a water meter, something.
Fortunately the aluminum flywheel key did its job and sheared thereby preventing
a bent crankshaft.

Customer: I didn't hit anything therefore the repair is covered by warranty.

Me: Since we are an Authorized Warranty Service Center for your brand of machine I
have here a copy of the warranty agreement. Please note here under the heading
"What is NOT covered by this warranty Abuse among various other things it
specifically mentions bent blades, sheared flywheel keys, bent crankshafts.

Customer: But I didn't hit anything.

Me: Ah...soo (ceremoniously adds bent blade to pegboard behind counter containing
hundreds of other bent blades all under the elegant sign stating

. NEVER LOAN TO URI GELLER

This is the Kabuki version.

Rob Lister · Post by **Rob Lister** » Thu Feb 13, 2020 2:09 pm

In my prior job, my last job, I coordinated the design, installation and implementation of automation in factory line processes. Small factories mostly; canning, bottling, extrusion, yada.

I didn't design, I didn't install, and I didn't implement anythig, but all the coordinating was me, me, me, and my small team of ~five or so technicians and surveyors and draftsmen ... but mostly me. I was a little bit like that guy from office space that was the go-between for customers and engineers, except I actually worked for a living.

We did the initial on-site surveys, scheduled and oversaw engineering efforts, made sure things not only fit but could actually get through the door and be maintained ... that sort of thing. But, perhaps most importantly, I spent my time smoothing the feathers of very nervous production managers and bean counters.

Here's a conversation from about six or so years ago with clients via conference call.

Lister: Looking over the notes for that line, we see that its current output is a QA station consisting of two inspectors dedicated to observing product as it exits the last prep stage. Your concern is that you're still missing a little over 40% of the defects, fouling up the next line. That's actually up from 30% when you only had one inspector. Why did you double up? What changed?

Production manager: It was becoming a choke-point so had to add another person. But yea, they talk to each other and are not paying attention. That's why the numbers are rising ...

HR manager: We've done counseling and increased job training. I think increased incentives will gut us ...

... arguing in the background went on for a good five minutes.

Lister: As we discussed last week, we can eliminate the inspectors at that station. The defects they're looking for--and missing--are well within the realm of automation. And its easy to implement; zero down time. Cheap even, as these things go. It will catch all the defects ... better than 99% anyway. It will pay for itself in six months, worst case. I can send you the numbers.

... arguing in the background went on for another several minutes. Some yelling this time. I was muted several times. I think occupied myself by posting something snarky to SC while I was waiting. I can probably find the exact post.

Accounting manager: That increase in detection means we're going to lose a lot more product. We can't afford that kind of waste.

Most everyone voices agreement but I could just somehow picture the production manager--a really smart guy I've worked with in the past--face-palming himself. Maybe even a double-face-palm.

[long pause]

Lister: Well, I suppose that also rules out separating the two inspectors you have now so they'll pay more attention. We'll come back to this. Lets move on.