The movie trailer thread

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Nyarlathotep
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Post by Nyarlathotep » Thu Dec 29, 2005 3:54 pm

Evolver wrote: Next movie "The Ass Whisperer"
"Billy was a poor young farm boy with a birth defect that left him unable to speak"

(shot of a handsome young man working on a farm)

"Julie was a lonely rich girl, and the love of Billy's life"

(shot of attractive young woman lounging around a country club pool)

"Billy couldn't express his love for Julie through normal means, so he had to find another way....."

(Shot of Billy bent over next to Julie, clutching each of his ass cheeks in one hand and moving them like a mount, sort of like Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura)
"I love you Julie"

"The Ass Whisperer. When he talks out of his ass, he really means it."

Coming soon to a theater near you

Next movie: C-Span: The Motion Picture
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DrMatt
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Post by DrMatt » Thu Dec 29, 2005 4:12 pm

I'd love to see Sirens of Titan made into a really good, well-paced movie. I think Terry Gillam could pull it off, if he had the right budget and personnel. It'd take less tweaking than it took to turn 1984 into Brazil...
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gnome
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Post by gnome » Thu Dec 29, 2005 8:24 pm

Nyarlathotep wrote: Next movie: C-Span: The Motion Picture
"You've seen it on your digital guide."

(image of an on-screen tv channel. It moves to the C-Span channel, and past it without a pause)

"You've surfed past it."

(rear shot of a guy on a sofa, with obligatory stained tank top, flipping channels slowly. The C-Span channel appears for but an instant... he finally arrives at some female dancers shaking their stuff on MTV, and he lowers the remote)

"But now, you won't want to miss it!"

(cut to walking conversation between Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, both in business suits)

Owen: I can't believe you bet them our house that we'd get C-SPAN a twenty share by Christmas! That's just not cool.

Ben: I'm sorry, I... (shakes his head). He got me going. You know I'm competitive. I just... got carried away. God, that was STUPID. I guess we'd better start looking for an apartment.

Owen: How can you be so competitive when you're all negative like that? Don't you like to win sometimes?

Ben: Sure, I'd like to... not that it ever happens.

Owen: Well, buddy, that's about to change, 'cause I'm not losing our house. I like our house. How long have we been roommates?

Ben: Three years.

Owen: Three years, and you should know me well enough by now. I'm not giving up, and neither are you.

"Now, they have just three months to turn C-SPAN from this:"

(scene of the same couch potato watching TV from his sofa. He snores lazily as the screen shows the announcement: QUORUM CALL. Empty seats, with a digital clock on the screen. Every once in a while a congressman walks forward to register his name)

"Into cable's hottest new channel."

Cut to a frenzy inside the House chambers... cheerleaders dance and chant in the background... minor shoving matches have erupted all through the auditorium. A debate is going on, mediated by Pamela Anderson... a spokeperson for each party makes professional-wrestling style announcements about their agenda, all while posing and pointing at each other. (a few cameo appearances by actual congressmen here)

Pan to Ben and Owen, looking on.

Ben: How'd you get them to agree to this?

Owen: Are you kidding? They're attention whores to begin with. Once they realized that all the publicity would get them even more audience, they agreed right away!

Ben: It just seems like such a farce.

Owen: Not at all, buddy. I mean, look at it... it's just the same as it was before, only they've stopped being so pretentious.

Ben: (rubs his chin, agreeing slowly)

"Coming this fall!"

----

Next Movie: "Where There's A Whip"

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Nyarlathotep
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Post by Nyarlathotep » Thu Dec 29, 2005 11:52 pm

Gnome, why do I fear that somewhere out there a real Hollywood producer has just read your post and you've given him an idea?
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Post by gnome » Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:49 am

Nyarlathotep wrote:Gnome, why do I fear that somewhere out there a real Hollywood producer has just read your post and you've given him an idea?
I think "Canada Attacks" has a better chance :)

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Evolver
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Post by Evolver » Tue Jan 03, 2006 11:41 am

gnome wrote: Next Movie: "Where There's A Whip"
Announcer: "From meek teenage boy..."

Announcer: "...to fact-challenged dominatrix!"

Image

Announcer: "Where There's A Whip: The Ann Coulter Story"

Image
"That's a man, baby!"


Next: "When Charley 'Ad Sally"
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Post by gnome » Tue Jan 03, 2006 4:18 pm

I don't feel qualified... or at least not yet inspired. Perhaps we can get an idea straight from the horse's mouth...

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Post by gnome » Fri Jan 06, 2006 10:04 pm

Evolver wrote:Next: "When Charley 'Ad Sally"
The story of Charley's visit to America.

Extra: I'd like you to meet Sally.

Charley: "I've 'ad her."

Sally: "I was faking--see how good I am at it" *FAKES ORGASM*

Charley: "I hadn't noticed."

Coming this fall to an American town near you: Charley_Bigtime!

*cut to shot of Charley driving down the wrong side of the road, pandemonium*

Charley: "Ignorant tossers!"

Next movie: "A New England Patriot in World of Warcraft."

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Evolver
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Post by Evolver » Tue Jan 10, 2006 2:06 am

gnome wrote: Next movie: "A New England Patriot in World of Warcraft."
Matt Damon as Tom Brady runs through the courtyard of a midwestern college, shouting: "QUESTER!!!! QUESTER!!!!"

Hillary Duff as Quester_X hiding under her bed in the dorm.

Tom Brady entering the dorm, running up the stairs: "Quester, it's here!!!"

Quester_X: "Please don't let him find me."

Tom Brady, bursting into Quester's room: "I've got it! The World of Warcraft!"

Quester shoves Brady out the window. He lands on the late Benny Hill, brought back to life with CGA to play Charley_Bigtime, killing Charley.

Quester runs outside; "Oh Tom, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Brady: "I'll forgive you... If you play just one game..."

Quester: "Welllll.....okay."

(Cut to) 1 year later, Quester and Tom looking verrry ragged, still playing.

Announcer: It cost her a diploma. It cost him his status as Greatest of All Time, unless you count Peyton Manning. But it was worth it.

(Fade to) Charley's mangled corpse.


Next movie: "Mrrrbbllldddmmm"
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Re:

Post by gnome » Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:00 pm

Evolver wrote:

Next movie: "Mrrrbbllldddmmm"
Coming next fall, see the movie that has people everywhere asking "What the hell is Mrrrbbllldddmmm"?

(Title appears in comic sans against a black background)

To prevent leaks, even the film production company was kept in the dark about the film's premise and casting.

(Shot of Hollywood executive in plush office)

"When this film was proposed, they wouldn't tell me anything about it. But we gave it the green light due to the excitement over the 3D Imax format and its viral marketing campaign of not telling movie fans anything. We anticipate high returns on opening weekend."

Next movie: "Palindromic"
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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gnome
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:01 pm

Just thought it was a good time to bump the BEST THREAD EVER!
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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Cool Hand
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Cool Hand » Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:30 pm

It took you six years to come up with "What the hell is Mrrrbbllldddmmm"? :)

It's a good thread. Highlight so far is Nyarl's inspired movie title, "C-Span: The Motion Picture." That was brilliant. Your reply was very good too. Hilarious, and as Nyarl noted, actually plausible for Hollywood to do. Kinda scary, that.

CH
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Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

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Abdul Alhazred
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:49 pm

:HoppingMad2:
Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
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Re:

Post by pillory » Fri Apr 06, 2012 7:08 pm

pillory wrote:tne next genea´ration at animal farm start huminating people....people are apes....Apes planet rules.....OK?


chomedy:last Pillories
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:14 pm

Cool Hand wrote:It took you six years to come up with "What the hell is Mrrrbbllldddmmm"? :)

It's a good thread. Highlight so far is Nyarl's inspired movie title, "C-Span: The Motion Picture." That was brilliant. Your reply was very good too. Hilarious, and as Nyarl noted, actually plausible for Hollywood to do. Kinda scary, that.

CH
I like a thread that lets us play off against each other so well. It's why I was just thinking, "why did this stop?" and looked it up.

Need more Nyarlathotep's titles!
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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gnome
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:19 pm

Abdul Alhazred wrote::HoppingMad2:
Don't worry, yours is still the ULTIMATE.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2

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Abdul Alhazred
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Abdul Alhazred » Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:41 am

This thread STILL sucks. :poutpout:
Image "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"

"Yes! A BIG REWARD!" ====> Click here to turn in a sicko
The arc of the moral universe bends towards chaos.
People who believe God or History are on their side provide the chaos.

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Nyarlathotep
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Re: Re:

Post by Nyarlathotep » Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:34 pm

gnome wrote:
Evolver wrote:

Next movie: "Mrrrbbllldddmmm"
Coming next fall, see the movie that has people everywhere asking "What the hell is Mrrrbbllldddmmm"?

(Title appears in comic sans against a black background)

To prevent leaks, even the film production company was kept in the dark about the film's premise and casting.

(Shot of Hollywood executive in plush office)

"When this film was proposed, they wouldn't tell me anything about it. But we gave it the green light due to the excitement over the 3D Imax format and its viral marketing campaign of not telling movie fans anything. We anticipate high returns on opening weekend."

Next movie: "Palindromic"
Coming This Summer:

(Shot of JOhnny Depp in a business suit, shaking hands with a Nicole Kidman)
Madam, I'm Adam.

(Shot of Depp and Kidman in a forensics lab)

Kidman: "No trace, not one carton?"

Depp: "Murder...for a jar of red rum"

(Shot of a deranged Peter Stormare holding a knife over a victim)

Stormare: "Satan OSCILLATE MY METALLIC SONATAS!"


Palindromic...Coming this summer.

(Shot of a beat up looking Peter Stormare, appearing before a surprised looking Depp and Kidman with a knife)

"Too Bad...I hid in a boot"


Next movie: Marx and Engels go to White Castle
The Luggage said nothing, but louder this time.

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Nyarlathotep
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by Nyarlathotep » Sun Apr 08, 2012 8:45 pm

C'mon people. No takers for "Marx and Engels Go To WhiteCastle?" I came up with that one and three others on the plane home yesterday, I gotta use them now.
The Luggage said nothing, but louder this time.

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gnome
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Re: The movie trailer thread

Post by gnome » Sun Apr 08, 2012 9:47 pm

I'll take a stab at it soon. Didn't want to monopolize.
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo! (Beat) Unless it's a farm!"
--Soldier, TF2